Now, even though
the second presidential debateended 48 hours ago,
people are still dealingwith the aftereffects,
you know, like an earthquakeor a venereal disease.
And so, to chat moreabout what happened,
we're joined nowby Michelle Wolf, everybody!
(cheers and applause)
Wow, Michelle, first of all,
can we just start at the top?
Like this debane...This-this debate...
I don't know whyI said "debane." Uh...
Uh, the debane of our existence.
-(laughter)-This-this debate was insane.
What wereyour biggest takeaways?
I mean, the debate was justreally the cherry on top
-of a pussy sundae of a weekend.-(laughter) -I might...
Okay, wait. But you know,you say that,
but am I the only onewho enjoyed, like, this weekend,
every news anchor strugglingto say the word "pussy."
Aw, everyone was so awkward.
I felt like it was likea single dad trying to explain
to his daughter how to usea tampon for the first time.
-(laughter)-He just, like, uh,
"Step one, you, uh,take it out of the wrapper.
"And, uh, step two, this doesn'tlook how I thought it would.
"Uh, step three, I think we, uh,try to find your mom
and get this marriageback together."
-(laughter) You know...No, but, you know, you know,
the debate seemed tamein comparison
to the weekend,but the debate was pretty crazy.
Like, was I the only one...?
Actually, was I the only onewho, at some point, feared that
Donald Trump wanted to strangleHillary? There was a point...
-Did you guys feel that, aswell? -(audience voices assent)
There was a pointwhere everyone was afraid.
Just look at this. There werethese moments during the debate.
-WOLF: Why is he looming?-(laughter)
WOLF: He doesn't looklike a presidential candidate.
He looks like a creepy butler.
-And it's like,"Jesus, Barnsley!" -(laughter)
"I told youto stop sneaking up on me!"
-Your soup, Madam. Your soup!-Aah!
There are two of you!
We should give Trump a bell.
That way, you always knowwhen he's around.
You know what I... You know whatI feel like happened there.
I feel likestalkers watched Trump.
Then they were like,"That's how you do it. Oh!"
-(laughter) -Oh.It's like he was auditioning for
the worst versionof Phantom of the Opera.
-(applause and cheering)-Oh. Yeah.
-Much... much better face.-Much better face. That's true.
You know what?And on top of that, Michelle,
you've got to admit,Trump didn't do terribly,
especially considering,you know,
he probably hadthe worst weekend
of any politicianin American history ever.
Like, maybe exceptfor, like, Abraham Lincoln.
You are right.You are right.
Ever since that audio came outof Trump's winne-bang-go.
You know, 40 Republicanlegislators called for Trump
-to step down or withdraw theirsupport of him. -NOAH: Which is
a good and admirable thingon their part.
Well, uh, before we,
uh, go and congratulatethese vagina Robin Hoods,
let's take a quicksneak peek at these heroes.
15 of these Republicans votedagainst making it easier
to sue for sex-basedwage discrimination.
12 of these 40 heroesco-sponsored a bill
that limited rape exceptionsfor abortion funding.
And of the 40,
38 congressmen didn't vote tokeep Planned Parenthood funded.
-Wow. That's pretty (bleep).-(audience members groaning)
Wait. So these peoplewho are so offended
by what Trump said about womenare the same people
who have actively votedagainst women's interests?
Well, welcome to America.
(applause and cheering)
He doesn't know.
I know. It's hardto wrap your head around,
but it's wrong to disrespectwomen with your words.
-That's what legislation is for.-(laughter)
All right, Michelle, one morething before we let you go.
Uh, let's talk about thisreal quick.
Trump went hardat Hillary for her e-mails,
which seems to be a lingeringweak point for her, actually.
Uh, let's-let's take a look.
She's lying againbecause she said she...
you know, what she didwith the e-mails was fine.
You think it was fineto delete 33,000 e-mails?
I don't think so.
She said the 33,000 e-mails
had to do with her daughter'swedding, number one,
and a yoga class.
Well, maybewe'll give three or three
or four or five or something.
33,000 e-mails deleted,
and now she's sayingthere wasn't anything wrong.
All right, now, even for someonewho's a fan of Hillary,
you know, you can't denythat this e-mail thing
just doesn't seem to go away--because Trump does have a point.
33,000 e-mails about a wedding?
Oh, my friend.
You have never been on awedding e-mail chain, have you?
See, I don't know whatthose 33,000 deleted e-mails
have in them, but if theywere about planning a wedding,
the only amazing thing isthat it was only 33,000 e-mails.
it takes 33,000 e-mails
to decide which bridesmaid'sgonna get the strapless
and which one'sgonna get the halter.
It takes 33,000 e-mailsto decide
what the themeof the bridal shower will be.
Which is ridiculous,'cause it's gonna be tea party!
It's always tea party!
Get out your little hats!
By the end of it,there are thousands of e-mails,
you've lost six friends, thewedding's been cancelled twice,
and your fingers are bloodyfrom pounding on the keyboard
on the angry responseat 4:00 a.m.
And guess what, you get to do itall again next summer,
because Leslie just got engaged!
-(applause, whooping, whistling)-Wow.
You have to ask yourself,America,
who do you want as president,a woman who has the efficiency
to plan a wedding in lessthan 33,000 e-mails...
...or a fake billionairewho preys on women
and uses themas sexual property...
Oh, my...He's behind me, isn't he?
-(laughter)-Yeah, he... he's behind you.
Please don't grab my pussy,please don't grab my pussy,
-please don't... -All right,Michelle Wolf, everybody.