Donald Trump and Ted Cruz Throw Down in Indiana

May 3, 2016 - Josh King 05/03/2016 Views: 7,198

Donald Trump supporters hurl vicious insults at Ted Cruz, and Carly Fiorina falls down while stumping for the Texas senator. (8:31)

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today was the Indiana primary,

and, uh,we don't yet know the results.

Uh, but one way or another,

the primariesare winding to a close.

All eyes on Indiana.

It really has all come downto Indiana.

This is do or diefor the Ted Cruz campaign.

Pretty much overif Donald Trump wins.

Trump is favored to win manyof Indiana's 57 delegates.

REPORTER: Ted Cruz faces what could be the last chance

to show that he is still in this game.

Wow.

Time flies, doesn't it? Yeah.

Seems like it was just yesterday

when Republican voters were likethe Bachelor on episode one,

you know? Excited and nervous,

staring at dozensof smiling contestants

who all wanted to (bleep) them.

And now, somehow, they'venarrowed the entire field

down to the Donald,a man who loves punching,

and, uh, Lyin' Ted,

the world's most punchable man.

And, boy,has Indiana been punching.

REPORTER: His late-night rally filling only half the room.

And, earlier, some ugly exchanges.

(laughter, groaning)

No.

Damn, that's cold!

Somebody should call State Farm,

'cause, uh, Ted Cruz just gotburned to the (bleep) ground.

Oh!

I... You know, I thinkit's time to reevaluate

your presidential prospectswhen you're getting too slowed

by the citizens.

And you know what? You can't...you can't help it with Ted Cruz.

You have to be a dick to him.It's nature.

That's what it is.

Even if he wonthe whole election,

I wouldn't be surprisedif on inauguration day,

Chief Justice will be there,"Put your hand on the Bible.

"Psych!

Too slow."

But Ted Cruz, man, he was, uh...

he was like a-a white guyin 1950s Alabama

trying to find a restaurant.

Everywhere he went,he got served.

MAN:Donald Trump's up, too!

...on all the candidates!

CRUZ:Well... well, sir...

Lyin' Ted!

L-Lyin' Ted!

Lyin' Ted!(chuckles)

It's like he's gotTrump Tourette's.

What's going on there?

Ly-Lyin' Ted!

Build the wall!

"I'm sorry, you were...""Bui-Build the wall!"

It shows you... it really showsyou how out of touch Cruz is.

He's bringing up the New York Times editorial board to a guy

who lookslike he sells loosie cigarettes

at the Gatheringof the Juggalos.

I mean, that man's not gonnachange his mind.

The only way that guy's gonnachange his mind about Ted Cruz

is if he has a visionwhile unconscious

with an open can of spray paint.

That's the only timethat's gonna happen.

And, look,I'm no fan of Ted Cruz,

but some of the insultsgot really mean.

What?

Firstly, firstly,

I love how that guy followed up"you look like a fish monster"

with "and you'rea terrible person!"

You're a fish monsteron the inside, too!

Calling Ted Cruz a fish monsterisn't acceptable.

Uh, the scientific termfor what Ted Cruz looks like

is, uh, Psychrolutes marcidus, or blobfish.

Yes. It's, uh...

That's-that's a real fish,people.

That is a real fish.

And so... The fishis the one on the left.

And...

And that's a real thing.

And I feel bad for Ted.

But-but do you knowwho I feel really bad for?

Carly Fiorina.

I mean, I-I don'tactually feel bad for her,

but just for the joke,let's say I do.

Uh, she's like a passenger

who boards a shipas it's sinking.

And speaking of sinking, please,

this is the one timewhere I'll ask you

to pay attentionto Carly Fiorina.

Just keep watchingCarly Fiorina.

And the next president ofthe United States, Ted Cruz!

(applause and cheering)

MAN: Carly Fiorina, the senator's running mate,

losing her footing as she was introducing the Cruz family.

(laughter)

That's the second timeCarly's dropped out of the race.

-(laughter and groaning)-Uh...

Carly falling down isa little funny for me.

Carly falling down at an eventwhere Ted Cruz is talking

about the country beingat the edge of a cliff--

-that's a... a bit funnier.-(laughter)

Carly falling downwhile running a campaign

against the one man who wouldnever let that (bleep) go?

Now we're talking.

She just went down!She went down a long way, right?

And she went downright in front of him,

and he was talking,he kept talking.

And Cruz didn't do anything!

I was ap...

Even I would have helped her,okay?

-(laughter, applause)-No, it's true!

-(laughter)-"Even I would have helped her!

"Even I would have helped her,and she's a four at best!

Even I would have helped her!"

-(laughter)-This is...

Guys, we're ina presidential race right now,

and this...this is what's happening.

Damn!

Although,if Donald Trump did help Carly,

I'm sure that would bethe first woman over 30

he's ever tried to pick up.

-That, uh... that...-(audience groans)

(laughs)That, uh...

(applause and cheering)

That really was harsh.

So, uh... so, Trump...Trump was slamming Cruz hard.

But you know what happens

when someone's being bulliedone too many times?

They call their dad.

Ted Cruz's father,a minister who's been out there

campaigning for himin the evangelical community...

I implore, I exhort every memberof the body of Christ

-to vote accordingto the word of God. -Mm-hmm.

And vote for the candidatethat stands on the word of God

and on the Constitutionof the United States of America,

and I am convincedthat man is my son Ted Cruz.

Wow.

Every memberof the body of Christ?

Okay. I mean, I would havejust said,

"Christians,please vote for Ted Cruz."

I mean, you didn't haveto go into body parts.

That just made it weird.

(with accent): "I exhortthe inner thigh of Christ

"to vote for my son, Ted Cruz.

"And also, the weird littlemiddle toe with the hair on it.

-I exhort all of it."-(laughter)

So, after Papa Cruz weighed in,then it was Trump's turn,

and, uh, he took a shotthat no one saw coming.

A National Enquirer storyabout Ted Cruz's father Rafael

being pictured, allegedly,with Lee Harvey Oswald.

TRUMP: You know, there's...there's a whole thing,

and, you know, his father waswith Lee Harvey Oswald

prior to Oswald's being,you know, shot.

And nobody even brings it up.

I mean, they don't even talkabout that.

That was reported,and nobody talks about it.

Right, there was a pictureout there that reportedly shows

Rafael Cruz standingwith Lee Harvey Oswald.

That's right, people.

Ted Cruz's dad asked peopleto vote for his son,

and in response,Donald Trump accused him

-of killing President Kennedy.-(laughter)

And so then, backed into a corner

on what could very well be his last day on the campaign trail,

Cruz did something he only does

in the most desperatesituations.

He told the truth.

I'm gonna do something I haven'tdone for the entire campaign.

I'll gonna tell you whatI really think of Donald Trump.

This man is a pathological liar.

Donald has a real problemwith women.

I'll tell you as the fatherof two young girls,

the ideaof our daughters coming home

and repeating any wordthat man says horrifies me.

Listen, Donald Trumpis a serial philanderer,

and he boasts about it,

talks about how great it isto commit adultery.

That's all true,but unfortunately,

no one is going to listento what a fish monster says.

And, uh... and besides, Senator,

if this is reallywhat you think of Trump,

then where the (bleep) were youin the past nine months

when saying any of thatmight have mattered?

I'm a big fan of Donald Trump's.I like Donald.

I like Donald Trump.He's a friend of mine.

I'm not gonna attack himpersonally

or impugn his character.

Donald Trump is bringinga bold, brash voice

to this presidential race.

-Lyin' Ted!-(laughter)

Lyin' Ted! Lyin' Ted!