But let's move nowto the Middle East.
-It's a phrase no one hasever said. -(laughter)
There's so much violence there
that has sent millionsof refugees fleeing into Europe,
and, now, in many places,it's reaching breaking point.
A prime example is in France.
Now when most people hear"France,"
they think of cheese,
the Eiffel Toweror rapey skunks.
But if you happento be a refugee,
there's a side of Francethat only you get to see.
French authorities areclearing out the migrant camp
in the city of Calais,known as "The Jungle,"
a place where thousandsof people have come
in the hope of crossing the seato Britain.
Officials plan to empty the camp within a week
and tear down the entire site by the end of the year.
They're telling the occupants
the options they have are to apply for official asylum
in France or return to their home country.
Yes, those are the refugees'only two options--
apply for official asylum, orreturn home to their countries.
And it seemslike an easy choice,
but you knowthere's one refugee going,
"Mm, Syria, paperwork.Syria, paperwork.
"What's that?I've to fax the forms?
-I'll see you in Aleppo!"-(laughter and groaning)
Now this refugee camp that'sbeing shut down is in Calais,
which is a city in France,
and not a pretentious wayof pronouncing "California."
Even thoughit sounds like that sometimes.
(with Valley girl accent):"I live in Calais.
"And I haven't had running waterin six weeks
so now I (bleep) outside."
Now this refugee camp isone of the oldest in France.
And French authorities wantto shut it down
by the end of this year
because crime has spiraledout of control in the camp.
In fact, it's gotten so bad
that they've nicknamed it"The Jungle."
And as a personfrom an actual jungle,
-I find that offensive.-(laughter)
I'm sure I'm not alone,
but there's probably an outragedlemur back home going,
"Why do they got to go call it'The Jungle?' Huh?
"That's insultingto what we have here!
"We have a functioningecosystem, which has a king.
"By the way, a king, which,by the way, is a tiger.
"I don't know why people think
"the lion is the kingof the jungle.
"There's no Goddamn lionsin the jungle!
Humans are so ignorant!"
That's probably whatthe lemur thinks, not me.
Now, I knowsome of you are thinking,
well, choosing between Franceand a country like Syria
should be easy an easy choice.
Because everyone loves France,right?
You don't want to go to France?
Life in Britain is betterthan France?
MAN: Why not just gosomewhere in France?
-Damn! Not good enough? Wow.-(scattered groaning)
I haven't seen that many peoplehating on France
-since they invented the mime.-(laughter)
And if you mimes have a problemwith that, say something.
I dare you. Say something.
(applause and cheering)
I... didn't... think so.
But, look, refugees, I see whatyou guys are trying to do here.
This is a game of reversepsychology.
You're going to saythat France is horrible,
and then the French are goingto invite you to stay.
But you're going about itthe wrong way.
You realize,you can't insult the French.
It only makes them more proud.
Their whole culture is designed
to inspire resentmentfrom others.
It's why they make cheese thatsmells like my uncle's feet.
You say the refugee camps suck,and the French are like,
"Yeah, that's right. Say it.
"It is because
"the French refugee campis an acquired taste, huh?
You cannot understand this.This is an acquired taste."
For more on the refugee crisisin Calais,
we're joined by Roy Wood, Jr.,everybody.
Roy Wood, Jr. joining us livefrom France.
-Hello.-(applause and cheering)
Roy, what the (bleep)are you wearing?
You're supposed to be talkingabout the refugees.
Why are you dressedlike you just jumped
on the Cubs bandwagon, man?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Bandwagon?!
Ain't no bandwagon, African!
What you think,I just grabbed this?
This is my legit my clothing,brah.
I had this robe longer than youdone had your damn green card.
(laughter and groaning)
Well, look, I even put my nameon the back.
This is mine!
In case, you know,somebody wanted to play baseball
as soonas I got out of the shower.
Okay, Roy, I stand corrected.I guess you...
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait,wait. You don't believe me?
I'm a legit Cub fan.
That's my realhigh school portrait.
Yeah, I was a handsome virgin.
You look so cutewith your cheeks and the lips.
Is that... that's youin high school?
When is that picture from?
'96? I-I thoughtyou were, like, 50.
Sorry. Anyway,I-I sent you... I sent you...
I sent you to reporton refugees, Roy.
Yeah, and you sentthe right guy, Trevor.
If there's anyonewho knows about suffering,
it's a Cubs fan.
And I wantthe Calais refugees know
Cub fans stand behind you.
We know you refugees gotwhat it takes to go all the way.
You got ambition.You can't coach that.
Secondly, you've already proventhat you're good on the road.
Now you just got to getinto that final stretch,
dig deep and believein yourselves.
You got to grind it out,
and I'm gonnagrind it out with you.
This C on my hat standsfor compassion, for caring,
for the refugees of Calais.
And for anyone out there whorefuses to accept second-best,
especiallythe Chicago (bleep) Cubs.
-Wow. O-Okay...-(cheering, applause)
Okay, Roy, I-I hearwhat you're saying.
So, if you'reso into the refugees,
I'm assuming that you willbe donating some money to them.
Tickets are $5,000for the World Series, man.
Hell, no.Every man for himself.
-You crazy. -A-All right.Roy Wood Jr., everyone.