The Hardest Job in the World: Donald Trump's Campaign Surrogates

August 15, 2016 - Daniel Radcliffe 08/15/2016 Views: 112,386

After Donald Trump claims that President Obama founded ISIS, the presidential hopeful's campaign surrogates must defend his accusation. (6:56)

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let's catch up

with what's happeningin another race--

the U.S. election.

Right now, America is strugglingtrying to decide

betweenwho will be its next president.

Madam Secretaryof secret servers,

or a used diaphragmfrom the Jersey Shore.

-(laughter) And...and it's a big decision.

So, of course, all the newsmedia in America is focused

on these two candidates,

and that creates a problemfor the candidates

because they can't beeverywhere at once.

-They're not Kevin Hart.So instead... -(laughter)

Instead, Trump and Clintonhave campaign surrogates,

but Donald Trump'ssurrogates are special,

because Donald Trump is special.

And he always makesinteresting choices.

You know, like cleaning the fur

out of a golden retriever's dogbrush and using it as a wig.

-He thinks out of the box.-(laughter)

And his pick of surrogatesis no different.

And these are all true.These are real people.

His social media director is hisformer golf caddy, all right.

His campaign managerwas a lobbyist

for infamous dictators.

And his current spokesperson,Katrina Pierson,

is a failed Tea Party candidatefor congress

who, this past week, shotto notoriety for saying this.

Entering Barack Obamaand Hillary Clinton.

Remember, we weren't evenin Afghanistan by this time.

Barack Obama wentinto Afghanistan,

creating another problem.

-It was Hillary Clinton and herincident in Libya... -But...

...which was also a recklessdecision to create that vacuum.

They armed the rebels, andthey're even funding them now.

Okay, so you're saying

Barack Obama took the countryinto Afghanistan post 2009.

Is that what you're saying?

What I am saying is...the policies...

Because, well, you just saidthat we weren't in Afghanistan.

...of Barack Obamaand Hillary Clinton.

That was Obama's war, yes.

(laughter)

The composureon that news anchor's face--

you can see, he's like...(stammers, chuckles)

So you're saying wow.

NOAH: She was alsoonce arrested for shoplifting,

and then got in a fight about iton a reality TV show.

You're such a liarand a hypocrite.

You talked about black peoplebeing criminals,

and now you're changing itbecause we all know

-you're a criminal, too.-No, I'm not.

-Were you convicted of a crime?-No, I wasn't.

-Did you shoplift?-Yes, I did.

-So you stole things. -I stoleclothes to get a job, yes.

You're nothing but a thief,a shoplifter, a liar,

a hypocrite and a fake.

-Goddamn!-(laughter)

Goddamn. They fact-checked herharder than on CNN.

-(laughter) -She was like,"You're a liar, you're a thief,

you're a shoplifter, you're..."

CNN should hire her,that's what they should do.

Wow! Now, after makingthose statements on the news,

Katrina Pierson, she took a lotof flak, and rightfully so.

But at the same time, people,I really feel so bad for her

and all of Donald Trump'ssurrogates.

Because that has to bethe hardest job in the world.

Even harder than being, like,a deejay at a bar mitzvah.

-That must be the hardest...-(laughter)

No, I mean, think about it--you're playing sexy music

for a group of childrenwho are grinding,

and you're trying to actlike you're not a creep.

You just got to be like,"Yeah, this is healthy,

this is healthy,this is healthy."

It's a tough job.

Uh, because... as a surrogate,

whatever a candidate says,

the surrogate has to defend it,

even if their candidatesays something like this.

ISIS is honoring...

President Obama.

He is the founder of ISIS.

He's the founder of ISIS, okay?

He's the founder.

Now, you see, that clip,

we get to watch it

and we get to be shockedand then we get to laugh

and then we get to weepfor America's future.

But... but a surrogate,a surrogate has to watch that

and then go, yes,Obama is the founder of ISIS.

Obama is the founder of ISIS.

Well, how did he f...he's the founder?

Because when he searchedfor them, he found...

No, that's not...no, that's...

This is the hardest jobin the world.

But you have to admit,Trump surrogates,

they work hard for their money.

So Trump saidObama founded ISIS,

uh, or as they say,in, uh, in other words...

You know, he's nota professional politician

who's been at this for 30 years,with all the polished language,

all the handlers Hillary has...

When we're in rallies, you know,

things get a little,uh, animated.

I think what he's saying thereis legitimate political...

commentary.

In a way, it hada fundamental truth to it.

They did found ISIS,they did establish it.

Their names might not beon the founding documents,

but they laid the groundwork.

Saying the founder'swas clearly an exaggeration,

uh, and I thinkalso meant to entertain.

Well, Donald Trumpobviously wasn't talking

about Barack Obama being the one

that formed theirbusiness entity paperwork.

Yeah. I mean, come on.

That's ridiculous.I don't think anyone in ISIS

had to filebusiness entity paperwork.

(laughter)

Oh, oh, and by the way,uh, Obama...

was not the founder of ISIS.

Uh, it's crazy thatyou have to say this,

but let's get that straight,all right?

George Bush was the founder.

-(applause)-George Bush.

And... no, no, no, no, no.

Look, really. Bush wasn'tthe founder, either.

But if any president helpedcreate it, he did the most.

You can say Obama left Iraqtoo early. Sure.

But you can't leave a placethat you're not already in.

That's something youcannot escape, all right?

You can't escape that.So Trump goes on and says

Obama is ISIS's baby daddy,and now his surrogates...

-(laughter)-they spend day and night

defending that statement--every single day they defend it.

And then a day later,Trump turns around

and royally (bleep) them.

Donald Trump is now apparentlywalking back his claim

that President Obamaand Hillary Clinton

are the founders of ISIS.

...Trump tweeting outthis morning, quote,

"Ratings challenged CNN..."

Yeah, you know whythey're reported seriously?

'Cause you'rea presidential candidate!

That's... Oh, why are you guystaking me so seriously? Oh...

I'm not sure that Donald Trumpknows what "sarcasm" means.

I feel like he neededto get out of a jam,

and then he heard the word,someone was like,

"Were you being sarcastic?"and he was like,

"That one, that's the one.That's the one."

NOAH: And so once again,the poor surrogates,

who had no idea about this,they then had to turn around

and now defend the opposite ofwhat they were just defending.

Well, I think two thingsare going on.

He was being both seriousand sarcastic.

Which is it?Was he being sarcastic,

or was he not being sarcastic?

Well, I guess it dependson the interpreter.

Was he the actualfounder of ISIS?

Was his name on the document?No.

If you take it that way,that is sarcasm.

If you take it as him beingthe unintentional

founder of ISIS, that is,in fact, serious.

Was he being sarcastic?

Well, the answer is yes and no.

(laughter)

The answer is yes and no?

Yeah, that's-that's exactly whatAmerica needs in a president.

A man who is so all over theplace that even the people

who are hiredas communication specialists

are now basicallythe shrugging emoji.