But we begin tonightwith some really exciting news
from the worldof technology and medicine.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg andhis wife, Dr. Priscilla Chan,
have a new mission:curing all disease.
The two launchingthe aptly-named
Chan Zuckerberg Initiative.
Three billion dollarstoward curing, preventing
and managing all diseaseby the end of the century.
This is a big goal.
And, you know, we thought thatthis was really aggressive
when we got started. But we'vespent the last few years
by going out and talkingto dozens and dozens
of top scientists and experts
who really believethat this is possible.
Wow, man.I dream of having
one of thosebillionaire T-shirts one day.
They look simple,but they're not.
But that's right, people,
Facebook is gonnacure all disease, yes.
So you knowyour old, racist uncle?
Well, good news--he's immortal now.
But it makes sense... it makessense that Mark Zuckerberg
wants to cure every disease.Because think about it--
once old people die,there's gonna be no one left
This-this new project is calledthe Chan Zuckerberg Initiative,
not to be confused withthe 4chan Zuckerberg Initiative,
which just makes fun of peoplewith diseases--
a completely, completelydifferent organization.
And-and I must say this--it's pretty admirable.
It's pretty admirable, but-butthe sheer ambition of it--
just think about it--you know, i-is just funny.
Like, I feel like...I feel like it probably started
with Mark Zuckerberg saying,"I'm gonna cure one disease."
And then Justin Timberlakewas, like,
"You know what's really cool?"
Ah, no.But on the real, though,
kudos to Mark Zuckerbergfor being a billionaire
who's actuallytrying to help people.
It truly is a wonderfulthing to see.
And if he's as successfulat fighting diseases
as he is at running Facebook,I think he can do it.
Because look at whatFacebook has become.
It's no longerjust for baby pictures
uh, or baby engagements. Uh...
That's right, people,that's right.
Even your ex's babyfound love before you did.
But-but Facebook is nowthe most popular news source
for people under the age of 50.
In fact, a lot of people
are watching thisright now on Facebook.
By the way, if you arewatching this on Facebook,
please, uh,click the like button.
Uh, oh, and also,click the smiley face.
And also put a comment.A-a nice one, preferably.
Thank you very much.Thank you.
Uh, and if you'rewatching this on TV,
thanks for actuallypaying the bills,
unlike thosefreeloading dicks on Facebook.
-(cheering, applause)-Thanks for watching this on TV,
the way it should be watched,
where the ratings actuallycoun... Oh, sorry, sorry.
Oh, and by the way, Facebookers,um, before I forget--
please share this videowith your friends and family.
You guys truly are the future--
you figured out how to watchthis (bleep) for free,
and, uh, to be honest,regardless how you watch it,
I just-I just want you to knowthat I appreciate you.
Sorry about that(bleep) Facebook. Where was I?
Uh, oh, yes, yes,the news, the news.
It's great that so many peopleare engaging in the news,
you know, because ofFacebook. But the problem is...
the problem is,like with TV news,
there's a fair amount of (bleep)in the mix, all right?
and the-the only problem is...the only problem is,
unlike TV news,
you can't always pinpointwhere the (bleep) came from.
For instance, you've probablyseen this image online.
Yes?You've probably seen it.
You know, an image showing youhow white people
are five times more likelyto be killed by black people
than by white people.
And it looks legit.
It's got numbers.
It's fromthe Crime Statistics Bureau
of San Francisco. Mm.
And it has a black manaiming a gun like this,
which you know is legit,
because that's the only wayplayers play.
There's just one small problemwith this Facebook image.
It's (bleep). Yeah.
Because 82%of white murder victims
are actually killedby white people. Yeah.
White on white crime, man.
That's what that is.
And you know-you know how elseyou know this is (bleep)?
Yeah, the Crime StatisticsBureau of San Francisco
There is no Crime StatisticsBureau of San Francisco.
It's made up. Someone justwrote that on the image
to make it seem legit.You just do that.
"Uh, bureau." And people'llbe like, "Whoa, bureau.
Yeah, you might as wellshare crime stats
from theDallas Unicorn Authority. Yeah.
Which is also not real,because the last unicorn
left Dallas for Austinyears ago, very long time ago.
Now-now, here's the thing--it's one thing
if your grandmother believesthese fake posts, all right?
But even a presidentialcandidate fell for this, people.
Yeah, And, granted, I mean,he's also the same person
who fell for the deluxe upgradepackage at the tanning salon,
but still. But still.
The point is...the point is even though
it's not checked in any way,44% of U.S. adults
are now getting their newsfrom Facebook.
And the other 56%--well, they just
can't remember their password.That's why they don't do it.
And fake informationisn't even the biggest problem
with getting your newsfrom Facebook.
What's even scarieris that Facebook
doesn't give you the news,
it gives you your news. Right?
So if you're a conservative,
you'll seemore conservative news. Yes?
If you're a liberal,you'll see more liberal news.
And if you're Donald Trump,
you'll only get newsabout tiny gloves.
It basically catersto what you want to hear.
And the same way cable newshas its, uh, Wolfs
and its Megyns,Facebook is starting to have
stars of its own.
For instance, meet Tomi Lahren.All right?
If Facebookis the future of news,
then this, my friends,is the voice of the future.
Well, the BET Awardswere last night.
Notably they were very black.
Oh, but can I say that?
With my whiteness and all?
Well, too damn bad.
I have so muchto say about that.
But much like Facebook, The Daily Show still runs on ads,
so, uh, we'll talk about thiswhen we come back.