U.S. Diplomacy with Israel, Donald Trump-Style

February 15, 2017 - Mark Mazzetti 02/15/2017 Views: 154,926

During a joint press conference with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, President Trump bumbles his way through questions about the Israel-Palestine conflict. (4:03)

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Now, now, guys, I know thatthe last month has been rough.

But today, I remembered

that life with Donald Trumpcan also be pretty funny.

I mean, we all agree

Donald Trump is goingto destroy the world.

But we cannot deny thatit'll be an amusing destruction.

Yeah, it's like an asteroid'sheaded to earth,

-but it's shaped like a penis.-(laughter)

You know what I mean? You'relike, "Ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!"

I was thinking about this today

because Trump hadhis most important meetings

with a foreign leader yet when

Israeli Prime MinisterBenjamin Netanyahu came to

(imitating Trump):the very famous White House,

and, uh, had a conversation.

And, look, peacebetween Israel and Palestine

is one of those problems thatno one has been able to solve.

It's so complicated.

There's settlements,there's violence,

there's border lines,there's terrorism.

For a century, the sides haven'tbeen able to come together.

But Trump isn't worried at all.

Just listen to himgive his views

on whether Israelisand Palestinians should live

in two separate states or one.

So, I'm lookingat two-state and one-state,

and I like the onethat both parties like.

I'm very happy with the onethat both parties like.

I can live with either one.

I thought for a whilethe two-state looked

like it may be the easierof the two,

but honestly, if Bibiand if the Palestinians,

if Israel and the Palestiniansare happy,

I'm happy with the onethey like the best.

(laughter)

Did this guyjust tell us the problem

like it was the solution?

Here's what he said.

"Now, what you need is thateveryone agrees with each other.

"Yeah, I don't know whythis took you guys so long.

There we go. Done. Done."

Trump would be the besthostage negotiator ever.

Just be like: Whatever makesboth the hostages

and the hostage takers happy,that works for me.

Let's work together, guys.Come on.

Oh, yeah, here's another thing.

-Uh...-(laughter)

Really?

Really? We're gonna...

This is... this is not...

Please, can we... Thank you.

Uh, I hate...I hate those promos. Sorry.

Uh, you know what, watchingDonald Trump's diplomacy

is a surreal experience.

Because...because what's the one thing

most leaders struggle withwhen talking to Israel?

It's figuring out how to broachthe sensitive topic

of illegal settlements.

But as I said, most leaders struggle.

As far as settlements,I'd like to see you hold back

on settlements for a little bit.

Uh, we'll, uh,work something out.

(gasps, laughter)

Okay, I-I'm sorry.Donald Trump is a genius.

(laughter)

No one has ever thought to juststraight-up ask Netanyahu

to stop the settlements.

Like... he just...he just asked him.

He asked him like a neighbor

telling himto turn down the music.

Hey, uh, you're gonna turn downthe music, right?

Can you just turn it down?Right? Do you mind?

Do you mindjust turning it down? Yeah?

All right, cool.What's the next issue?

Let's move on.

Even... Look at Netanyahu,in his eyes.

Even he does not knowwhat to do...

(laughter)

...with the manthey call El Donaldo.

I think we're gonna make a deal.

It might bea bigger and better deal

than people in this roomeven understand.

That's a possibility.

So let's see what we do.

That's right.

Doesn't sound too optimistic,but that's...

You can see Netanyahu's like,"Who the (bleep) is this dude?"

(laughter)

You know...

Trump is either a geniusor he is the biggest idiot

the world has ever seen.

'Cause I honestly wonderif Trump's plan

is to be such a bumbling foolthat Israel and Palestine

are gonna get togetherin a room and be like,

"I think we can both agree,that guy's a (bleep) moron.

-(laughter, applause, whooping)-"That guy's a (bleep) moron.

We better solve this problembefore he tries to help out."

We'll be right back.

-(cheering)-(speaks indistinctly)