Speaking of health, both DonaldTrump and Hillary's health,
their records have beenin the spotlight recently.
And up until today,
the only thing we've knownabout Donald Trump
is that his healthis astonishingly excellent.
And that assessment camefrom this guy.
Dr. Harold Bornstein.
The guy who's surprised you haveto wear shoes at a restaurant.
And anyway,Dr. Lebowski over here,
he recently did an interviewwith NBC
that was apparently shotwith a colonoscopy camera.
And, uh, he-he read his officialletter on Donald Trump's health.
I'm sorry, what?
He wrote the letter that way
just for Trump?
Your doctor isn't supposedto write the letter
in your style of speech.
That's not a thing.
(imitates Borat): Mr. Borat'shealth is made glorious.
Yeah, he is healthy as my wife.
That's not whatyou're supposed to do.
Look, and look, man,I'm not saying this guy's
qualified or not.I'm just saying
I wouldn't trust this (bleep)in a game of Operation.
That's what I'm saying.
Even the game would be like...
Look, I'm-I'm sorry, man,even if Donald Trump is healthy,
I think most people can agree
we can't accept resultsfrom Dr. Burning Man over here.
Like, for the medical evaluationof a potential president,
you need an opinionfrom a credible physician.
Or at least someonewho looks better on camera.
Donald Trump reportedlywill discuss his medical record
on The Dr. Oz Show.
Please welcomethe Republican nominee
for the presidentof the United States,
Mr. Donald Trump.
-♪ -(cheering, applause)
How do you stay healthyon a campaign trail?
Well, it's a lot of work.You know, when I'm speaking
in front of 15 and 20,000 peopleand I'm up there
using a lot of motion,uh, I guess in its own way,
it's a, uh...
it's a pretty healthy act,
and, uh, I reallyenjoy doing it.
A lot of times these roomsare very hot, like saunas,
and I guessthat's a form of exercise.
No. No, no. No, I'm sorry.No. No, I'm sorry.
Did this guy just say thattalking is a form of exercise?
You can't just say that, guys.
You can't just say...Things mean things!
You can't just say that!
You know right nowDonald Trump's Fitbit
is like, "Get the (bleep)out of here, man!"
That's not exercise.
And you realize, at 70,at 70 years old,
Donald Trump would actually bethe oldest person to be elected
president of the United States.
But luckily,luckily for everyone,
he doesn't see it that way.
When you look into the mirror,
how old is the personyou're looking at?
-What do you see?-Um...
I would say I see a person
that's, uh, 35 years old.
No, I mean, I feel...
-I feel the same.-(applause)
Why are the people applauding?
Why are theyapplauding delusion?
With that face...he looks in the mirror
and he sees a 35-year-old man.
This is what happens
when you replaceall your mirrors with paintings.
That's what happens.
He sees a 35-year-old...
So, basically, Jimmy Fallondid a sketch with him
and Trump actually thoughthe was talking to himself.
That's what happened there.
And look, all of thisback and forth with Trump--
it was amusingand-and slightly disturbing,
but the real reason he was there
was to disclosehis medical records, right?
Oh, actually, actually,let me say, uh,
that was the reason he wanted us
to believe that he was there.
The real reason he was therewas to put on a show.
If your healthis as strong as it seems
from your review of systems,
why not shareyour medical records?
-Why not let people s...Well, I have, really,
no problem in doing it.I-I have it right here.
I mean, I... Should I do it?I don't care.
-Should I do it?-(applause)
I have no problem.
It's, uh... it's two letters,
one is the report and the otheris from Lennox Hill Hospital.
(imitates Trump):You want to see?
Do you want to see,ladies and gentlemen?
Right over... (exclaims)
See that, right there,ladies and gentlemen?
That is the brillianceof Donald Trump.
Because, you see,when Trump handed over
those two pieces of paper, thatwasn't a full medical report.
He may as well have given us theprintout from one of those
Walgreen's blood pressuremachines, you know? Yeah.
But now, becausehe did it on TV
with Oprah's doctor,
he's closed the bookson his health issue.
And that's why Trumpis brilliant.
Because he knowsthe American public
doesn't really care abouthis medical records. Yeah.
They care about the appearance of medical records, yeah?
And where better to pull offthe greatest illusion
than in the land of Oz?
Now, as incomplete...
as incomplete as those recordsmight have been,
there was one thingon the show...
there was one thing
that Trump made surewas included.
Your testosteroneis 441, which, uh,
is actually... it's good.(chuckles)
You can see in Dr. Oz's eyes,
Dr. Oz was like,"This number is ridiculous.
Like, this is highfor a rhino, man. This is..."
Yeah, but clearly, clearly,
Donald Trump hasa lot of testosterone.
That's why,under each of his eyes,
he's got an extra ball sack.