Educated Guess Line - Uncensored

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 01/29/2003
  • Views: 174,875

Dave's astounding abilities will amaze you -- if you know nothing about black people. (2:18)

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DAVE CHAPPELLE ISNOT A PSYCHIC.

HE IS MERELY A RACIST,WHO BELIEVES THAT STEREOTYPES

DICTATE OUR FUTURES.

( woman's voice )My boyfriend saysmy butt's too big.

Why would he say that ?

My old boyfriendliked it just fine.

OKAY.

OKAY, HAVE YOUGAINED WEIGHT ?

No.

OKAY, SO YOUR CURRENTBOYFRIEND IS WHITE.

Oh my gosh, yes !

YEAH, AND YOUR OLD BOYFRIENDIS BLACK, AIN'T HE ?

Oh my god,how did you know that ?

BECAUSE A BROTHER CAN'T GETENOUGH OF THAT ASS.

HOLD UP,I'M SEEING SOMETHING...

IT'S YOUR PARENTS !

Oh, God.

THEY'RE ANGRY, REAL ANGRY !

THEY KICKED YOU OUT FOR DATINGA BLACK DUDE, DIDN'T THEY ?

Oh, my God, there's no wayyou could have known that

unless you knew me !

OR IF I DATEDFOUR WHITE GIRLS MYSELF.

THANKS FOR PLAYING.

DAVE CHAPPELLE'SINSIGHTS WILL ASTOUND YOU.

( man with foreign accent)Bueno, is this Dave Chappelle ?

ALL RIGHT, I'M HEARINGAN ACCENT.

YOU FROM SOUTHOF THE BORDER ?

You amaze me, man !

OH, HOLD ON, THERE...IS YOUR NAME MIGUEL ?

It is !

BAM !

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHTGO AHEAD, DOG.

So, David, I wasdriving on the freeway.

STOP-- DRIVING.

YOU DRIVE A PICKUP TRUCK,DON'T YOU, MIGUEL ?

Yes, I do.

AND YOU DON'T HAVEINSURANCE, DO YOU ?

No, I don't.

BAM !

SOMETIMES, DAVE WILL TALK WITH APHONY BALONEY JAMAICAN ACCENT.

( Jamaican accent )THE CARDS DON'T LIE !

LORD HAVE MERCY !

HELLO ?

( woman )Collect call froma correctional facility,

will you accept the charges ?

YES, I WILL.

Go ahead, sir.

ALL RIGHT, BEFORE YOUEVEN SAY ANYTHING,

YOU BLACK, AIN'T YOU ?

( man )Yo, this niggais off the hook !

WAIT A MINUTE,I SEE SOMETHING !

What ?

YOU GETTINGOUT OF JAIL !

Say word, son !

YOU'RE WALKING OUT,YOU ARE FREE AS A BIRD !

HOLD UP.

I'M SEEING SOMETHING--IT'S SIX WEEKS LATER...

YOU GOING RIGHT BACKIN THE JAIL

FOR THE SAME SHIT.

WHAT KINDA PSYCHIC--

( dial tone )

CALL THIS NUMBER NOW,AND LET DAVE

OR ONE OF HIS EDUCATEDGUESSERS TELL YOU YOUR FUTURE.

IT'S ONLY 99 CENTS FORTHE FIRST MINUTE,

2.50 EACH ADDITIONAL MINUTE.

YOU CAN'T AFFORD NOTTO HAVE YOUR FUTURE READ

BASED ON STEREOTYPES.

( Jamaican accent )CALL ME NOW FORA BUMBLE-CLOT READING !

( mumbling )

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