Power Marketing

  • Season 1 , Ep 3
  • 09/02/1998
  • Views: 20,520

A marketer suggests that people invest in new brains to turn their lives around. (2:29)

A LOT OF YOU FOLKS DON'T KNOWWHAT POWER MARKETING IS.

BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS:BY THE END OF THIS EVENING,

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO DOEVERYTHING LEGALLY POSSIBLE

TO GET INVOLVED IN IT.

NOW EIGHT YEARS AGO, I WEIGHED 500 POUNDS.

I WAS GETTING REALLY HIGH EVERY DAY.

AND I WAS WASHING MY DISHESIN THE BATHTUB.

BUT THANKS TO POWER MARKETING,TWO YEARS LATER,

I OWN MYSELF A MANSION,

I GOT A SUMMER HOME IN MAINE.

I GOT AN AWESOME BOAT.

I GOT A JET PACK.

AND I GOT A SWEET LOOKING WIFE.

AND I GOT AN ENTERTAINMENT CENTER

WITH A WHOLE HECK OF A LOTOF CDs AND LASER DISKS

AND BOOKS I'LL NEVER USE.

NOW ALL THIS MATERIAL STUFFDOESN'T MAKE ME HAPPY.

ALTHOUGH, YOU'VE NEVER SEENANYTHING LIKE THAT BOAT OF MINE.

NO, IT'S MY NEW BRAINTHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.

MY NEW BRAIN THAT IS POWERFUL,

EXPLOSIVE, AND A REAL COMPETITOR.

I KNOW SOME OF YOU MIGHT BETHINKING, "OKAY, DUKE,

YOU'LL FULL OF BOLOGNA SAUSAGE".

I'D UNDERSTAND YOUR SKEPTICISM,

IF THERE WEREN'TMILLIONS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE

WHO CHANGED THEIR LIFE THROUGH POWER MARKETING,

BUT THERE ARE.

PEOPLE LIKE MANUTE BOL.

RICHARD KIEL.

ANDRE GIANT.

THE TITTE BROTHERS.

AND MY NEXT GUEST,

FORMER SPACE SHUTTLE ASTRONAUT,

LIEUTENANT MIKE BIRCHWOOD !

HOW'S YOUR NEW BRAIN, MIKE ?

DYNAMITE, BUDDY.

AS DUKE MENTIONED, I'M A HUGEFAN OF POWER MARKETING.

IT CHANGED MY LIFE.

YOU SEE, IT WAS A REAL POWER TRIP FOR ME

BEING UP THERE IN SPACE FOR A MONTH

INSIDE AN EIGHT BILLION DOLLARSPACESHIP.

WOW, THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY, FOLKS.

AND EVERY DAY AFTER I FINISHEDMY SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENTS,

I WOULD LOOK DOWNON MY FORMER PLANET

AND I WOULD GET A HARD-ON.

A BIG HARD-ON.

BUT ONCE I GOT BACK TO EARTH,

MY HARD-ON WENT AWAY PRETTY QUICK.

I STARTED GETTING HIGH ALL THE TIME.

I WEIGHED 500 POUNDS.

I WAS WASHING MY DISHESTHE BATHTUB...

BUT THEN A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE NAMED DUKE

DID ME A HUGE FAVOR.

HE TURNED ME ON TO POWER MARKETING AND GAVE ME A NEW BRAIN.

MY LIFE CHANGED INSTANTLY.

NOW I'VE GOT A NEW BOAT,

A SWEET LOOKING WIFE,

AND EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUTHOW GREAT MY LIFE IS,

I GET A BIG HARD-ON.

HE GOT A HARD-ON.

Loading...