You know,we work a lot every day
coming up with jokes and comedy,
but sometimes you just want
to put the emotionstraight out there,
even if it's a little raw.
And this is one of those times.
So please enjoy.
Welcome to the Viral Rant.
You know what? I hear all thisstuff about Donald Trump
saying that he'sthe number one person
who's gonna makeAmerica great again.
He's the number one personwho's gonna
take this countryto where it needs to be.
Uh, h-hey, Donald, let metalk to you for a second.
Hey, Donnie, come over herefor a second, man.
Okay, uh, let's chat Mr. Trump.
Mr. I've got so many billionsthat I can't even tell you
how many billions I have,because I don't want
to release my tax returns.
Even though an audit doesn'tactually mean
you can't releaseyour tax returns,
'cause that has nothing to do
with being undera (bleep) audit.
Let me tell you something,Mr. Trump.
Mr. Oh, my name ison everything,
even though I don't ownmost of it.
Let me tell you about thegreatest country in the world.
The greatest countryin the world
is the country that acceptspeople who come in
from everywhere in the world,Mr. Donald Trump.
And I know you thinkhalf the country
is a basket of deportables.
Yeah, I said it: deportables,not deplorables.
But the good peopleof America know
the greatest countryin the world
is the country where you cancome in and create anything.
I'm talking about coming hereand creating Google,
one of the most powerfulcompanies in the world.
Let me tell youabout the greatest country
in the world, Donald J. Trump.
The greatest country in theworld is the home of Steve Jobs,
a man whose familywere refugees
who came to this countryfrom the place
that you're trying to shutdown.
You know who came from Syria?
The iPhone came from Syria,Donald Trump.
The same iPhone that you tweet(bleep) about the refugees on.
So every time you tweet
with those fat little tinyfingers of yours,
you should be saying "thank you"to them
for giving you that same phone,Mr. Donald Trump.
Mr. I don't like what'shappening in this country.
Mr. I'm gonna make Americagreat again.
Hey, let me ask you something,Donald Trump.
How can you make something greatif it's already great, huh?
-Oh, what are you gonna do next?-(cheering)
Make Beyoncé sexy again?
No. Because you can't, Donald,because you can't.
Because this country is alreadyone of the greatest countries.
It already is.
Do you know what that wordmeans, Donald? Already?
It means all ready.
As in, we're all ready for youand your alt-right,
which is not right,because it's all wrong.
So let that soak in to yourstupid hair, Mr. Donald Trump.
The fact that a South Africancan be sitting in this chair
that was once runby an American,
and can be telling youall of this,
this proves how greatthis country is.
You got your wife from a foreigncountry, Mr. Donald Trump.
Oh, what? You don't wantrefugees because you don't want
everyone else havinga beautiful wife?
Is that your big secret plan,huh, Mr. Donald Trump?
Huh? Well, if it is,well played, buddy, well played.
Yeah. Because we're on to youand all of your bull (bleep).
And-and, uh,for all you've been saying
you have a problemwith people of color,
maybe you should lookin the mirror, asshole,
'cause you got the mostcolor of all.
That's what was on my mind.
-I'm Trevor Noah.-(cheering, applause)