President Obama Babyproofs America

January 17, 2017 - John Zimmer 01/17/2017 Views: 106,387

Before President-elect Trump takes office, President Obama makes last-ditch efforts to protect the environment, downsize Guantanamo Bay and address police bias. (5:25)

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Speaking of flawlessfirst black presidents.

In three days Barack Obama

will no longer be the officialPresident of the United States.

-No, no.-(audience booing)

He'll still be theunofficial president,

because you know why?

There's no term limitsin people's hearts.

AUDIENCE:Aw.

Now, with less than a weekto go, uh,

before you'reno longer president,

you'd think Barack would spendmost of his time playing Xbox

in the situation roomwith Joe Biden, you know,

just hanging out eating pizza.

Look at that. They looklike they're having fun.

Obama's just like, "Uh, boom.

Now you're the second guywho died on the screen."

On the real though,

President Obama has been busyover the last few weeks, uh,

not only trying to cementhis legacy,

but also working on thetransition to President Trump.

But what I've noticed is

it feels less likea transfer of power

and more like Obamahas been babyproofing America.

No, no, which makes sense,because America has essentially

elected a giant baby.

And like any good parent, youneed to bolt things to the wall,

you move valuablesto the high shelves,

you babycade the stairs,you know?

Because, as much as you chosethis little (bleep),

you know that they're probablygonna destroy the place.

-You know that this is true.-(cheering, applause)

And that... and that is exactlywhat Obama's trying to prevent.

Take, for example,the environment.

We know baby Trump doesn'tbelieve in climate change

or restricting oil drillingor moving towards green energy.

And so papa Obama's... you know,

he's taking some of that land

and he's putting iton a higher shelf.

REPORTER: President Obama banned drilling this week

in hundreds of millions of acres

of the Arctic and Atlantic Oceans,

and used a 1953 law to ensure a more difficult process

for the next administration to reverse that prohibition.

The president's last bitof environmental measures,

including his designation of two new national monuments--

Bears Ears in Utah and Gold Butte in Nevada.

There's a push to dial it back,

but undoing a national monumentis unchartered territory.

Damn.

Obama had to use a lawfrom 1953 to get this done.

You know a black manis desperate...

when his best optionis to get laws from 1953.

Ain't no good (bleep)waiting for you there, man.

There's no-no good (bleep)there. Everyone's like,

"Don't go there, Obama."He's like, "I got to go.

"I got to go. Uh, we're gonnause this regulation.

"And, if you'll excuse me,I'm gonna take a sip from this,

uh, colored water fountain.Mmm."

I did, uh, I did love this,though, you know?

One of the places Obamadeclared a national monument

was an area called Gold Butte,

which is genius.

Because you know there's no wayTrump is going to unprotect

anything with "gold butt"in the title.

Trump's gonna be like,"That's the best part of...

I love it.That's a monument."

But the environment'snot the only thing Obama's

worried about. There's alsoAmerica's legally dubious

prison facility, Guantanamo Bay,

which Obama has spenthis entire presidency

trying to shut down.

Today Oman is acceptingten more prisoners

for temporary residence.The latest transfers

leave 45 detaineesat Guantanamo.

The administration estimatesit will soon cost

ten million dollars per yearper Guantanamo detainee,

and they say that exorbitantcost should be reason enough

for the next presidentto shut it down.

If you think Donald Trumpcares about cost or reason,

you've learned nothingfrom the last year.

Because Baby Trumphas other plans.

Gitmo, right? Guantanamo Bay.Which, by the way...

which, by the way,we are keeping open.

-Which we are keeping open.-(crowd cheering, applauding)

And we're gonna load it upwith some bad dudes, believe me.

We're gonna load it up.

With some bad dudes.

Bad dudes, get on in there.

Yeah.

Donald... Donald Trumpalways sounds like a man

who's speaking the lyricsto a song.

Have you noticed that?

Like, he sounds likean idiot talking,

but I bet you if John Legendsang those same words,

it would be a hit.

Like, if you-if youput that out and it was like...

♪ Gitmo, right

♪ Guantanamo Bay

♪ Which, by the way,by the way ♪

♪ We are keeping open

♪ Which we are keeping openand we're gonna load it up ♪

♪ With some bad dudes,bad dudes. ♪

We'd be like,"We love you, John."

But Trump sounds likean idiot doing it.

And-and Obama's tryingto baby-Trump-proof

everything he can.Think about it.

He, uh, rallied Democratsto fight

to keep the Affordable Care Act

so that 20 million Americanswould not go uninsured.

He's made it harderfor states to deny funding

to Planned Parenthood,not to mention

he changed the passwordon the White House computer

to PopularVoteLOL.And, uh...

on top of that, just last week,

President Obama'sjustice department

released a damning reportexposing

the Chicago police departmentfor routinely trampling

on civil rights and usingexcessive force,

which was chiefly aimed atAfrican-Americans and Latinos.

Yeah. And the reasonthe Obama administration

rushed this report outwas because they knew

when Jeff Sessions is runningBaby Trump's justice department,

the only reports we're gonna getabout the police

is how handsome they are.

Which they are,but that's not the point.

I'll tell you this,we better hope Papa Obama

can babyproofas much as possible

before the baby's in the house.

Because if there's one thingwe know about this baby,

it's never gonna grow up.