Evangelicals Stick with Donald Trump

October 12, 2016 - Bryan Christy 10/12/2016 Views: 164,299

As Republican legislators distance themselves from Donald Trump in the wake of Pussygate, Christian conservatives come to the presidential hopeful's defense. (7:04)

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Speaking of terrifyingwhite people

with strange makeupand horrible hair,

America's scariest clown,Donald Trump,

-who, who right now...-(cheering and applause)

who right now is in the midst ofa Pussygate meltdown,

has res-- has resorted to allkinds of outlandish claims,

to see if anything sticks;he's going off the rails.

And it's no secret thatDonald Trump and his friends

traffic in conspiracy theories.

What's amazing,

is that we're not the only oneswho've noticed.

I was reading the other day,there-there's a...

a guy on the radio who--

apparently Trump'son his show frequently--

he said me and Hillaryare demons.

Said we smell like sulfur.

Ain't that something?

(crowd laughing)

(laughing, whistling)


I mean... come on, people.

Come on, people.

Obama says itlike this is a prank

and he's just waiting for usto tell him it's a prank.

You know? It's like,"Come on, people.

"Where are the cameras?Where are the cameras at?

Come on,where are the cameras at?"

Oh, and by the way,i-if you're wondering

what Obama does smell like,uh, it's cocoa butter.

That's-that'swhat he smells like.

Cocoa butter:it's why Barack don't crack.

Now, uh, this is justone of the many benefits

of having black peoplein your party--

they're not afraid of clowns.

Unfortunately, Republicansare short on black people,

so they have tocome up with another plan.

REPORTER: Fellow Republicans are abandoning Trump

at an alarming rate.

More than 70prominent Republicans

have denounced Trump's remarksand public statements.

At least 25 of them who hadendorsed their party's nominee

say they canno longer support him.

RNC officials are discussingwhether to shift re-resources

away from Trumpand toward candidates

for other down-ballot races.

REPORTER 2: Some big-dollar donors are demanding refunds,

appalled by Trump's sexually aggressive comments.

Classic rich people.

Always thinkthey're entitled to a refund.

How can I help you, sir?

This is disgusting,I asked for a conservative

political candidate,instead I got

a misogynistic buffoon.

I want to talk to the manager.


Surprise, I am the manager.

I actually feel sorryfor the GOP.

They spent the entirecampaign season

waiting for the Trump pivot,and it never came.

I... Now I see why Republicansdon't believe in evolution.

But it looks like Pussygatewas the straw

that finally brokethe elephant's back.

And luckily for the GOP,

Donald Trumprespects their decision.

Donald Trump now striking back,

calling Speaker Ryana weak and ineffective leader.

But the rapid-fire Twitter jabsquickly snowballed

into an all-out assaulton his own party.

You think that they'd say,"Great going, Don,

let's go,let's beat this crook."

But there's a whole sinisterdeal going on.

Paul Ryan...I don't want his support,

I don't care about his support.

John McCain, who has probablythe dirtiest mouth

-in all of the senate.-MAN: Well, he's a...

REPORTER: "It is so nicethat the shackles have been

taken off me and I can now fightfor America the way I want to."

Yes, people-- apparentlywhat we've seen up until now

was "shackled" Donald Trump.

But not anymore.

Now Trump is like King Kong,

in that they both broke freeof their shackles

and like grabbing white womenwithout asking.


Now, I know... I knowthis seems like a disaster.

But look on the bright side.

Trump is the third partycandidate

Americans have been waiting for.

He's an outsider to everything--

decency, paying taxes, reality.

He's totally his own thing.

Yeah, and there'snobody like him.

He's completely unique,he's like a snowflake.

But a snowflakethat somehow got peed on

before it hit your tongue.

Aah! How is this possible?Aah...

So this is where we stand.Democrats and Republicans

hate Donald Trumpmore than they hate each other.

So you thinkhe's all on his own.

But my friends, you see,you're never alone

in the light of the Lord.

REPORTER: Evangelical voters standing by Donald Trump

despite his lewd comments on that newly-released video.

He apologized, he said he wasembarrassed by those remarks

and then he moved onand he talked about the issues.

I want a campaign that focuseson the future of America,

not the past.

There's nobody watching today

on this, uh, network that,

if everything they've ever said,did, looked at,

uh, interacted with other peopleabout was on tape or video,

wouldn't be deeply embarrassed.

This is not a job interviewfor a Sunday school teacher.

Look, I might notchoose this man

to be a Sunday school teacherin my church, but that's not

-what this election is about.-WOMAN: But sir...

That's right-- we don't trustthis man with our children

or our church, but the nation--eh, (bleep) 'em.

Yeah. Yeah.See you Sunday, folks,

see you Sunday.Yeah.

These men of God do raisea point though.

Who are we to judge? Yeah.

None of us are without sin.

I mean, if men of God,the devout,

believe that we should forgiveDonald Trump,

then who are we to disagree?

-And so...-(choir singing)


Lord, is that you?

No, it's a lightwith a booming voice.

Of course it's me, you idiot.

Trevor, why don't you playthe video

of those men contradictingthemselves, me damn it.

Oh, "me damn it." I see whatyou did there. 'Cause you're...

Don't explain the joke.Just play the tape!

I want a campaign that focuseson the future of America,

not the past.

The major issuesof the 21st century

will be the problemsof the soul.

Everybody that has ever run

for any office in Americaare sinners.

Look, I might not choosethis man

to be a Sunday school teacher.

One thing I think we needto dispel--

the myth is thata person's private morality

has no effect on his ability

to run, uh, for officeor to serve in office.

Look, character is what counts,

and a person's judgmentsin his private life

-spills overinto his other life. -Let me...

Wow, Lord, I don't understand.

You see, my child, many usemy name when it suits them,

but, come election time,

they change their positionsfaster

than my son changes waterinto wine,

which is so irritating.

I mean, it's like, Jesus,some of us have to drive home.

Ah. That makes sense, Lord.

Oh, and, by the way, Trevor...

Yes? Yes, Lord?

...stop jacking off so much.

But my hands are so soft, Lord.

It's the cocoa butter.

Oh, hey, God, can I ask youone quick question?


Why did you create Donald Trump?

Oh, I thought it would be funny.

Sorry, no one's perfect.

Bye now!

Good-bye, Lord! Good-bye!