( applause )

( man )WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE ?

( woman )WHO IS MY REAL FATHER ?

( woman 2 )WILL I EVER FIND A HUSBAND ?

( man )AM I GONNA GET SICK ?

( man 1 )DOES GOD REALLY EXIST ?

( female announcer )FOR CENTURIES, PEOPLE HAVETURNED TO ONE MAN

FOR THE ANSWER TOLIFE'S GREAT MYSTERIES.

THAT MAN IS NEGRODAMUS.

( audience laughing )

YOU, SIR.

NEGRODAMUS,

WHAT MISTAKES DID MICHAELJACKSON MAKE

BEFORE HE GOTARRESTED ?

MICHAEL JACKSON...

SHOULD HAVE NOTBEEN A SINGER.

MICHAEL JACKSONSHOULD HAVE BEEN A PRIEST.

THEN HE WOULD'VE JUST BEENTRANSFERRED.

YOU, MA'AM.

NEGRODAMUS, WHY ISPRESIDENT BUSH SO SURE

IRAQ HAS WEAPONS OFMASS DESTRUCTION ?

BECAUSE HE HASTHE RECEIPT.

NEXT QUESTION.

( cheers & applause )

( speaking Italian )

ROSIE O'DONNELL

SHALL HAVEA SEX CHANGE.

SHE WILL BECOMEA MAN

AND MARRY LIZA MINNELLI'SHUSBAND AND BEAT HIM.

( audience laughing )

GRAZIE, GRAZIEMILLE, GRAZIE.

NEXT.

HI, NEGRODAMUS.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TOSTAR JONES ON THE VIEW ?

STAR JONES, I'MGETTING SOMETHING.

STAR JONES WILLHAVE TWO JOBS.

FIRST, SHE'LL DO THE VIEW.

THEN SHE'LL TAKE HERWIG OFF AND DO THE WEATHER.

THANK YOU,NEGRODAMUS.

( female announcer )FOR CENTURIES, PEOPLEHAVE TURNED TO ONE MAN

FOR THE ANSWER TOLIFE'S GREAT MYSTERIES.

THAT MAN IS NEGRODAMUS.

( applause )