( applause )
( man )WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE ?
( woman )WHO IS MY REAL FATHER ?
( woman 2 )WILL I EVER FIND A HUSBAND ?
( man )AM I GONNA GET SICK ?
( man 1 )DOES GOD REALLY EXIST ?
( female announcer )FOR CENTURIES, PEOPLE HAVETURNED TO ONE MAN
FOR THE ANSWER TOLIFE'S GREAT MYSTERIES.
THAT MAN IS NEGRODAMUS.
( audience laughing )
YOU, SIR.
NEGRODAMUS,
WHAT MISTAKES DID MICHAELJACKSON MAKE
BEFORE HE GOTARRESTED ?
MICHAEL JACKSON...
SHOULD HAVE NOTBEEN A SINGER.
MICHAEL JACKSONSHOULD HAVE BEEN A PRIEST.
THEN HE WOULD'VE JUST BEENTRANSFERRED.
YOU, MA'AM.
NEGRODAMUS, WHY ISPRESIDENT BUSH SO SURE
IRAQ HAS WEAPONS OFMASS DESTRUCTION ?
BECAUSE HE HASTHE RECEIPT.
NEXT QUESTION.
( cheers & applause )
( speaking Italian )
ROSIE O'DONNELL
SHALL HAVEA SEX CHANGE.
SHE WILL BECOMEA MAN
AND MARRY LIZA MINNELLI'SHUSBAND AND BEAT HIM.
( audience laughing )
GRAZIE, GRAZIEMILLE, GRAZIE.
NEXT.
HI, NEGRODAMUS.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TOSTAR JONES ON THE VIEW ?
STAR JONES, I'MGETTING SOMETHING.
STAR JONES WILLHAVE TWO JOBS.
FIRST, SHE'LL DO THE VIEW.
THEN SHE'LL TAKE HERWIG OFF AND DO THE WEATHER.
THANK YOU,NEGRODAMUS.
( female announcer )FOR CENTURIES, PEOPLEHAVE TURNED TO ONE MAN
FOR THE ANSWER TOLIFE'S GREAT MYSTERIES.
THAT MAN IS NEGRODAMUS.
( applause )