All right, well, uh,let's get back to real life
or whatever we're callingthis thing now.
Donald Trump will be the nextpresident of the United States,
and it's a confusing time.
But luckilywe've got news experts.
Trump won. So what now?
We have no ideawhat Trump is gonna do.
We may not knowwho we're getting.
There is a great unknown aboutwhat Donald Trump is gonna do.
REPORTER: Nobody on the planet knows
what Donald Trump's gonna do.
That's true.Nobody on the plant knows
what Donald Trump's going to do,including Donald Trump.
He's making it upas he goes along.
His presidencyis basically gonna be
a high-stakes improv scene.
"All right, folks,I need a character
"and a location and somethingmuch better than Obamacare.
Thank you, thank you.Thank you."
I'm not surprised that peopleare terrified at the prospect
of a Trump presidency.I mean, you've probably heard
of many Americans sayingthey want to move to Canada.
Yeah, which is slightlypresumptuous, in my opinion.
You know? Like Canadais just gonna wave you in.
You realize that Canada has avery strict immigration policy.
To be eligible, you have to nameat least six cities in Canada,
which is actually pretty easy.I mean, it's...
There's Vancouver,there's Montreal, uh, Quebec,
Nickelback, Celine Dion. Cool.So anyway...
since Trump's victory...
You realize I've been askedthat question by many people.
A man in the audience asked methat today,
whether or not I am going to runaway back to South Africa.
Which I find slightly ironic,you know?
Before Trump, there were peoplewho hated me who were saying,
"Go back to Africa!"
Now it's peoplewho like me saying,
"You should go back to Africa,man.
You should really go backto Africa."
But-but here's the thing,here's the thing,
running to Africawon't necessarily shield me
from Trumpness.Because, remember,
when I first started hosting The Daily Show,
I said Donald Trump reminds meof an African dictator.
And we have the evidenceto back it up.
I make a tremendous amountof money.
People love me.Everybody loves me.
God helped meby giving me a certain brain.
We will have so much winningif I get elected
that you may get boredwith winning!
Yeah. Remember that?Remember that, right?
And-and that's what I said.He reminds me of an Af...
Although, I-I will admit,now I feel like I owe
African dictators an apology,uh, you know?
They were probably watchingthis election like,
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
"I might kill people,
"but to grab someoneby the pussy,
"no, no, no, no, no. No.
"No, no, no, no.
"I have decorum.
"I have decorum, huh?
"What kind of a man grabs it?
"You touch it,maybe you rub it, huh?
"Why are you grabbing it?
"Maybe your hands are small.
That's why you have to grab,huh? No, no, no, no, no."
Now, the thought, the thoughtof Donald Trump as a dictator
was funnier when him in powerwas hypothetical.
But then America decidedto shake things up.
And now it seems likethe best place for you to find
the answers about a possiblefuture lie in the third world.
Which I know can be hardfor a lot people,
because you usually lookto the third world
only when you want to guilt tripyour kids
when they hate theirChristmas presents, you know?
"Well, I'm suresome kids in Africa
"would love to getthis educational computer game,
And don't get me wrong,I-I know that hearing
about foreign politicscan sometimes be drier
than Marco Rubio's tongue.But-but bear with me here.
Bear with me here.Looking at leaders like him
may be the only wayto figure out Donald Trump.
And I'm thinking specificallyof my home country,
South Africa, also knownas the one African country
you can easily find on the map,right? Yeah.
It's just like, "Africa.Uh, there. Cool."
Up until a few years ago,our economy was humming,
tourism was thriving,and we, too, were celebrating
our first black president.
You remember that feeling?Yeah, yeah?
You know that feeling?Basically, times were good.
REPORTER: After 27 years, Nelson Mandela
walked out of Victor Verster Prison today.
SEPP BLATTER: The 2010
FIFA World Cup
will be organizedin South Africa.
(cheering and applause)
MAN: South Africa's Oscar Pistorius won the day.
MAN 2: Oscar Pistorius is the Paralympic champion!
♪ Of life...
Oh, man, so many good memories.
I was in the crowd whenthe Simba thing was happening.
Yeah, we had to stop doing that
'cause the next year,he dropped the cub.
-It was weird. Anyway...-(laughter)
The point is, things werelooking up for us as a nation.
But unfortunately,in the last few years,
things have taken a turnfor the worse.
The economy has stalled.
Unemployment is at record highs.
Government corruptionis rampant.
And it wasn't just OscarPistorius who disappointed us.
Just last year, Simba wasarrested for securities fraud.
Yes, so why did this all happen?
Well, I'll tell you why.
Because South African votersdecided to shake things up.
And, so, we elected a manby the name of Jacob Zuma,
a charismatic,anti-establishment president.
And I know you can't relate,but bear with me.
Bear with me.
You see,the inept, self-serving way
that Zuma has runhis administration
has turned South Africafrom a rising power
to a very troubled state.
And the reasonI'm telling you this is that
because when you lookat Zuma and Trump,
it seems like they're brothersfrom another mother.
In South Africa,that country's high court says
the nation's president,Jacob Zuma,
should face more than 700corruption and fraud charges.
Donald Trump has over 400lawsuits against him right now.
WOMAN: Zuma is building his reputation
as the man of the people.
Donald Trump isa man of the people.
MAN: Jacob Zuma's most avid supporters can be found
in rural areas and townships.
His supporters are
overwhelminglyrural area voters.
MAN: He was also charged and then acquitted of rape.
He has a rape status conferencewith a judge coming up.
MAN: Jacob Zuma was called "The Teflon Politician."
I've said it time and timeagain. He is the Teflon Don.
Yup. Just like my president,
Donald Trump appearsto be Teflon.
Literally, Teflon, though.
I think that's whathe's spraying on his face.
-(laughter) -That's whyit looks so strange.
And now, look,
all of these similaritiesare amusing on the surface.
What's more importantis understanding
what a leader like thiscould mean for America.
For instance, let's...let's just look
at what Donald Trump saidjust this week.
MAN: The president-elect says he plans to place his company
in a blind trust to be run by his children,
but the legal experts say the definition of a blind trust
is that it's run by people not in contact with the owner.
Yeah, it's a bit weirdthat we have to say this,
but, Donald, the pointof a blind trust is
that you can't seewhere your money is.
It reassures the country
that their presidentisn't making decisions
for his own financial gain.
If your kids,who you talk to every day,
are running the trust,then it's not blind.
You see, it's the differencebetween Ray Charles
and Jamie Foxx playing Ray Charles.
-(applause)-One of them is blind.
And one of them is faking it,and getting rich in the process.
We saw the same thingin South Africa.
Jacob Zuma started offlike this.
He was like, "Oh, my kidsare gonna run businesses."
And they do.They also run businesses.
And then, those businesseshave won billions
in inflated government contracts
which has cost the taxpayermillions
and billions of dollars,and they screwed the economy.
So what's another one ofDonald Trump's signature moves?
If I win, I am goingto instruct my attorney general
to get a special prosecutor
to look into your situation.
It's just awfully good
that someone with thetemperament of Donald Trump
is not in chargeof the law in our country.
Yeah, because you'd be in jail.
I wonder if... (laughs)
We're probably gonna haveto cut this, but I'm like,
-can his dealer get to The WhiteHouse? Whatever. -(laughter)
So Trump using prosecutionto intimidate his opponents--
it might seem like a novel thingin the U.S.,
but just like soccer, you mightwant to get used to it.
You see, it's called"state capture."
Hijacking state resourcesfor your personal benefit.
And by the way,the term "state capture"--
we didn't know that termin South Africa until this year.
Now we just use it in common.
Like, everyone's just like,"Ah, state capture."
"Yeah, state capture,state capture."
It's become a normal thingbecause in South Africa,
it's a tactic that Zuma hasexploited again and again.
For instance, this year,
when the finance ministerof South Africa
called out our presidentfor illegal business dealings,
Zuma ordered our FBI
to prosecute the financeminister on dubious charges.
Oh, and just in caseyou're wondering,
we don't call them the "FBI."
Our agency is called the Hawks,right?
And before that,we called them the Scorpions.
And, yes, I know
our law enforcement agenciessound like gangs
in a bootleg West Side Story, but we like it.
-(laughter) -It makes us feelat home, you know?
It's not only great
for intimidating your rivals,as well.
It's also goodbecause it distracts the people
from the problems you're having.
And now, I'm not sayingthat Donald Trump will do that.
But if he does,you guys owe me 20, all right?
For everything that you look at,
Zuma and Trump even feelthe same way about the media.
And the media are amongthe most dishonest people
-anywhere at any time.-(crowd clamoring)
But they can't stop us.
They write lies,they write false stories.
They know they're false,it makes no difference.
The election is being rigged
by corrupt media pushingcompletely false allegations
and outright lies.
It's exactly the same.
It's almost like when they leavethe house, Melania is like,
"Okay, Donald,I do Michelle's ones,
you take the African guy'slines, okay?"
You see, when you're the headof government
and you're tryingto get away with (bleep),
a free press is not your friend.
It's the reason that PresidentZuma has been trying for years
to get the legal powerto censor South African press,
or as Donald Trumpwould so eloquently say...
We're gonna open upthose libel laws,
so that when The New York Times
writes a hit piecewhich is a total disgrace,
we can sue them and win money.
So we're gonna open upthose libel laws, folks,
and we'regonna have people sue you
-like you never got sued before.-(cheering)
Yeah! I love the crowd cheeringlike they're getting the money.
We're all gettingthe money! Yeah!
Now, now, again,I'm not saying that Trump's
definitely gonna do that.
But if it's true,I'm not gonna be able
to say that later on.
So I may as well say it now.
Now, luckily,Zuma hasn't been able
to muzzle the pressin South Africa, right?
Because he doesn't have controlof South Africa's court system.
That is a big hindrance to him.
But a hindrance that El Trumpomay not have to face.
-He's gonna be fillingthe lower courts. -Mm-hmm.
There are dozensof district court vacancies,
federal court of appealsvacancies,
and these are the courtsthat actually decide
the vast majority of litigationin the United States.
...at least oneSupreme Court justice,
maybe as many as four.
NEWSMAN: Trump will potentially shape the court
for a generation.
there are many differencesand many similarities,
and I'm not sayingit's going to be the same here
as it isin a Third World country,.
Of course not.
I'm sayingit could be much worse.
We'll be right back.