You know, we spend a lot of timewriting jokes on the show,
thinking of the funniest way toshare the news and talk to you,
but honestly, for this segment,I just wanted to be straight up.
I see people online,I see people on TV,
I hear people in the streetstalking about how
they don't feel like they want to vote.
And I understand that.
It's not alwaysexciting to vote.
You know, some people go,"Hey, there's no need to vote.
Hillary's up in the polls."
Now if you are one of thosepeople, I would consider you...
I would ask you to...I would urge you to reconsider,
because Hillary was up inMichigan during the primaries.
They said that she had a 99%chance of winning, 20 points up.
Bernie Sanders went onto win that.
Now that was greatbecause it was a mistake
that benefited Bernie Sanders.
And if you ever want a mistake,
you want it to benefitBernie Sanders, you know.
That's the kind of placeyou want to be.
But that was 20 points.
Hillary's only upin some polls by two.
You realize that's less than afield goal in American football.
If you were up by threein a game,
you wouldn't be like,"Well, we got it, folks.
I think we can rest."
You can't rest.
This is not one of the timesto rest.
And the most important reasonI say that to you is because
the peopleon Donald Trump's side
are really,really enthusiastic voters.
He has the KKK voting for him.
Like, if ever there was a reasonto vote,
it's because on the other side,
the KKK sees an opportunity tocome back into the mainstream.
That is the scariest (bleep)
I have ever come acrossin my life.
They're parading in public.
They're considering just makingone big hole now.
-That's how confident they are.-(laughter)
Like, I don't understandwhen people say, like,
"I don't know, man,I don't care.
I don't knowif I want to go out."
They are definitelygonna go out.
The KKK aren't, like...
There is no K in "complacent,"my friends.
They are going out there,and they're gonna be vot...
You understand these arethe same people who make crosses
to make their point,do you understand?
Like, you can't order a crosson Amazon.
These people are out there,and they're like,
"Oh, we're gonna make that.We're gonna make that,
burn it down, and wear whiteat the same time."
That is very, very confident,and I urge you...
to be as confident.
Get out there and vote.
You might be one of those peoplesitting at home
going, like,"Yeah, well, it doesn't matter.
What am I gonna do?" You know?
"It's the establishment,anyw..."
Yeah, the establishment issomething we've seen before.
Even if Hillary'sa bad president,
America's had bad presidents.
You can impeach a bad president.
You can vote outa bad president.
You've never had a Donald Trump.
-(laughter)-Nobody's had a Donald Trump.
No one even knowswhat that thing is.
People go, "He's an outsider,he's not in the establishment."
Yeah, he's not partof the human race establishment.
-(laughter, applause, whooping)-We don't know what that is.
And so I urge youto go out and vote.
Do not be in a situationwhere you lose your democracy
before you appreciate it.
And if you're not surewhere to vote
or whether you need,you know, I.D.,
text "hello" to 384-387,
or you can DM--use Twitter-- @gov.
If you need help gettingto the poll-- Uber, Lyft,
Zipcar-- they're offeringdiscounts in key cities.
If you run into any problemsat the poll
or anybody triesto stop you from voting,
You can get help immediately.
One of my favorite ideas,personally,
is coming from theskimm, andall you got to do is join them,
and they've got a buddy systemwhere you team up with a friend
or a coworker or anyone, really,and you promise them
that you're gonna vote, andthen you hold them accountable.
You know?It's like going to the gym--
except with this thing,you got to do it.
-(laughter)-You can't skip it
and then vote twice the next dayto make up.
It doesn't work like that.
So I urge you-- it doesn'tmatter what your choice is,
doesn't matter what you think--go out and vote.
No excuses. Go vote.
We'll be right back.
(clicks tongue twice)
About to make history.Am I right?
First lady president.
TRUMP: You'll never get bored with winning.
We never get bored!
TRUMP: Bing, bing, bong, bong. Bing...
You are going to love President Trump.
I'm gonna bomb the (bleep) out of 'em.
(both panting heavily)