How Do We Not Know Who Won the Election Yet?

November 8, 2016 - Election Night Special 11/08/2016 Views: 21,820

A melancholy Roy Wood Jr. breaks the news that Donald Trump won North Carolina, and Ronny Chieng weighs in on America's antiquated election technology. (3:11)

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We are live.I'm here with Roy Wood Jr.

We're still checking inwith all of the state results.

Are you keeping in there?

-Are you keeping it together?-Yeah, I'm-I'm trying, man.

-What have you got?-I'm trying, man.

You know, like, you sipping thatbefore you give me the result

-doesn't make me feel good.-Well, just this whole day

shouldn't make you feel good.

Uh, North Carolina,93% of the precincts reporting,

North Carolinagoes to Donald Trump.

What a big surprise.What do you know?

Confederate Flags "R" Usgoes to the hot wing.

That was actuallya very funny joke.

Like, I'm thinking I'm-I'm gonnasave some of these jokes

for tomorrow in my headand then laugh

when the pain has washed over.

That's what I'll do, yeah.

That's what I'll do.Actually, think about it.

Like, for tonight,we're just gonna be like,

until it's called,like, this is...

Barack Obama's still president,Hillary's still in the race,

we're gonna keep this thinggoing. We're gonna

-keep this thing going.-(cheering, applause)

We're gonna keep it up. Aah!

All right, all right. Uh...for more election analysis,

we're joinedby Ronny Chieng, everybody.

-Ronny Chieng in the house.-Thank you, thank you.

Thanks, Trevor.

Lots of questionsbeing asked today, like

"Why the hellis this still going on?

How do we not know who won yet?"

America votes forone of two people.

Or, in this case, a personand pumpkin spice dildo.

Then who-whoeverhas the most wins. Easy.

Do we have to call Ryan Seacrestin to take care of this?

Because they can countthe American Id votes

in a commercial break.Why can't Americans

vote online or by text?

Send a HRT to 1-800 let'sget this (bleep) over with.

Yeah, 20 minutes later--boom, we get the results

and then we can all go back toreading Westworld fan theories.

My personal theoryis the whole thing takes place

on a really boring TV show.

Here, let-let meshow you something.

-Mm.-NOAH: Wait, what are you...

There you go.I just ordered an Uber,

sent a Snapchat, canceledmy Uber, checked my Facebook

and signed up to a Zoomba classin ten seconds.

I'm not gonna lie, you-youdon't... you don't really

seem like the Zoomba type.

I'm Zoomba-ing out my rage,okay, Trevor?

Why does it take this longto reject a candidate?

I can reject 100 people onTinder in less than a minute.

Or they can reject me. Look,it's not important how it works.

Voting needs to get withthe times. It's 2016.

We all have super computersin our pockets

and you're telling me peoplehave to leaving their house,

go to some random middle school,

wait in line for five hoursand pull on a lever.

The only reasona grown man should ever

go to a middle schoolis to sell drugs.

That's a good point.

And I-I agree, but I-I...

think you need to be careful,though, because it shouldn't be

about being fast, it should beabout doing it right.

No. If America wanted to dothings right,

we wouldn't be waiting for...to-to hear whether or not

Donald Trump is president.

-Listen...-(cheering, applause)

Listen, Trevor,

I got a bottle of whiskeyright here, okay?

And in ten minutes,I'm gonna start drinking it.

And all I need to knowis if I'm gonna get happy drunk

or apocalypse drunk.

I'm hoping it's happy drunk.Save some for me, Ronny.

-Ronny Chieng, everybody.-(cheering, applause)

By the way, I thinkyou might have a problem.