Back in Black - The Trump Inauguration's No-Star Lineup

January 17, 2017 - John Zimmer 01/17/2017 Views: 155,458

Lewis Black breaks down Team Trump's futile attempts to book A-list performers at the president-elect's inauguration. (5:46)

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When a news storyfalls through the cracks,

our very own Lewis Blackcatches it

with a segmentwe call Back in Black.

-♪ -(cheering and applause)

The inaugurationof America's last president

is only a few days away,

and it's shaping up to beas exciting

as bird-watchingwith a tax attorney!

REPORTER: We're days away from Donald Trump's inauguration.

So why is such a major event

having problems booking major acts?

At least some starsare turning down the invitation.

Donald Trump has hada tough time attracting

many celebrities. Celine Dion, Elton John,

KISS, Ice-T, just a few.

You want to know why

so many celebrities diedin 2016?

It was to get out of playingthe goddamn inauguration!

(cheering and applause)


but, hey,being universally hated

is no excuse for not throwinga good party.

Richard Nixon booked James Brownfor his inauguration!

Look at that!

The Godfather of Soul

shaking hands with James Brown!

Personally,I don't give two (bleep)

whether famous peopleare lining up

to serenade the new president.

I got my ticketsand I'm gonna go no matter what,

because I want to be therewhen Trump touches the Bible

and his hand catches on fire!

(cheering and applause)

But you know what?President-elect Sour Grapes

doesn't give a damn ifthe cool kids come to his party.

REPORTER: Trump tweeted as though the whole thing

doesn't bother him. "The so-called A-list celebrities

"are wanting tickets to the inauguration,

"but look what they did for Hillary, nothing.

I want the people!"

What a coincidence!

The guy who can't bookany celebrities

doesn't want any celebrities.

Reminds meof when I was a teenager.

I swore off having sex withthe prettiest girl in my class.

No, thanks, Charlene.I'm in a loving relationship

with some Polaroidsof my cleaning lady.

Now, before you go thinking

it's just celebritiesturning down the gig,

even people known for lining up

and doing exactly what they'retold to don't want to perform.

REPORTER: The Rockettes are kicking up controversy

over the upcoming presidential inauguration.

AUTUMN WITHERS: The Rockettes represent a legacy of strong,

intelligent, and classy women.

And so to associate this with Mr. Trump,

who has a public history of degrading women,

objectifying women,really tarnishes

what the Rockettes embody.

Well, how about we compromise?

The Rockettes are forcedto perform

but they get to take turnskicking President Trump

in the balls!

(cheering and applause)

And... and speaking of balls,

this inauguration has sucha stink on it,

it's toxic to even get near it.

Uproar on social media

after the band froma historically black college

in Alabama is invited to perform

at President-elect Donald Trump's inauguration.

The Talladega College Marching Tornadoes band

accepted the invitation to take part in the inaugural parade.

Why the hell is a historicallyblack college's marching band

performing for a guywho retweets white supremacists?

-(applause) -If you wanta college marching band,

what about Trump University?

Sure, it's just one guywith a kazoo

who's $50,000 in debt,

but he sure could use the work!

(cheering and applause)

But don't ever countthe Donald out.

He's always gota few surprises up his sleeve,

and Trump's inaugurationcommittee

tweeted out the big news.

REPORTER (reading):

Move over, Beyoncé and Jay Z,

we've got a celebrity horsecoming through!

Of course, Black Jack himselfwon't be able to attend,

since he died in 1976.

Not to coin a phrase,

but you guys areliterally tweeting a dead horse.

Right now the two biggest actsbooked for the inauguration

are an America's Got Talent contestant.

Contestant, not winner!


And the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Uh, yes!

The thrill of choir music, butwith the edginess of Mormonism.

(laughter, applause & cheering)


And don't forgetabout the parties.

At one of the inaugural balls,they've got great acts like

-1980s cover bandThe Reagan Years. -(laughter)

They play all the hitsfrom the '80s

while ignoringthe existence of AIDS.


But, look,when it comes down to it,

we may not knowwho will perform,

but we've justfound out the theme.

With just over a weekuntil Donald Trump

is officially sworn inas president,

we now have a better ideaof the theme of his celebration.

Soft sensuality.

(laughter and groaning)

Yeah, that's right--soft sensuality.


Good to know, when America'sgetting (bleep) by Donald Trump,

at least he'll do it gently.