Substitute Teacher Pt. 1

I'm Retired Season 2, Ep 4 10/17/2012 Views: 1,877,739

While taking attendance, inner-city substitute teacher Mr. Garvey has trouble adjusting to a classroom full of middle-class white students. (2:51)

Watch Full Episode

[bell rings]

- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, Y'ALL.

I'M Y'ALL'S SUBSTITUTE TEACHER,MR. GARVEY.

I TAUGHT SCHOOL FOR 20 YEARSIN THE INNER CITY,

SO DON'T EVEN THINKABOUT MESSING WITH ME.

Y'ALL FEEL ME?- MM-HMM.

- OKAY.LET'S TAKE ROLL HERE.

JAY QUELLIN.

WHERE'S JAY QUELLIN AT?

NO JAY QUELLIN HERE?

- [clears throat]- YEAH.

- UH, DO YOU MEAN JACQUELINE?

- OKAY. SO THAT'SHOW IT'S GONNA BE.

Y'ALL WANNA PLAY.

OKAY, THEN.

I GOT MY EYE ON YOU,JAY QUELLIN.

BALAKAY.

WHERE IS BALAKAY AT?

THERE'S NO BALAKAY HERE TODAY?

YES, SIR.

- MY NAME IS BLAKE.- BL...

ARE YOU OUTOF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?

[mocking voice] BLAKE.WHAT?

DO YOU WANNA GO TO WAR, BALAKEY?- NO.

- 'CAUSE WE COULD GO TO WAR.- NO.

- I'M FOR REAL.I'M FOR REAL.

SO YOU BETTER CHECK YOURSELF.

DEE-NICE.

IS THERE A DEE-NICE?

IF ONE OF Y'ALL SAYSSOME SILLY-ASS NAME...

THIS WHOLE CLASSIS GONNA FEEL MY WRATH.

NOW, DEE-NICE.- DO YOU MEAN DENISE?

- SON OF A BITCH!

YOU SAY YOUR NAME RIGHT,RIGHT NOW.

- DENISE?- YOU SAY IT RIGHT.

- DENISE.- CORRECTLY.

- DENISE.- RIGHT.

- DENISE.- RIGHT.

- DEE-NICE.- THAT'S BETTER.

- [sighs]- THANK YOU.

NOW, AY-AY-RON.

WHERE ARE YOU?

WHERE IS AY-AY-RON RIGHT NOW?

NO AY-AY RON, HUH?

WELL, YOU BETTER BE SICK,DEAD, OR MUTE, AY-AY-RON!

- HERE.OH, MAN.

- WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER METHE FIRST TIME I SAID IT, HUH?

- HUH?- YOU KNOW, I'M JUST ASKING YOU.

I SAID IT,LIKE, FOUR TIMES.

SO WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY IT THEFIRST TIME I SAID, "AY-AY-RON?"

- BECAUSE IT'S PRONOUNCED"AARON."

- SON OF A BITCH![clattering]

YOU DONE MESSED UP, AY-AY RON,NOW TAKE YOUR ASS ON DOWN

TO OH-SHAG-HENNESY'S OFFICERIGHT NOW AND TELL HIM

EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID!

- WHO?- OH-SHAG-HENNESY!

- PRINCIPAL O'SHAUGHNESSY?

- GET OUT OF MY GODDAMNCLASSROOM BEFORE I BREAK

MY FOOT OFFIN YOUR ASS!

INSUBORDINATE...

AND CHURLISH.

TYM-OH-THEE.

- PRESENT.- THANK YOU!

MORE SKETCHES
  • All Videos
  • Obama's Anger Translator
  • Valets
  • Levi & Cedric
  • Meegan & Andre
  • Wendell
  • music
  • supernatural
  • history
  • partying
  • dating
  • school
  • work/office
  • health
  • movies
  • TV
  • Season 5
  • Season 4
  • Season 3
  • Season 2
  • Season 1

Non-Scary Movie

2:57

Two friends leaving a horror movie talk about how unaffected they were by the scary parts.

These Nuts - Uncensored

4:14

A man confronts a colleague about his troubling reliance on a terrible joke.

Seasons 4 and 5 Outtakes - Uncensored

1:38

Keegan and Jordan fail to keep it together while shooting Seasons 4 and 5.

Ray Parker Jr. Theme Songs

2:33

The singer who performed the "Ghostbusters" song presents a box set featuring his best unreleased movie themes.

Meegan and Andre Break Up - Uncensored

4:08

Andre's plan to end things with Meegan doesn't quite go as planned.

Negrotown - Uncensored

4:35

A black man who's stopped by the police discovers that there's a way to escape racism.

Airplane Continental

3:18

An impressionable traveler experiences a world of luxuries when he's upgraded to economy plus.

Hold Me Back - Uncensored

2:50

Two friends have trouble negotiating a scuffle in a nightclub.

The Morty Jebsen Show Goes Off the Rails - Uncensored

4:18

Hip-hop star Young Bidness has a highly unusual freakout when a talk-show host asks about his recent breakup.

Marbles

5:09

During his first day on the job, the assistant state's attorney can't resist a beautiful jar full of marbles.

"Game of Thrones" Recap - Uncensored

2:39

Before the premiere of "Game of Thrones" Season 5, the valets look back at the show's most striking moments.