But first, let's talka little bit more
about Monday'spresidential debate,
because that wasn't justa big news event in America.
People around the worldwere watching this event.
And I mean everyone.
More than 84 million Americans
watched the firstpresidential debate,
but they were not the only onespaying attention.
The Taliban was also tuning in.
A spokesman for the group says
they were, quote,"very interested"
and watched from a secretlocation in Afghanistan.
-That's right, people.-(laughter)
The Taliban watched the debatefrom a secret location,
or like a literal man-cave,that's what this was.
Although, like, Taliban,you don't have to say
you are in a secret location.
You're the Taliban.
We just assumeyou're in a secret location.
That was like Taylor Swift
describing her new boyfriendas "new."
-Like, we get it. We get it.-(laughter)
I wonder whatthe Taliban thinks,
you know, watching that debate.
Even just seeing Hillary Clintonup there,
how does the Taliban processthat information?
They probably hadto cut out a burka
and just tape it over her sideof the screen.
And by the way, by the way,
my favorite part of the story--and this is all true--
is that the Taliban releaseda statement--
this is completely true--
calling Donald Trumpa "non-serious" candidate
who says "anythingthat comes to his tongue."
This is the Taliban.The Taliban.
(applause and cheering)
The Taliban sees Donald Trump,and even they think he is crazy.
They're like,"We may be terrorists,
but Donald Trump is goingto end the world!"
-(laughter) -"How are you guysnot seeing this?!
"What are you thinking?! Huh?
"Yeah, you put him in charge,
"what are we goingto have to blow up?
Nothing!There's nothing for us!"
Although, truthfully, theTaliban wasn't really happy
about anythingthat happened at the debate.
But in the end,the Taliban was disappointed
because the candidates did notdiscuss plans for their country.
You see?Americans and the Taliban
aren't so different after all.
Both complainingafter the debate.
You know, I wonderif the Taliban even planned
to watch the debatein the first place,
or maybe it's the same thingthat happens in America.
Maybe they turn on the TVto watch something else
that got preempted, like CSI: Jalalabad or something.
-(laughter) -Yeah, and they werewatch... supposed to watch,
and they're like, "Ah, damn,it's on every channel.
We're just gonna watch."
CSI: Jalalabad is, like...
It's probably a great show,you know?
Every episode is just like,"So how do you think he died?"
"Ah, probably a suicide bomb.
That's usually what it."
And then there's, like, one guywho comes in, and he's like,
"I guess you could say his phonewas really... blowing up."