Okay, welcome back.I'm here with panel.
First up, Nightly Show contributor Rory Albanese.
And Nightly Show contributor Grace Parra.
And you can see herin the Garfunkel and Oates
comedy special Trying to be Special available on Vimeo
on May 5 and in season twoof Another Period
starting June 15on Comedy Central,
actress and comedianRiki Lindhome.
And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now
on Twitter-- @NightlyShowusing #Tonightly.
Okay, so, last week,uh, Donald Trump,
uh, said thisabout Hillary Clinton.
Well, I think the only cardshe has is the woman's card.
She's got nothing else going.And, frankly,
if Hillary Clinton were a man
I don't think she'd getfive percent of the vote.
The only thing she's got goingis the woman's card.
-Okay. Um...-(panelists laughing)
So, when Trump says"playing the woman's card"...
what does that even mean?
Well, okay, I-I thinkhe's trying to come to terms
with the fact that women are themajority of the electorate, and
70% of us hate him.
Want to boil his ballsin a vat of oil.
-(cheering, applause) -Andthat-that crosses party lines.
-A vat.-We hate him. A vat of it, yeah.
Yeah. I think he's justtrying to come to terms
with his dislikability, yes.
-I actually brought a woman'scard with me. -Oh. -Oh!
-Oh, that's, uh, that'sfrom Hillary, right? -Yeah.
-This is the... this is thecard. -That's the actual one,
-right? Yeah.-Yeah, yeah. I-I brought one.
-And it actually worksfor a lot of things. -Okay.
Um, I get maternity leavein every country but this one.
-Oh. -Yeah.-So that's good.
-Yes. -I can use any bathroomin North Carolina.
-'Cause I'm non-threatening.-Good. Okay. -Mm-hmm.
PARRA: You can earn78 cents to the dollar.
-Yeah. -Yes. Which is wonderful.-Yeah.
It doesn't sound likethat's all that great, then.
Oh, well, I feel like one of youmen should explain it to me.
'Cause I don't get it.
-So... -Uh, when-whenis it a... when is it a card
and when is it justtelling the truth, you know?
I don't-I don'tunderstand the card thing.
'Cause that keeps coming up.The race card, the woman card.
It's like, we're notplaying Magic: The Gathering.
I don't get it. It's like,we're trying to get a president.
-It doesn't make any sense.-Yeah. -Right.
-Uh, Cards Against Humanity.-Yeah, well... I...
Without a doubt,that's what Trump is playing.
-That's a fact.-Um...
Yeah, I-I don't know.I... It feels like the...
the idea of Hillaryplaying the woman card is like,
-she's a woman. I-I don'tunderstand. -Yeah, yeah.
-Like, that's just-justwhat she is, so...
And it has been for everyfemale president... Oh, wait.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. -Right.-No. Yeah. Right.
No, but, yeah, that's the thing,too, is that idea of, like,
it's an advantage.And you're going, "What?"
They're... People haven'teven come close.
-Nope.-You know what I mean?
Someone actually said in '08,"Well, if-if Obama
hadn't have been black,he wouldn't be president." What?
-What? -Yeah, yeah.-It's like, how come
-we didn't know this before,you know? -Yeah, exactly.
-That was the secret?-ALBANESE: That was it, yeah.
Just... All you had to dowas run. Just run, yeah.
I don't understand this--I don't understand why advocacy
for a positionis playing a card. You know?
Or courseHillary's gonna be, uh,
advocating for women's rights.She's been advocating for that
for a long time.But anybody on that side
is gonna be advocating that.Why does she have to be playing
the woman cardif she's advocating?
Well, you know, I do-I do thinkthere have been instances
this electionwhere it's gone too far.
Like with Madeleine Albrightand Gloria Steinem,
some things they've said havejust been like, "Vote for her,
she's a woman, vote for her",and it's like, okay...
-That would be playing the womancard. -That's playing
the woman card. Although I willadmit to playing the woman card
when I need furniture moved.
-Yes. -All right. -These arms--they're pretty atrophied.
And I would-and I would,uh, very quickly deny that card.
Yes. Yes. I use this cardto get out of camping.
-Oh. -Oh, that's a good one.-Yeah, yeah.
How does... how do you get outof camping with the card?
I just can. I don't know.I don't know how I...
-Oh, is that how you do it?-I get so cold.
-I never peed outside.-Yeah, I don't-I don't know
-where to pee, I get so cold.-You're supposed to squat
-or something? -And I havemy period. It's all so hard.
-Yeah. It's a mess.-Come on.
It happens. It's, like,a fourth of our lives.
-It's fine.-Do you think the...
Uh... some peoplefeel like when you pick...
Like, some people feel like JohnMcCain was using the woman card
when he picked Palin.I thought he was just
-playing the crazy card. -Oh,yeah. -Mm-hmm. That's accurate.
-Um... -I think hethought using the woman card,
and he was like,"I've released the kraken!"
Like, "What? What have I done?!
"What? How do we put her...
-how do we put her backin the cage?" -Push it back in.
Is Ted Cruz playing the womancard by picking Carly Fiorina?
It doesn't matter what he does.He's not gonna win over women.
-His own daughter hates him,and she's, like, five. -Yeah.
You know? So...I mean, he already...
he's-he's already turned her offjust by living with her.
You know what I mean?It's like...
Now, you have a hilarious songcalled...
-Is it called "Pregnant Womenare Smug"? -Yes.
-So are you saying... -That is the woman card.
-are you saying pregnant womenplay the woman card? -Yeah.
-Okay, how do they do that?-They play
-the pregnant woman card.-Okay.
Because it's like...They just, like, get
a little, like, magicaland, like, a little precious.
And they're just like...I don't know.
Like, they get magnanimous,where they're like, "Oh,
I don't care if it's a boy orgirl as long as it's healthy."
And it's like of courseyou want it to be healthy.
No one asked you to pick.Like, health or a penis? Choose.
-Right.-It's like it's unrelated.
But they just use termslike that that make them feel
so good. And you're like,"Everyone on Earth
-feels that way."That's... Yeah. -Right.
But I don't know, 'cause if youasked a man health or a penis,
I think they'd pick penisevery time.
Um, but I feel like the pregnantthing is totally legit.
-Like, I think pregnant womenare... -Sure.
-I-I would do anything to helpa pregnant woman. -Yeah. Right.
-'Cause it's...Like on the subway. -Mm-hmm.
Like, I get tired... I'll becarrying, like, a water around.
I'm like, "My quads areburning," you know what I mean?
They're carrying, like...they're carrying human life
in their body. I'm like,"What can I do to help you?"
You know? It's like I feel verymuch like that card is-is...
I don't even knowif it's a card. It's just like,
-"Well, please be careful."-Right. -One time my period
was late and, uh,I was, uh, at a pharmacy
and I decided to parkin the pregnant women's spot,
just because I didn't know!And then the period came
the next day. I was fine.
There's a pregnant women's spot?
-Yeah. -What?-I had no idea that exists.
I didn't even know... Is it sameas being handicapped?
-Yeah. -You can park in the...Oh, okay.
-It's like a "baby on board"spot. -Oh. -Worst thing ever,
I remember, uh,when we had our first child,
and I was watchinga video of it once.
And, uh, my wife was getting outof the car with our son.
You know, and I'm like,"Oh, honey, yeah, we're going
to the car, we're goingto the car." And I'm like,
"Oh, (bleep).Why am I not carrying my son?"
I'm like, "Who's the... who'sthe asshole taking that video?"
-Oh, my God. -Well, wait,hold on, in your defense,
back then, video cameraswere, like, this big, you know?
Absolutely not. I shouldnot have been videoing that.
It was so horrible.What are you gonna do?
I should have playedthe woman card.
Well, the best partabout being pregnant is you...
no one can prove you wrong.If you're like,
"My ankles hurt. I can't stand,"you're not gonna be like,
"No, they don't. Yes, you can."Like, you're just like,
-"Okay. All right. Yeah."-"I'm just not showing yet.
-Trust me." -Yeah. Yeah."Okay. Sorry. Sorry." Yeah.
Okay. We'll be right back.
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