A Million Ways to Die in the U.S.

October 2, 2014 - Ben Steele 10/02/2014 Views: 486,316

Conservatives fear that Ebola and ISIS are putting Americans in danger, but the leading causes of death in the U.S. originate much closer to home. (6:54)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART. WE HAVEA VERY GOOD PROGRAM TONIGHT.

WE'VE WORKED ON IT. WE'RE VERY EXCITED.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, BENSTEELE. HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT

HIS DOCUMENTARY, "HUNTED: THEWAR AGAINST GAYS IN RUSSIA".

IT'S GOT FOOTAGE IN IT -- IT'S,IT'S YOU CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT.

YOU THINK ABOUT OUR FIELD PIECESSOMETIMES, YOU THINK

HOW DID YOU GET PEOPLE TO COMEON AND SAY THAT?

THIS THING?

HOLY (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER) BUT FIRST, IF YOU'VE

BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE NEWS LATELY, YOU MIGHT HAVE

HEARD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE.

>> EBOLA IN AMERICA.

>> THE VERY DEADLY ANDCONTAGIOUS VIRUS MAY HAVE

SPREAD.

>> THE GLOBAL FIGHT AGAINST ISIS.

>> WARNING OF ATTACKS IN THEU.S.

>> THEY INTEND TO KILL US.

>> CRISIS ON THE BORDER.

>> WHO'S COMING TO AMERICA.

>> WE HAVE A BORDER THAT IS SO POROUS EBOLA OR ISIS OR

EBOLA ON THE BACKS OF ISIS COULD COME THROUGH OUR BORDER.

>> Jon: EBOLA ON THE BACKS-- I'VE GOT TO SAY EBOLA ON THE

BACKS OF ISIS IT SHOULD SOUNDTERRIFYING, BUT I HAVE -- HOW

CUTE WOULD THAT BE, TO SEE ISISGIVING EBOLA A PIGGYBACK RIDE?

OH LOOK A LITTLE EBOLA.

SO AMERICA IS UNDER ATTACK FROM EBOLA AND MILITANTS AND

POROUS BORDERS.

AND WHILE THE NUMBER OF DEATHSOF THOSE THINGS CAN BE COUNTED

ON TWO SIMPSONS HANDS, WHAT AREWE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!

>> WE'RE GOING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE SURE THAT OUR

CITIZENS AND OUR HOMELAND IS PROTECTED.

>> IF OUR MILITARY COMMANDERSTELL THAT WE NEED

GROUND FORCES TO DEFIGHT ISIL, SO BE IT.

>> WHAT ABOUT A MERCENARY ARMY?

>> VIRTUAL FENCE. VIRTUALSURVEILLANCE.

>> A COMPLETE IMPENETRABLE BORDER.

>> A DOUBLE FENCE, A TRIPLEFENCE.

>> WHATEVER IT TAKES.

>> WHATEVER IT TAKES. ALLOPTIONS ON THE TABLE.

>> I WOULD ABSOLUTELY SAY, FORTHE NEXT FEW MONTHS NOBODY FROM

WEST AFRICA GETS INTO THE UNITEDSTATES. SORRY.

>> Jon: WOW.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE.

IN AFRICA U.S. TRAVEL POLICY 150 YEARS MAKES.

(LAUGHTER)YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO SAY, I WOULD

IMAGINE THAT AFRICANS WOULD HAVELOVED THAT PROPOSAL,

THEY WOULD HAVE LOVEDTHAT PROPOSAL 200 YEARS AGO.

BUT THE MESSAGE IS CLEAR, WHATEVER IT TAKES!

THE GOVERNMENT HAS AN OBLIGATION TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO

PROTECT AMERICAN LIVES.

>> HEART DISEASE.

IT IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH, KILLING 600,000

AMERICANS A YEAR.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: THAT'S LIKE MILWAUKEE

DISAPPEARING EVERY YEAR.

THAT'S LIKE IF YOU TOOK ALL THE AMERICANS KILLED BY ISIS

AND EBOLA, AND ADDED ALMOST600,000 TO IT.

SURELY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT,HAVING A SACRED OBLIGATION TO DO

WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SAVE AMERICAN LIVES,

SHOULD TAKE SOME ACTION TOPREVENT THIS HEART DISEASE.

>> GOVERNMENT SHOULDN'T BE TELLING US WHAT TO EAT.

>> THE FOOD POLICE.

>> HUNGRY HIGH SCHOOLERS AREALREADY FED UP.

>> THEY CLAIM THEY'RE BEING STARVED BY GOVERNMENT

MANDATES.

>> SCHOOLS FORCING KIDS TO GO MEATLESS ON MONDAYS.

>> DO YOU SAY THAT MEATLESSMONDAYS ARE BRAIN WASHING?

>> CLEARLY IT IS.

>> Jon: CLEARLY.

WE MUST DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SAVE AMERICAN LIVES.

ALTHOUGH, IF WE CANNOT EAT MEAT AT EVERY SCHOOL LUNCH, IS

THAT REALLY LIVING?

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT, FINE.

GOOD DIETARY HEALTH IS TYRANNY.

MAYBE WE CAN SAVE PEOPLEPOST INEVITABLE HEART DISEASE.

MAYBE WE COULD EXPAND MEDICAID.THAT WOULD PREVENT APPARENTLY

BETWEEN 7,000 AND 17,000AMERICAN DEATHS PER YEAR.

WHY DON'T WE DO THAT?

>> TO EXPAND THIS PROGRAM IS NOTUNLIKE ADDING A THOUSAND

PEOPLE TO THE TITANIC.

YOU'RE GOING TO FURTHER DRIVE THIS COUNTRY INTO DEBT.

>> THERE ARE 18 NEW TAXES EMBEDDED IN OBAMACARE AND

MEDICAID EXPANSIONS.

>> STATES ALREADY STRUGGLE TOPAY THE COST OF IT.

>> Jon: THE GOVERNMENT HAS A SACRED OBLIGATION TO SAVE

AMERICAN LIVES ABOVE THE POVERTY LINE!

(LAUGHTER)THIS DOESN'T GET A LOT OF

ATTENTION, BUT THERE'S THISOTHER THING.

AMERICA HAS A LOT OF GUN DEATHS.

>> GUN CONTROL LAWS DO NOT MAKE OUR COMMUNITY SAFER.

>> Jon: I KNOW.

I KNOW, IT'S JUSTTHAT 32,000 PEOPLE IN AMERICA

ANNUALLY, 88 A DAY -- THE

>> THE ISSUE IS NOT GUNS, IT'S CRIMINALS.

>> CRIMINALS WILL NEVER GOTHROUGH A BACKGROUND CHECK.

>> CRIMINALS DO CRIME, THEYDON'T PAY ATTENTION TO OUR

LAWS.

>> Jon: THE GOVERNMENT HAS A SACRED OBLIGATION TO DO

WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SAVE AMERICAN LIVES UNLESS IT'S

THROUGH A LAW THAT CRIMINALS WOULD BREAK.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> I HESITATE TO BRING THISUP.

I HESITATE, I HESITATE TO BRINGTHIS UP.

THEY SAY THAT FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE WOULD SAVE A LOT OF

AMERICAN --

>> THE COST OF THESE CLIMATECHANGE REGULATIONS ON

FAMILIES AND ON COMMUNITIES AREVERY REAL.

>> IT IS A JOB KILLER.

IT IS BASED ON QUESTIONABLESCIENCE.

>> IT'S NOT ENOUGH JUST TO SAYTHE DANGER IS GREAT,

THEREFORE WE ARE FREE TO DEMANDTHE NATION SPEND WHATEVER IS

NECESSARY.

>> Jon: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU(BLEEP) SUGGEST ALL THE TIME!

DID YOU NOT SEE THE WHATEVER ITTAKES MONTAGE FROM EARLIER?

IT'S EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE ISSAYING. ALL WE KEEP HEARING IS

WE MUST DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SAVE AMERICAN LIVES, UNLESS

IT'S STOPPING THE THINGS THAT IS ARE ACTUALLY KILLING

AMERICANS.

IT'S LIKE WHEN THE AIRLINE SAYS WE'LL DO WHATEVER IT

TAKES TO ENSURE YOU HAVE A COMFORTABLE FLIGHT, EXCEPT

FEED YOU OR CIRCULATE FRESH AIR,OR GIVE YOU ROOM TO MOVE OR

KEEP THE PASSENGER IN FRONT OFYOU FROM A DRUNKEN (BLEEP) ON

THE DRINK CART. ANYWAY, PLEASEENJOY YOUR COMPLIMENTARY

CRYING BABY. FOR SOME REASON,FOR SOME REASON

IN THIS COUNTRY WE'RE ONLY AFRAID OF BAD THINGS ENTERING

OUR COUNTRY, CROSSING OUR SACRED BORDERS.

WHEN OUR SHELVES ARE ALREADY SO STOCKED WITH BAD (BLEEP)

IT'S LIKE PEOPLE ARE SAYING WHEN I DIE, I WANT TO KNOW MY

PREVENTABLE DEATH HAS A LABEL ON IT THAT SAYS MADE IN

AMERICA.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(APPLAUSE)(APPLAUSE)