Yes! Thank you very much!Welcome to the show!
AUDIENCE (chanting):Larry! Larry! Larry!
-Thank you so much.-(chanting continues)
Please have a seat.
-Oh, thank you.-Larry! Larry!
-Good to be back!-Larry! Larry! Larry!
-Please! Please have a seat.-Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry
Thank you.Welcome to The Nightly Show.
I am Larry Wilmoreas they are saying.
After the exhausting drama
of the Republicanand Democratic conventions,
The Nightly Show went on breaklast week,
and so, it seems,did Donald Trump's goddamn mind.
I mean, the man packedso much crazy into one week
that our show tonightwill be four hours. Um...
Someone tell Hardwickwe're going long, baby!
So let's get started.
Time for the Unblackening.
All right there.That's a nice...
-The nice compact version ofthat is very nice. -(laughter)
So Trump started his weekby criticizing
the Muslim familyof a U.S. war hero.
He then doubled downon his insults.
And he then KFCdoubled down on his insults.
Seriously, guys, eating KFCWith a knife and fork is no way
to honora fallen American colonel.
-(laughter)-I said it.
I said it. I said it, okay?
(applause and cheering)
Yeah. Thank you.
And... and as if offensivecomments and petty tweets
about the Khan family
didn't show enough disrespectfor our military,
just lookwhat happened on Tuesday
when he got this fun new gadget.
During a rallyin Virginia yesterday,
Trump said that he was handeda Purple Heart
from a retired officerwho supported him.
I said, man, that's like...that's like big stuff.
I always wantedto get the Purple Heart.
This was much easier.
"This was much easier"?
Donald, a Purple Heart isthe highest honor bestowed
to those are who were wounded orkilled when serving our country.
It isn't some toy prize you getin a McDonald's happy meal.
Nor... nor is itthe literal purple heart
of beloved McDonald's characterGrimace.
Still, after stealingthis Purple Heart,
the GOP's Hamburglar went afterone of our nation's
most famousPurple Heart recipients.
You know, never beena big fan of John McCain,
and, uh, I just hate the wayour veterans have been treated
by John and other people.
He thinks "five and a half yearsa POW" John McCain...
is the person disrespectingveterans right now.
You know what?
-(woman whoops)-I've run out of words
to call this fool an idiotor to call this idiot a fool.
I... I can't...
You know, here you go.
To help me out, guys, we havea couple of U.S. veterans
on our staff herefor a new segment,
Veterans Who Workat The Nightly Show
Respond to Donald Trump'sDisrespect of the Military
Because Larry'sRun Out of Words--
Benari Poultenand Jonathan Ginter!
(applause, cheering, whooping)
Ah, very good.
(applause, cheering,whooping continue)
Uh, by the way, guys, thank youfor your service, by the way.
And I wonderif you can help me out.
Um, I've just run out of words.
-No problem, Larry. We got this.-(military drumbeat playing)
It is with honor that we bestowthis special commendation
upon Donald Trump.
(fifes and drums playing)
(cheering, whooping, applause)
Thanks, guys. Benari Poultenand Jonathan Ginter, everybody.
Of course,last week Donald Trump's grudge
against John McCainled him to hold his endorsement
for the Arizona senator,as well as Paul Ryan.
But after gettinga stern talking to
from RNC detention room monitorReince Priebus...
-(laughter)-(exhales) Trump came around.
our speaker of the house,
And while I'm at it...
I hold in the highest esteem...
Senator John McCain.
Honey, I... love you.
we will be together...
(laughter, applause, whooping)
I'll tell you guys,it's hard to tell
when he seems the most crazy--when he's reading from a script
or when he goes off of it,right?
Here he is, expertly displayinghis non-grasp of foreign policy
and geographywhen asked about Putin.
He's not going into Ukraine.Okay? Just so you understand.
He's not gonna go into Ukraine,all right?
You can mark it down,you can put it down, you can...
-Well, he's already there,isn't he? -Okay.
Well, he's there in a certainway, but I'm not there yet.
You're not there yet?Where is there,
a basic level of intelligenceand awareness of the world?
You don't... you don't needsecurity clearance
to know this (bleep).
You just need the newspaper,and not even a good one.
I don't know.
That's right. But you could.
You could stay at a Days Innand induce it from the pictures
in a USA Today. Come on! Come on!
All right, guys, so afteran historically awful week,
Donald Trump has droppedprecipitously in the polls,
and his media surrogateshave a lot to explain.
But they always manage to avoidactually explaining anything.
This is not what we should betalking about right now, Victor.
We should be talkingabout Hillary Clinton.
The issue is not Mr. Khanand, uh, Donald Trump.
The issue really is, uh,you know, radical jiham...
radical Islamic jihad...
Do you believethis election could be rigged?
I think what he's talking about
is the very unfair mediacoverage that Republicans get.
See how they did that?
-(laughter)-This is what happens
when you drinkthe Trump Kool-Aid-- it...
-(laughter)-No. It's true.
It's like ifyou're in the position
of having to defendJeffrey Dahmer, right?
It's, like, "Okay, did JeffreyDahmer eat those people?"
"You're asking meif it's fair to judge people
-"based on an eating disorder?-(laughter)
I don't think you want meto answer that."
In other words,Trump surrogates, your candidate
is a cannibal andshould not be in charge
of running the country,all right?
So, to help us unpack this isTrump's chief media strategist
and on-air communicationscoordinator, Stephanie Spencer.
(cheers and applause)
Okay, all right, so, Stephanie,
let me ask youa very direct question.
Why isn't Trump better informedon foreign policy?
If what you're asking me is whythe Clinton-Obama foreign policy
is so horrible,I think the American people
want an answer to that, as well.
Okay, no, no, no, no.
Okay, see, no, no, no.
See, you just did it.
See, that wasn'twhat I was asking.
You-you just changedthe question.
I'm not gonna let youget away with this.
Just answer thissimple question:
why isn't Trump better informedon foreign policy?
Just so we're on the same page,your question to me is...
crooked Hillary Clinton
answering questionsabout her e-mails?
I agree with Bernie Sanders.
We need to know moreabout her damn e-mails.
No, you didn't hear that right.
I think you just refuseto answer anything...
Well, you just asked,when will Donald Trump
win this electionin a historic landslide?
I didn't just ask that!
I never said tha...
that's not even closeto what I said!
I completely agree, Larry!
We're on the same page.
What happened in Benghaziwas a tragedy,
and Hillary Clinton stillhas not answered for it.
I never said that.
This is so frustrating.
Oh, no...let me try this.
Your candidate is suchan enormously undisciplined
(bleep) show, that you can'teven engage in simple, human,
back-and-forth communicationbecause to do so would probably
lead to you having to admitthat there is absolutely
no reason anyone should votefor Donald Trump.
I'm glad we're seeing eye to eyeon this, Larry.
Wait, you actually agreewith me?
Yes, just like you said,Donald Trump is the only
candidate in-in this race whowill make America great again!
-I never said that.-January!
Stephanie Spencer, everyone.
We'll be right back.
You can't answer a question!
What's wrong with you?