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The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Stephen Wins
Season 5 • 07/16/2009
If you had half as much fun watching the show as Stephen had doing it, then Stephen wins.
More
Watching
05:58
The Colbert Report
S5
Douglas Rushkoff
Douglas Rushkoff discusses the downfalls of operating the world like a corporation and how to weaken corporate influence.
07/15/2009
03:48
The Colbert Report
S5
Tip/Wag - Assassination Squads, Biblical History & Gay Penguins
The CIA shuts down its assassination program, Texas wants Christianity taught in history, and two male penguins end their relationship.
07/15/2009
03:30
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen Wants to Be the Worst Person in the World
Stephen tries to make it onto Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the World" list by slapping a baby with a puppy.
07/15/2009
00:23
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 7/15/09
There's bad news for people with target-shaped birthmarks, and Douglas Rushkoff lets Jews and Freemasons off the hook.
07/15/2009
00:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - No Man Is a Failure
No man is a failure who has friends, unless his friends are failures.
07/15/2009
05:16
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - Neutral Man's Burden
Sonia Sotomayor's personal background should be neutralized the way Band-Aids were when they reached out to minorities.
07/16/2009
00:34
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 7/16/09
Stephen is emotionally dead inside, and Ed Andrews should write about teen vampires if he wants to get out of debt.
07/16/2009
03:14
The Colbert Report
S5
The Memy Awards
Stephen announces the nominees for the Memy Awards' one and only category: Outstanding Individual.
07/16/2009
04:45
The Colbert Report
S5
Edmund Andrews
Edmund Andrews explains how he fell victim to the mortgage crisis as a New York Times economics reporter.
07/16/2009
05:28
The Colbert Report
S5
Cheating Death - Diabetes Dogs, Chocolate Milk & Swearing in Pain
Dogs help fight diabetes, chocolate milk replaces sports drinks, and swearing after an injury alleviates pain.
07/16/2009
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Stephen Wins
If you've had half as much fun watching the show as Stephen has had doing it, then he's had twice as much fun.
07/16/2009
02:27
The Colbert Report
S5
Walter Cronkite Remembered
Walter Cronkite's passing doesn't get the kind of cable news attention Stephen believes it deserves.
07/20/2009
00:04
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Goodnight
That's it for The Report.
07/20/2009
05:20
The Colbert Report
S5
Sport Report - Jessica Simpson, Olympic Brothel & Bud Light
Tony Romo breaks up with Jessica Simpson, an Olympic hopeful opens a brothel, and Stephen loves the taste of Bud Light.
07/20/2009
03:57
The Colbert Report
S5
Reverse Racism - Geoffrey Canada
Geoffrey Canada can't find any area where white men are being disproportionately victimized.
07/20/2009
05:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Bob Park
Bob Park doesn't understand why humans need go to space when robots can do a better job.
07/20/2009
02:58
The Colbert Report
S5
Reverse Racism
As a recent black man, Stephen looks forward to hearing President Obama's NAACP speech.
07/20/2009
03:31
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - A Perfect World
Investigating prisoner abuse will be a political food fight, and that is messier than torture.
07/21/2009
06:44
The Colbert Report
S5
Better Know a Lobby - Acorn
Acorn's chief community organizer, Bertha Lewis, needs to know the number of Stephen's sexual partners for her census form.
07/21/2009
00:16
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Stephen's Chip
The opinions expressed tonight are exclusively Stephen's -- the chip in his head only makes suggestions.
07/21/2009
06:16
The Colbert Report
S5
Aaron Carroll
Aaron Carroll believes the single-payer system will cost less, cover everyone and lead to better outcomes.
07/21/2009
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