The Colbert Report
The Word - Grand Old Purity
Season 5 • 12/09/2009
The GOP purity test alone won't be able to weed out moderate Republicans.
Andy SchlaflyThe Colbert ReportS5
Andy Schlafly invites the best of the public to translate the Bible on Conservapedia.
Intro - 12/8/09The Colbert ReportS5
Ben Bernanke may lose his job, and Andy Schlafly creates a conservative version of Wikipedia.
Fed's DeadThe Colbert ReportS5
People like Bernie Sanders want to pull down the Federal Reserve's pantaloons to look at its fiscal naughty parts.
How Far Good Parents Will GoThe Colbert ReportS5
It's sad when only six percent of parents would knock someone over to grab the last toy for their kids.
Sign Off - Goodnight With KrampusThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen says goodnight as Krampus shakes his rusty chains.
Matt TaibbiThe Colbert ReportS5
Matt Taibbi discusses Goldman Sachs' unprecedented access and influence on the government.
The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Hallmark & KrampusThe Colbert ReportS5
Hallmark encourages people to buy greeting cards instead of presents, and the Christmas Krampus visits Stephen.
Intro - 12/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
The GOP can't decide whether it's white or translucent, and Matt Taibbi says Goldman Sachs controls the government.
Monkey ThreatDown - Holes & Banana Too HighThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen appeals to the prized monkey demographic by presenting a Monkey ThreatDown.
The Word - Grand Old PurityThe Colbert ReportS5
The GOP must put moderate Republicans in situations that reveal their true beliefs, like in the movie "Saw."
Skate Expectations - Bobsled Team TryoutsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants to be part of the U.S. bobsledding team, which is comprised of one driver, one brakeman and two human airbags.
Lara LoganThe Colbert ReportS5
Lara Logan weighs in on Obama's complex plan in Afghanistan and explains why Osama bin Laden hasn't been captured.
Skate Expectations - Bobsled Team Tryouts - Team Night TrainThe Colbert ReportS5
The members of Team Night Train teach Stephen how to push and ride his way to glory.
Obama's Nobel Prize Speech & AfghandylandThe Colbert ReportS5
President Obama accepts his Nobel Peace Prize at a pancake breakfast, and Stephen plays the home version of the Afghan war.
Snoop DoggThe Colbert ReportS5
Snoop Dogg works on his acting skills by reading a soap opera script with Stephen.
Stephen Challenges Shani Davis - Katherine ReutterThe Colbert ReportS5
Katherine Reutter wants Stephen to autograph her thigh so she can skate faster.
Stephen Challenges Shani DavisThe Colbert ReportS5
If Shani Davis beats Stephen in a speedskating race, he'll get an autographed copy of his Sports Illustrated cover.
Intro - 12/14/09The Colbert ReportS5
Obama deserves the Nobel Prize as much as the guy who invented dynamite, and Snoop Dogg brings Stephen some frankincense.
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