The Colbert Report
Intro - 2/3/09
Season 5 • 02/03/2009
Republicans choose a new leader with the same old ideas.
The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay ActThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen will now have to discriminate under the table, which will be difficult, since that's where he usually does his harassing.
Nailed 'Em - Amtrak PhotographerThe Colbert ReportS5
Amtrak police arrest a man because he's taking pictures for their photography contest.
It Could Be Worse - IcelandThe Colbert ReportS5
Iceland is a frigid rock in the middle of nowhere that has gone bankrupt and gone gay.
Intro - 2/2/09The Colbert ReportS5
The government collapses in Iceland, or as it will soon be known thanks to global warming, Landland.
Dan ZaccagninoThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is angry with Dan Zaccagnino for allowing Indaba Music users to remix his interview.
Henry Louis Gates, Jr.The Colbert ReportS5
Henry Louis Gates, Jr. says Abraham Lincoln was always against slavery, but he wasn't a fan of black people.
All the Show We Have Time ForThe Colbert ReportS5
Fortunately, it's also all the time we have show for.
Colbert Platinum - Ass-Covering EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
If you really want to convince people you're dead, you need to actually die.
Tom Daschle Steps DownThe Colbert ReportS5
If this were the Bush administration, Tom Daschle would have never stepped down -- not without a medal of freedom.
The Word - Army of OneThe Colbert ReportS5
If Republicans do what Rush Limbaugh says, they'll get the only vote that matters: his.
Intro - 2/3/09The Colbert ReportS5
Republicans choose a new leader. Don't worry -- they're the same old ideas.
Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - The Newberry AwardsThe Colbert ReportS5
Al Gore has already won an Oscar, an Emmy, a Nobel Prize and the 2000 presidential election -- he doesn't need a Grammy.
Intro - 2/4/09The Colbert ReportS5
Pope Benedict reinstates a Holocaust-denying bishop. Frankly, Stephen is skeptical of the evidence that he actually reinstated him.
Tell Your FriendsThe Colbert ReportS5
If you didn't like what you saw, Stephen will tell your enemies.
Stephen Verbally Thrashes Steve MartinThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen explodes after Steve Martin walks through his eyeline.
Yahweh or No Way - The Super BowlThe Colbert ReportS5
God helping both teams in a football game would be as impossible as loving both Christians and Muslims.
Keep Your Friends CloseThe Colbert ReportS5
You can keep your enemies closer by hating yourself.
Intro - 2/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
What's in the stimulus package? Stephen's guessing high-fructose corn syrup because that stuff is in everything.
Stelephant Colbert the Elephant SealThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen has a hideous elephant seal named after him.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Boy Scouts of AmericaThe Colbert ReportS5
The Boy Scouts of America proudly raise the Scout sign and tell their own conservation code to read between the lines.
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