The Colbert Report

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Season 1 • 11/09/2005

Let's put the sports agents on the White House podium.

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00:08

Fract - Franagram: American Patriot
The Colbert ReportS1

"American Patriot" anagrams to "I am an erotic part."
11/08/2005
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01:48

Wilford Brimley Calls - Cocoon
The Colbert ReportS1

Wilford Brimley doesn't understand why Stephen isn't using the cocoon he sent as a set decoration.
11/08/2005
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01:13

America Doesn't Torture
The Colbert ReportS1

The president says that America doesn't do anything illegal. Torture is illegal. Ergo -- and that's Latin for "bite me" -- we do not torture.
11/08/2005
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00:31

Intro - 11/8/05
The Colbert ReportS1

On the agenda: Terrell Owens, torture, Christmas tradition and Court TV's Catherine Crier.
11/08/2005
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07:20

Catherine Crier
The Colbert ReportS1

To get into the news business, Catherine Crier said, "Boys, I've got a camera in the living room. You wanna come over and make a tape?"
11/08/2005
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00:27

Intro - 11/9/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Arnold Schwarzenegger's propositions are turned down at the ballot box, and Stephen looks forward to talking with author Mary Roach.
11/09/2005
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05:50

Mary Roach
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen and author Mary Roach contact a spirit from the past in the studio.
11/09/2005
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05:14

Better Know a District - Florida's 7th - John Mica
The Colbert ReportS1

Congressman John Mica stands for his district with the tenacity of an alligator that shows up in your garage after a hurricane.
11/09/2005
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03:47

The Word - Willy Loman
The Colbert ReportS1

Mr. Schwarzenegger, get back to what you do best: jamming Arnold into people's holes.
11/09/2005
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02:18

All You Need to Know - Kansas Education
The Colbert ReportS1

The Kansas Board of Education approves the teaching of intelligent design in the classroom.
11/09/2005
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02:18

Next Question
The Colbert ReportS1

At the recent White House press briefings it looks like Scott McClellan is about to crap his pants or burst into tears.
11/09/2005
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05:43

Cokie Roberts
The Colbert ReportS1

Cokie Roberts recalls an old Washington, where people could disagree without being disagreeable.
11/10/2005
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00:34

Intro - 11/10/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Congress hard at work, the re-branding of Veteran's Day and Cokie Roberts -- all on tonight's show.
11/10/2005
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03:30

The DaColbert Code - Samuel Alito
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen uses The DaColbert Code to pierce the veil of secrecy and solve modern-day mysteries.
11/10/2005
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02:56

The In-Box - Asian Stereotypes
The Colbert ReportS1

In an attempt to apologize for accidentally perpetuating an Asian stereotype, Stephen shares some of The Report's airtime with its sister station in Osaka.
11/10/2005
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04:03

The Word - Armistice
The Colbert ReportS1

President Bush is saving Veterans Day by creating thousands of new veterans.
11/10/2005
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02:58

Swear to God
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen believes that big oil company CEOs should have sworn in before testifying to Congress.
11/10/2005
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05:59

Bob Kerrey
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen pitches former Senator Bob Kerrey his plan for training the Iraqi army.
11/14/2005
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01:24

Internets Anniversary
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen buys himself an Internet anniversary present from eBay.
11/14/2005
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02:03

The Word - Testosterone
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen thinks women are weaker than men for being incapable of completely abandoning their humanity.
11/14/2005
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05:09

CMA Buzz
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen is giddy with anticipation for the Country music Awards -- not to be confused with the CMT Flame Worthy Awards or the ACM awards.
11/14/2005
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