The Colbert Report

Intro - 9/30/09

Season 5 • 09/30/2009

Stephen hopes environmentalists want us to give up icebergs because that'll be easy.

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00:29

Intro - 9/29/09
The Colbert ReportS5

An exciting new tobacco product hits the market, and Matt Latimer recalls his Bush speechwriting days.
09/29/2009
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00:16

Sign Off - Richard Dawkins Will Be Here Tomorrow
The Colbert ReportS5

Noted atheist writer Richard Dawkins will be on tomorrow night.
09/29/2009
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01:53

Spider-Pope
The Colbert ReportS5

If the spider crawling on Pope Benedict XVI's face has bitten him, we might soon have a Spider-Pope.
09/29/2009
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06:30

Cheating Death - Snus & Placebo Effect
The Colbert ReportS5

Camel develops a new way to deliver smooth carcinogens without lighting up, and placebos become more effective.
09/29/2009
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05:21

Matt Latimer
The Colbert ReportS5

Matt Latimer, a former speechwriter for the Bush administration, remembers the words he used most when writing for the president.
09/29/2009
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00:05

Sign Off - Goodnight, Grammy
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight to his grammy.
09/30/2009
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02:41

Send Your Medical Bills to Max Baucus
The Colbert ReportS5

Senator Max Baucus will pay for your medical bills from the $3.2 million he's received from the health care industry.
09/30/2009
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03:39

A Pace Odyssey
The Colbert ReportS5

NASA begins assembling Stephen's treadmill so America's famously fat astronauts can get trim in space.
09/30/2009
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05:42

Richard Dawkins
The Colbert ReportS5

After offering evidence for evolution, Richard Dawkins wants to see the evidence for God.
09/30/2009
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07:14

ThreatDown - Environmentalists, Kang Lee & Mountain Pine Beetles
The Colbert ReportS5

Environmentalists target soft toilet paper, Kang Lee exposes the lies parents tell kids, and mountain pine beetles prevent us from shooting bears.
09/30/2009
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00:29

Intro - 9/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen has an update on his space treadmill, and he'll evolve Richard Dawkins' book into tiny shreds of paper.
09/30/2009
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04:11

Francis Collins
The Colbert ReportS5

Francis Collins informs Stephen that it's going to take time for stem cell research to give him crab claws.
10/01/2009
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05:09

Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 1
The Colbert ReportS5

Competitive eater Brad Sciullo wants to prove anything is possible by finishing a 15-pound hamburger called "The Belly Buster."
10/01/2009
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02:03

Najibullah Zazi Threatens Beauty Supplies
The Colbert ReportS5

Suspected terrorist Najibullah Zazi threatens America's unregulated use of beauty supplies.
10/01/2009
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00:25

Sign Off - New Slang
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen introduces some new slang into the teen lexicon.
10/01/2009
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08:03

2016 Olympics in Chicago - George Wendt
The Colbert ReportS5

George Wendt and Stephen trash talk Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Tokyo for competing against Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid.
10/01/2009
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06:30

Arne Duncan
The Colbert ReportS5

Secretary of Education Arne Duncan wants longer school hours so American students can compete with the rest of the world.
10/05/2009
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04:42

Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 2
The Colbert ReportS5

Brad Sciullo's training regime of drinking, vomiting and trout prepares him to conquer "The Belly Buster."
10/05/2009
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00:03

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report.
10/05/2009
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01:25

Americans for Prosperity Cheer Chicago's Failure
The Colbert ReportS5

The conservative group, Americans for Prosperity, cheers when they hear the news of Chicago's failure to host the 2016 Olympics.
10/05/2009
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00:34

Intro - 10/5/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama proposes a longer school year, and Arne Duncan could only get a job as a secretary.
10/05/2009
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