The Colbert Report
Stelephant Colbert the Elephant Seal
Season 5 • 02/05/2009
Some hideous monster ate Stephen's elephant seal.
Intro - 2/4/09The Colbert ReportS5
Pope Benedict reinstates a Holocaust-denying bishop. Frankly, Stephen is skeptical of the evidence that he actually reinstated him.
Tell Your FriendsThe Colbert ReportS5
If you didn't like what you saw, Stephen will tell your enemies.
Stephen Verbally Thrashes Steve MartinThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen explodes after Steve Martin walks through his eyeline.
Yahweh or No Way - The Super BowlThe Colbert ReportS5
God helping both teams in a football game would be as impossible as loving both Christians and Muslims.
Keep Your Friends CloseThe Colbert ReportS5
You can keep your enemies closer by hating yourself.
Intro - 2/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
What's in the stimulus package? Stephen's guessing high-fructose corn syrup because that stuff is in everything.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Boy Scouts of AmericaThe Colbert ReportS5
The Boy Scouts of America proudly raise the Scout sign and tell their own conservation code to read between the lines.
Jonah LehrerThe Colbert ReportS5
Jonah Lehrer talks about finding a balance between the rational and the emotional in decision-making.
Economic Stimulus Bill - James SurowieckiThe Colbert ReportS5
James Surowiecki says the Democrats are using the financial crisis to push through programs that are in the long-term interest of Americans.
Economic Stimulus DebateThe Colbert ReportS5
Democrats take a page from the Republicans' fear book when selling the economic stimulus bill.
Stelephant Colbert the Elephant SealThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen has a hideous elephant seal named after him.
Intro - 2/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
A married lesbian couple files for divorce and moves into separate Subaru Outbacks, and someone won a Grammy.
The New Word CzarThe Colbert ReportS5
Michael Steele navigates the subtleties of our language as he talks about the stimulus bill.
Al Gore Steals Stephen's GrammyThe Colbert ReportS5
Since Stephen's voice isn't worth a Grammy, he's going to stop talking forever.
ThreatDown - Gay DivorceThe Colbert ReportS5
A lesbian couple files for divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable sameness, and the Japanese poop gold.
Shout Out - Honey, Counterterrorism & an Old Guard FlagThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen gets a fresh stash of pharmaceutical-grade hive jive and learns of a Counterterrorism Calendar.
The Visa Black CardThe Colbert ReportS5
Visa: it's everywhere you want to be, unless that place is a Jimmy Buffett concert.
The Word - Loyal OppositionThe Colbert ReportS5
The best way for Republicans to win back the trust of the people is to copy the strategy of our enemies.
You Look Like StephenThe Colbert ReportS5
You look like Stephen, if he were on a curvy, glassy thing.
Intro - 2/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
Tough times for the Republican Party -- this sounds like a job for tax cuts.
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