The Colbert Report
Intro - 7/30/09
Season 5 • 07/30/2009
Stephen's roommate, Frank, sits at Stephen's desk for the intro.
Sport Report - Tour de France & Robotic BaseballThe Colbert ReportS5
A person who isn't Lance Armstrong wins the Tour de France, and Japanese robots make baseball interesting.
Sign Off - Watch Without BlinkingThe Colbert ReportS5
If you watch this episode again without blinking, you get three percent more programming.
Frank the RoommateThe Colbert ReportS5
After Viacom's profits fall by 32%, Stephen cuts his costs by taking on a roommate.
Kevin BakerThe Colbert ReportS5
Kevin Baker believes President Obama sees what needs to be done but is too reluctant to break with Congress.
The Word - He Who Smelt It, Dealt ItThe Colbert ReportS5
Racism is nothing more than an unpleasant nuisance that is best to ignore, like a fart.
White House Beer SummitThe Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama, Henry Louis Gates Jr. and James Crowley insist on three different brands of foreign beer for their White House meeting.
Kathryn BigelowThe Colbert ReportS5
Kathryn Bigelow's war movie, "The Hurt Locker," is getting great reviews, despite not having explosions and ear-splitting sound effects.
Tip/Wag - Man-Words & Movits!The Colbert ReportS5
Educators ban man-words from textbooks, and Stephen discovers America's newest pop sensation, Movits!
Sign Off - Taco Bell SpokesdogThe Colbert ReportS5
Taco Bell's beloved spokesdog, Gidget, is on a farm upstate, playing with other dogs that are dead.
MeTunes - Hit of the SummerThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen can't get behind current hits from The Black Eyed Peas, Jeremih and Sean Kingston, so he creates his own song of the summer.
Intro - 7/30/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen can't start the show because his roommate, Frank, is sitting at his desk.
Tony ZinniThe Colbert ReportS5
General Tony Zinni cites David Petraeus, Barack Obama and Richard Branson as examples of great leaders.
Bears & Balls - How to Pay for Health CareThe Colbert ReportS5
Democrats want to pay for health care reform by taxing sodas and killing old people.
Nailed 'Em - War on Birth ControlThe Colbert ReportS5
The Fairfax County School Board nails a teen junkie for taking birth control in the cafeteria.
Dominic Philip's Book HabitThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen cures Dominic Philip's reading habit by sending him an entire box of books and forcing him to read every last one of them.
Intro - 8/3/09The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama finds a way to pay for health care, and General Anthony Zinni will wax Stephen's chest.
The Word - Hippie ReplacementThe Colbert ReportS5
Soon America's grassroots people-power movements will be rid of the one thing that's holding them back: people.
Kurt AndersenThe Colbert ReportS5
According to Kurt Andersen, the economic and health crises give Americans a brief chance to get things where they want them.
Sign Off - Love Makes the World Go RoundThe Colbert ReportS5
Love makes the world go round, so stop hogging all the credit, physics.
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