The Colbert Report
Intro - 8/1/07
Season 3 • 08/01/2007
Stephen highly recommends honorary degrees.
The Colbert ReportS3 Rupert Murdoch Purchases The Wall Street Journal
Stephen wonders if Rupert Murdoch has instead taken over Reuters, who were first to report the story.
The Colbert ReportS3 Wrist Violence Epidemic
Stephen continues to attack films that show wrist violence and calls on Hollywood to stop showing such acts.
The Colbert ReportS3 Smokin' Pole - Arc! Who Goes There?
Now is the time for America to deploy its undersea army of hermit crabs to fight back Russia from claiming the North Pole.
The Colbert ReportS3 Kathleen Kennedy Townsend
Kathleen Kennedy Townsend explains how the Christian Right has shrunk God and made America not care about the common good.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 7/31/07
In this episode, Russia lays claim to the North Pole, Democrats accuse Alberto Gonzales of perjury and guest Kathleen Kennedy Townsend talks about what happens when you mix politics and religion.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - College Credit
Stephen is all in favor of a new system of charging higher tuition for certain college majors and has some additional ideas of his own.
The Colbert ReportS3 When Animals Attack Our Morals - Hollywood Pigeons
Stephen recommends that Hollywood stop putting their pigeons on the pill and start teaching an abstinence-only curriculum.
The Colbert ReportS3 Dr. Jerry Vizzone
The master of the metacarpals, Dr. Jerry Vizzone, joins Stephen to talk about wrist violence.
The Colbert ReportS3 Michael Beschloss
Michael Beschloss explains why historians don't immediately judge history as soon as it happens.
The Colbert ReportS3 30-Minute Anniversary
Stephen wishes the Nation a happy 30-minute anniversary, but wonders where his present is.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 8/1/07
Stephen thinks an infestation of pigeons is Michael Bay's latest summer blockbuster.
The Colbert ReportS3 Michael Behe
The father of intelligent design, Michael Behe, joins Stephen to explain his role as the Albert Einstein of Charles Darwin.
The Colbert ReportS3 ThighMasters for the Troops
Stephen is appalled that the defense department would undermine our troops' self-confidence by sending them ThighMasters.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 8/2/07
Stephen warns his monkey viewers that the father of intelligent design will be joining him on the show.
The Colbert ReportS3 Rick MacArthur
Rick MacArthur explains how NAFTA should be renamed the North American Cheap Labor Agreement.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sport Report - Barry Smash
Stephen gives Alex Rodriguez some advice from his Little League days to help him hit his 500th home run.
The Colbert ReportS3 Superhighway
Mitt Romney feels the idea of a NAFTA superhighway cutting through the U.S. is just an urban legend that he is strongly against.
The Colbert ReportS3 Better Know a Protectorate - American Samoa - Eni Faleomavaega
Stephen finds out that the Representative from American Samoa is against the nuclear bombing of Pacific islands.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Colbert Commonsensicals
Stephen wants his Colbert Commonsensical to be put on a poster with a snowy white mountain or something.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - The Dark Side
In order to win the war on terror, we need to use tactics that we should not even be able to conceive.
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