The Colbert Report

Intro - 10/27/09

Season 5 • 10/27/2009

The Catholic Church reaches out to former members -- they're close to getting Sinead O'Connor back.

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05:26

Cornel West
The Colbert ReportS5

Cornel West criticizes Barack Obama out of concern for the poor and working class people.
10/26/2009
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05:48

The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell
The Colbert ReportS5

The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
10/26/2009
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05:21

Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Get a Job
The Colbert ReportS5

Once you get a job interview with Stephen's celebrity endorsement, you'll want to grow a mustache.
10/26/2009
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03:13

George Will's Long Tie
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen has to restore balance to the universe after George Will starts wearing long ties.
10/26/2009
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00:15

Sign Off - Don't Move
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him.
10/26/2009
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04:05

Colbert Platinum - Harvard Billionaires & Red Diamond SUV
The Colbert ReportS5

Harvard produces the most billionaires, and a Russian car company releases a diamond-encrusted SUV with whale penis leather interior.
10/27/2009
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00:27

Sign Off - Goodnight?
The Colbert ReportS5

Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
10/27/2009
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04:57

Gail Collins
The Colbert ReportS5

Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
10/27/2009
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01:44

George W. Bush's Motivational Speech
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
10/27/2009
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07:28

Holy Water Under the Bridge - Randall Balmer
The Colbert ReportS5

Randall Balmer refuses to join the Catholic Church because he's suspicious of any religious group that defines itself in negative terms.
10/27/2009
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00:33

Intro - 10/27/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
10/27/2009
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00:31

Intro - 10/28/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen finds out what broke the largest particle accelerator and preps for his interview with Brian Cox by watching "Baby Einstein" tapes.
10/28/2009
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05:48

The Word - You-Genics
The Colbert ReportS5

Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
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01:31

Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
The Colbert ReportS5

Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
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01:44

Sign Off - Future Stephen
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
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06:05

Brian Cox
The Colbert ReportS5

Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
10/28/2009
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04:12

Big Bang Theory
The Colbert ReportS5

Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
10/28/2009
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01:52

USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The Colbert ReportS5

The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
10/29/2009
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00:14

Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
The Colbert ReportS5

Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
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05:13

Bill Simmons
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
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00:30

Intro - 10/29/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
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