The Colbert Report

Gonzales Forgot

Season 3 • 04/23/2007

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales took Stephen's advice and forgot everything.

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00:33

Hyperbole-Off
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen may have lost the Meta-Free-Phor-All to Sean Penn, but he will not lose his upcoming Hyperbole-Off to George Clooney.
04/19/2007
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02:34

God's Pet Chimp
The Colbert ReportS3

Human DNA has stopped evolving because God got us right the first time when he intelligently designed us.
04/19/2007
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08:27

Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee to a Summer's Day?
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen has a metaphor for Sean Penn: Sean Penn is a big mean jerk, and Stephen hates him.
04/19/2007
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02:59

The Word - $400 Haircut
The Colbert ReportS3

Sure, John Edwards grew up poor, but if he really cared about the poor, he would have stayed poor.
04/19/2007
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02:08

Stephanie's Winning!
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen's adopted turtle, Stephanie Colbertle, is leading the Great Turtle Race, while two other lady turtles hang back at the nesting grounds, listening to Melissa Etheridge.
04/23/2007
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04:51

ThreatDown - MySpace
The Colbert ReportS3

It's bad enough that MySpace exposes our teens to child predators, now they're corrupting our youth with journalism.
04/23/2007
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00:30

Intro - 4/23/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Conservatives want a fresh new face, Sheryl Crow confronts Karl Rove and Def Jam's Russell Simmons sits down with Stephen.
04/23/2007
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04:58

Mike Huckabee - Running Mate Bid
The Colbert ReportS3

Mike Huckabee and Stephen talk about plastic fruit and rowing in paddleboats in Central Park.
04/23/2007
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00:11

Colbert Nation Online Discussion Group
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen speaks to those interested in joining a Colbert Nation discussion group.
04/23/2007
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05:45

Russell Simmons
The Colbert ReportS3

Russell Simmons talks about Oprah, diamonds and the secret to success.
04/23/2007
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00:42

Gonzales Forgot
The Colbert ReportS3

Alberto Gonzales said 71 times that he couldn't remember details on the U.S. attorney firings, but he only remembers saying it once.
04/23/2007
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03:22

D.C. Voting Rights - Eleanor Holmes Norton
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Eleanor Holmes Norton that this is the United States of America, not the United Districts of Columbia of America.
04/24/2007
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03:18

The Word - Act Globally
The Colbert ReportS3

According to the head of the EPA, George W. Bush is making major progress -- there is a 4/10ths of one percent reduction in the increase of greenhouse gasses.
04/24/2007
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02:48

60% Good News
The Colbert ReportS3

When Stephen watches "Fox & Friends," he feels like he's watching a Disney movie about the news.
04/24/2007
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06:32

Dr. Andrew Weil
The Colbert ReportS3

Dr. Andrew Weil tells Stephen that it's possible to channel his rage in a useful way and that he finds Dr. House to be too cynical.
04/24/2007
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00:55

Bye-Bye to Boris
The Colbert ReportS3

Russia's first democratically elected President, Boris Yeltsin, has passed away and the New York Post has paid tribute with their usual class and sensitivity.
04/24/2007
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01:12

Sign Off - Captain Lead
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen reminisces about his favorite childhood toys: Captain Lead, General Light Socket, Admiral Dry Cleaning Bag, Lieutenant Fluffy -- and his wad of asbestos.
04/24/2007
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00:32

Intro - 4/24/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen discusses President Bush's fight against global warming and the two seats being considered for Congress, and sits down with new age medical guru Dr. Andrew Weil.
04/24/2007
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01:35

Alpha Dog of the Week - Uncle Ben
The Colbert ReportS3

After 61 years, Uncle Ben is now not only spokesman of his products but CEO of the company.
04/24/2007
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01:18

New Issue of GQ
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen expects the new issue of GQ with him on the cover to be the most popular issue they've ever had.
04/25/2007
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04:52

Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse - Prayer
The Colbert ReportS3

People don't develop special powers, they pray for them. The only reason Superman can fly is because Jesus is carrying him.
04/25/2007
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