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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Used Karzai
Season 5 • 11/02/2009
Friend of America Hamid Karzai is declared president of Afghanistan.
More
Watching
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
05:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
00:30
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/29/09
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
06:37
The Colbert Report
S5
We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash
Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
10/29/2009
05:12
The Colbert Report
S5
ThreatDown - Halloween Edition
Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
10/29/2009
00:23
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/2/09
Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
11/02/2009
03:20
The Colbert Report
S5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
11/02/2009
05:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Nicholas Thompson
Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
11/02/2009
07:34
The Colbert Report
S5
Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic Speedskating
An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/02/2009
00:21
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating Team
Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
11/02/2009
01:43
The Colbert Report
S5
Used Karzai
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
11/02/2009
02:00
The Colbert Report
S5
Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert Nation
Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/03/2009
00:18
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - They Call Me Mister Fry
If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
11/03/2009
07:20
The Colbert Report
S5
Andrew Sullivan
Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
11/03/2009
05:38
The Colbert Report
S5
Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church Trespassing
The Mormon Church arrested Derek Jones and Matt Aune for criminal trespassing, not for being gay.
11/03/2009
04:31
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - The Green Mile
The rest of America should follow Arizona's lead and replace the long arm of the law with the invisible hand of the market.
11/03/2009
00:33
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/3/09
Stephen thinks it's racist that there's no Pepper Lake City, and Andrew Sullivan talks about Obama's accomplishments.
11/03/2009
00:34
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/5/09
Canadian athletes dope with beaver musk to gain an unfair advantage at the Winter Games, and William Bratton runs from the law.
11/04/2009
00:27
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/4/09
Stephen takes a wait-and-swim approach to global warming and talks to Harold Evans about the newspaper business.
11/04/2009
05:00
The Colbert Report
S5
Formidable Opponent - Global Warming With Al Gore
Al Gore explains to Stephen and Stephen and Al Gore that stopping global warming doesn't have to hurt the economy.
11/04/2009
06:39
The Colbert Report
S5
Harold Evans
Harold Evans talks about being married to Tina Brown, getting knighted by the queen and exposing spies in the British government.
11/04/2009
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12/20/2021
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A Clüsterfünke Christmas Is TV's Holiday-est Movie
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12/17/2021
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Every Episode of Seinfeld Is Now on Comedy Central
Every moment, every character and every yada, yada, yada of Seinfeld is now on Comedy Central.
11/10/2021