The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 11/02/2009
Friend of America Hamid Karzai is declared president of Afghanistan.
Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne CashThe Colbert ReportS5
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
Bill SimmonsThe Colbert ReportS5
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
Intro - 10/29/09The Colbert ReportS5
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
We Got the Beating - Rosanne CashThe Colbert ReportS5
Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
ThreatDown - Halloween EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
Intro - 11/2/09The Colbert ReportS5
Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold SchwarzeneggerThe Colbert ReportS5
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
Nicholas ThompsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic SpeedskatingThe Colbert ReportS5
An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating TeamThe Colbert ReportS5
Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
Used KarzaiThe Colbert ReportS5
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert NationThe Colbert ReportS5
Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
Sign Off - They Call Me Mister FryThe Colbert ReportS5
If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
Andrew SullivanThe Colbert ReportS5
Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church TrespassingThe Colbert ReportS5
The Mormon Church arrested Derek Jones and Matt Aune for criminal trespassing, not for being gay.
The Word - The Green MileThe Colbert ReportS5
The rest of America should follow Arizona's lead and replace the long arm of the law with the invisible hand of the market.
Intro - 11/3/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen thinks it's racist that there's no Pepper Lake City, and Andrew Sullivan talks about Obama's accomplishments.
Intro - 11/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
Canadian athletes dope with beaver musk to gain an unfair advantage at the Winter Games, and William Bratton runs from the law.
Intro - 11/4/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen takes a wait-and-swim approach to global warming and talks to Harold Evans about the newspaper business.
Formidable Opponent - Global Warming With Al GoreThe Colbert ReportS5
Al Gore explains to Stephen and Stephen and Al Gore that stopping global warming doesn't have to hurt the economy.
You may also like5 Videos
Make the Most of a Day Off with "South Park: Snow Day!"South ParkS26
Join Cartman and the neighborhood kids as they battle Stan, who has his own ideas about the rules of their fantasy game, in the "South Park: Snow Day!" video game, now available to preorder.
"Star Trek: very Short Treks" Has Lightyears of LaughsStar Trek: very Short TreksS1
Relive the classic vibe of "Star Trek: The Animated Series," and join Riker, Spock and more Starfleet faces on the bite-sized journeys of "Star Trek: very Short Treks," now streaming.
Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack
A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed FriendsCursed Friends
Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.