The Colbert Report

Sign Off - Don't Move

Season 5 • 10/26/2009

Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him. Stephen wants to remember you staring at him.

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01:22

Sign Off - Stephen Unveils a New Portrait
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen unveils his brand new portrait on the four-year anniversary of The Colbert Report's first episode.
10/15/2009
05:09

Tip/Wag - Coal Lobbyists, George Takei & Crispycones
The Colbert ReportS5

A coal lobby represents non-existent Americans, George Takei threatens the sanctity of game shows, and Crispycones are too easy to eat.
10/15/2009
03:29

The Mayo-lution Will Not Be Televised
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen responds to Miracle Whip's advertising campaign with his own extreme ad for mayo.
10/15/2009
06:53

Jerry Mitchell
The Colbert ReportS5

Thanks to Jerry Mitchell's investigations, four people have gone to jail for crimes they committed in the civil rights era.
10/15/2009
00:34

Intro - 10/15/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Dow hits 10,000, Stephen taps into the youth culture, and Jerry Mitchell investigates unsolved crimes from the civil rights era.
10/15/2009
01:50

The Money Shot
The Colbert ReportS5

Just in case you didn't get enough of that hot stock exchange session, Stephen has the uncut version on DVD.
10/15/2009
05:26

Cornel West
The Colbert ReportS5

Cornel West criticizes Barack Obama out of concern for the poor and working class people.
10/26/2009
05:48

The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell
The Colbert ReportS5

The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
10/26/2009
05:21

Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Get a Job
The Colbert ReportS5

Once you get a job interview with Stephen's celebrity endorsement, you'll want to grow a mustache.
10/26/2009
03:13

George Will's Long Tie
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen has to restore balance to the universe after George Will starts wearing long ties.
10/26/2009
00:15

Sign Off - Don't Move
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him.
10/26/2009
04:05

Colbert Platinum - Harvard Billionaires & Red Diamond SUV
The Colbert ReportS5

Harvard produces the most billionaires, and a Russian car company releases a diamond-encrusted SUV with whale penis leather interior.
10/27/2009
00:27

Sign Off - Goodnight?
The Colbert ReportS5

Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
10/27/2009
00:33

Intro - 10/27/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
10/27/2009
04:57

Gail Collins
The Colbert ReportS5

Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
10/27/2009
01:44

George W. Bush's Motivational Speech
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
10/27/2009
07:28

Holy Water Under the Bridge - Randall Balmer
The Colbert ReportS5

Randall Balmer refuses to join the Catholic Church because he's suspicious of any religious group that defines itself in negative terms.
10/27/2009
00:31

Intro - 10/28/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen finds out what broke the largest particle accelerator and preps for his interview with Brian Cox by watching "Baby Einstein" tapes.
10/28/2009
05:48

The Word - You-Genics
The Colbert ReportS5

Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
01:31

Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
The Colbert ReportS5

Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
01:44

Sign Off - Future Stephen
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
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