The Colbert Report

Tek Jansen - Beginning's First Dawn: Episode One

Season 3 • 09/12/2007

Tek Jansen gets his first taste of Alpha Squad.

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00:34

Intro - 9/11/07
The Colbert ReportS3

With Garrison Keillor's impending arrival, Stephen sends out a warning to those allergic to folksiness.
09/11/2007
04:30

Katie Bruggeman - Exclusive
The Colbert ReportS3

The ex-girlfriend of the cop that arrested Larry Craig tells all about her former paramour's preschool tendencies.
09/11/2007
03:39

Indecision 2008: Don't F%#k This Up America - The Kickoff
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen kicks off the most comprehensive election coverage possible, half an hour a night, four nights a week.
09/11/2007
01:38

General Betray Us
The Colbert ReportS3

The New York Times does a shabby job of turning David Petraeus' name into a putdown, but Stephen is here to help.
09/11/2007
00:34

Michael Bloomberg
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen interrupts New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg mid-speech to get him to sign his cast.
09/12/2007
01:12

Klein's Penance
The Colbert ReportS3

Schools Chancellor Joel Klein admits to cheating on his interview with Stephen.
09/12/2007
05:05

Joel Klein
The Colbert ReportS3

New York City Schools Chancellor Joel Klein is willing to pay kids for good grades while Stephen is willing to pay kids to smoke and play video games.
09/12/2007
00:35

Intro - 9/12/07
The Colbert ReportS3

If NYC Schools Chancellor Joel Klein visits Stephen, then who's chancelling the schools?
09/12/2007
03:21

1-888-MOPS-KEY
The Colbert ReportS3

In the year since the last appearance of the Atone Phone, 1-888-OOPS-JEW has been taken by another company.
09/12/2007
04:30

The Word - Re-Run
The Colbert ReportS3

MSNBC's unedited rebroadcast of the events of 9/11 gives Stephen an idea for boosting the president's approval ratings.
09/12/2007
04:42

Tek Jansen - Beginning's First Dawn: Episode One
The Colbert ReportS3

Tek Jansen's latest adventure is his first adventure, from space dog vending to a fateful fall.
09/12/2007
00:36

Intro - 9/13/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Tonight's episode is Stephen's last show before the Emmys and he will expose the truth about Mother Teresa and interview Ed Begley Jr.
09/13/2007
04:19

The Emmys
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen has nothing against the other Emmy nominees -- except Jon Stewart.
09/13/2007
05:15

Father James Martin
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Father James Martin if he was shocked to find out that Mother Teresa is probably in hell.
09/13/2007
03:06

WristStrong
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen suggests that Matt Lauer slip his WristStrong bracelet to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
09/13/2007
01:58

Stephen for President - Answering the Call
The Colbert ReportS3

Viggo Mortensen surrenders a huge letter opener to Stephen as a sign for him to run for president.
09/13/2007
04:48

Ed Begley Jr.
The Colbert ReportS3

Ed Begley Jr. became interested in environmental issues as a Boy Scout and maintained his interest only to gain more merit badges.
09/13/2007
00:35

Intro - 9/18/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Tonight, Stephen reports on changes to the California electoral system, profiles one of America's unsung heroes and interviews Susan Sarandon.
09/18/2007
06:29

Susan Sarandon
The Colbert ReportS3

Susan Sarandon tells Stephen that her phone was bugged because Sean Penn was probably calling her.
09/18/2007
04:28

Difference Makers - Nitro Girl
The Colbert ReportS3

Nitro Girl is the most patriotic giant American woman since the Statue of Liberty -- and she does it all without inviting immigrants to invade our country.
09/18/2007
02:53

The Word - Let My People Go
The Colbert ReportS3

Every presidential election year, California's 55 electoral college votes go to the Democratic candidate just because more people voted for him.
09/18/2007
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