The Colbert Report

Intro - 1/31/07

Season 3 • 01/31/2007

Eight percent of sheep are gay -- the rest are into bestiality.

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03:41

New Military Weapon
The Colbert ReportS3

The Pentagon introduces a new non-lethal weapon with an invisible beam, but Stephen has come up with his own irresistible security technology.
01/30/2007
06:17

Donna Shalala
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Donna Shalala if cabinet meetings were interrupted to change Clinton's bong water.
01/30/2007
01:10

Sign Off - Microwave Gift to O'Reilly
The Colbert ReportS3

It was an honor for Stephen to steal a microwave from Bill O'Reilly's green room, but he hasn't been feeling too great about what he did.
01/30/2007
04:30

David Leonhardt
The Colbert ReportS3

How much should we spend on freedom? Stephen makes David Leonhardt an offer he can't refuse.
01/30/2007
03:20

Judge, Jury & Executioner - Adultery
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen declares Scooter Libby innocent, a life sentence for adultery fair, and a Levi's lawsuit baseless.
01/30/2007
02:24

Global Warming
The Colbert ReportS3

To protest Paris' decrease in power consumption, Stephen has replaced his stage manager, Bobby, with a 5,000 watt heat lamp
01/31/2007
02:01

The Word - Black Sheep
The Colbert ReportS3

If sheep do it, it must prove that being gay is natural, right? Wrong. It just proves being a sheep is unnatural.
01/31/2007
05:56

Jed Babbin
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Jed Babbin what can be done to shut the American people up.
01/31/2007
05:05

Better Know a District - New York's 6th - Gregory Meeks
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Gregory Meeks if he expects much resistance to the mandatory gay marriage act.
01/31/2007
04:10

On Notice - Jane Fonda Fantasies
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen can't put Jane Fonda on notice until he puts his fantasies of Jane Fonda on notice.
01/31/2007
00:32

Intro - 1/31/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen looks at gay sheep, and throws down with Gregory Meeks.
01/31/2007
06:18

Chuck Schumer
The Colbert ReportS3

Chuck Schumer talks to Stephen about his new book, his views on Iraq and Hillary Clinton. Then, Stephen accuses him of promising a bad economy.
02/01/2007
02:53

The Word - We Shall Overcome
The Colbert ReportS3

The Hispanic Congressional Congress is a perfect example of being colorblind -- they have eleven non-Hispanic members to their five Hispanic members.
02/01/2007
01:47

Cartoon Terrorism
The Colbert ReportS3

A publicity stunt for Aqua Teen Hunger Force caused a terrorism scare in Boston. What's more, it also ruined several marketing campaigns that Stephen had planned.
02/01/2007
01:36

The Most Poetic F@#king Thing I've Ever Heard
The Colbert ReportS3

Rainbow covered bridges paved with babies' dreams has nothing on moths that drink the tears of sleeping magpies. That's the most poetic f**king thing Stephen has ever heard.
02/01/2007
00:32

Intro - 2/1/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Tom Tancredo has plans to get rid of the congressional black caucus, Stephen's getting sick from the Oscars and Chuck Schumer has advice for the Democrats.
02/01/2007
03:22

Ending Racism
The Colbert ReportS3

In response to a remark by Frank Hargrove, Stephen apologizes for racism and bids farewell to it with a video montage.
02/01/2007
03:45

Movies That Are Destroying America - Oscars Edition
The Colbert ReportS3

The Oscars really made Stephen sick this year with movies like "Little Miss Sunshine," "Pan's Labyrinth" and "An Inconvenient Truth."
02/01/2007
01:53

Peyton Manseed
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is thrilled about the Bears being slaughtered in the Super Bowl and approves of Prince's kosher halftime performance.
02/05/2007
00:36

Intro - 2/5/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Despite global warming, Stephen's freezing his ass off while that bastard Tesla gains another victory, and Wendy Kopp gets schooled by America.
02/05/2007
05:43

Wendy Kopp
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen's speaks with Teach for America founder Wendy Kopp and suggests that eliminating schools entirely is the best way to achieve equal educational opportunity.
02/05/2007
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