The Colbert Report

Intro - 4/30/09

Season 5 • 04/30/2009

President Obama completes his first 100 days -- took him long enough.

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00:30

Intro - 4/29/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The nation may have an education problem, and David Kessler thinks Americans eat too much, which means he must have eyes.
04/29/2009
00:14

Feet Teeth
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't forget to brush your teeth, including your feet teeth.
04/29/2009
04:51

Enemy Swine: A Pigcalypse Now
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen calms everyone down with his advice on swine flu.
04/29/2009
05:08

David Kessler
The Colbert ReportS5

David Kessler wants to save lives by getting Americans to eat less.
04/29/2009
06:33

I's On Edjukashun - Textbooks, AmeriCorps & Strip-Search
The Colbert ReportS5

Fox News exposes liberal textbooks, AmeriCorps increases its mind control, and a girl is strip-searched for ibuprofen.
04/29/2009
02:01

Ahmadinejad Steals Obama's Slogan
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama should have anticipated that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would copy him and picked a more effective anti-nuclear campaign slogan.
04/29/2009
05:22

Ethan Nadelmann
The Colbert ReportS5

Ethan Nadelmann wants to remove marijuana from the criminal justice system and put it into the taxation and regulation systems.
04/30/2009
08:37

President Obama - The First 14 Mondays
The Colbert ReportS5

The true test of a president: running the country while living Garfield's worst nightmare.
04/30/2009
04:49

Obama's First 14 Mondays - Jonathan Alter
The Colbert ReportS5

Jonathan Alter tells Stephen how Obama's first 14 Mondays stack up against FDR's.
04/30/2009
00:14

The After Show
The Colbert ReportS5

Stick around for the after-the-show show, which is Monday night's episode.
04/30/2009
00:24

Intro - 4/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama finally completes his first 100 days, and don't tell Ethan Nadelmann Stephen's wearing a wire.
04/30/2009
03:22

Code Word - Empathy
The Colbert ReportS5

Clearly, Obama plans to appoint a drug-addled evolutionist with swine flu to the Supreme Court.
05/04/2009
03:47

The Prescott Group Bailout
The Colbert ReportS5

Help your old friends at the Prescott Group because if they go down, they're taking you with them.
05/04/2009
05:54

J.J. Abrams
The Colbert ReportS5

J.J. Abrams reveals clues to Stephen's Persian Gulf mystery before Romulan Stephen demands revenge.
05/04/2009
00:23

Sign Off - Colbert Nation Home
The Colbert ReportS5

Every great American's interactive adventure starts with colbertnation.com.
05/04/2009
05:56

Movies That Are Destroying America - Summer Movie Edition
The Colbert ReportS5

"Up" is a fantastic solution to our Social Security problem: we tie old people to balloons and let them fly away.
05/04/2009
00:19

Sign Off - iTeam
The Colbert ReportS5

Unless Apple has an application called iTeam, there's no "I" in team.
05/05/2009
05:43

Paul Rieckhoff
The Colbert ReportS5

Paul Rieckhoff wants to make sure returning veterans get education, employment and health care support.
05/05/2009
05:15

Picking a New Supreme Court Justice - Cliff Sloan
The Colbert ReportS5

Cliff Sloan estimates that the odds on the new Supreme Court justice being a white male are close to zero, even if that male is Stephen.
05/05/2009
01:50

Cinco de Mayo Precautions
The Colbert ReportS5

This year, Stephen celebrates Cinco de Mayo with a quarantined three-bean dip and a Hazmat-suited pinata filled with Tamiflu.
05/05/2009
05:57

The Word - Captain Kangaroo Court
The Colbert ReportS5

Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney should have to explain their nuanced rationale for torture to a jury of children.
05/05/2009
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