The Colbert Report

Cheney's Secret Assassination Squad

Season 5 • 04/02/2009

It's not surprising Dick Cheney had a band of executioners taking orders from their dark overlord.

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00:16

Hide-and-Seek
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen ends the hide-and-seek game he forgot to finish when he was seven.
04/01/2009
05:14

The Word - Fine Line
The Colbert ReportS5

The Line index: just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
04/01/2009
00:32

Intro - 4/1/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The take-home message of this economy: there is nothing to take and you have no home.
04/01/2009
05:45

Cheating Death - Sperm Sale & Colonoscopies
The Colbert ReportS5

A sperm bank offers a clearance sale, Canadian researchers invent the PolyPill, and veterans get dirty colonoscopies.
04/01/2009
02:41

French Worker Protests
The Colbert ReportS5

Once again, Americans are going to have to show the French how it is done, just like with the mustache.
04/01/2009
00:34

Intro - 4/2/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama meets with the president of Russia. The big question: what was Michelle wearing?
04/02/2009
03:19

Merriam-Webster's Word's Worth
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen won't let Merriam-Webster engayify other straight words like "drag," "bear" and "Manwich."
04/02/2009
06:26

Cold War Update - Russia, Cuba & Space
The Colbert ReportS5

Russia wants a new currency, Congress tries to lift the Cuba embargo, and Russian astronauts can't use American toilets in space.
04/02/2009
00:18

Let Your GPS Be Your Guide
The Colbert ReportS5

Let your conscience be your guide until you can afford a GPS.
04/02/2009
07:09

Biz Stone
The Colbert ReportS5

Twitter co-founder Biz Stone, one of America's preeminent Twits, discusses the company's popularity and business model.
04/02/2009
02:10

Cheney's Secret Assassination Squad
The Colbert ReportS5

It's hard to believe Dick Cheney had the time to command a secret lawless assassination squad with all the secret lawless torture.
04/02/2009
05:00

Space Module: Colbert - Urine Recycling Room
The Colbert ReportS5

NASA, don't make Stephen launch an intern into space with a can of spray paint.
04/06/2009
00:31

Intro - 4/6/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Barack Obama travels around Europe, and new developments arise in the NASA node-naming contest.
04/06/2009
04:42

Obama's European Trip - Tom Brokaw
The Colbert ReportS5

Tom Brokaw believes Barack Obama appeared very presidential at the G20 Summit.
04/06/2009
02:28

Un-American News - Rest of the World
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen loves Barack Obama, at least until he returns to the United States.
04/06/2009
00:15

Make Lemonade
The Colbert ReportS5

If life gives you lemons, water, sugar and ice, make lemonade.
04/06/2009
03:14

Body Loss
The Colbert ReportS5

Getting paid for missing body parts is too tempting for Americans.
04/06/2009
00:15

Rich Lowry
The Colbert ReportS5

Rich Lowry wants Republican principles to stay the same, but the application to change.
04/06/2009
00:15

Hiccup-Free
The Colbert ReportS5

The Colbert Report is no longer hiccup-free.
04/07/2009
01:20

Queen Noor's Royal Treatment
The Colbert ReportS5

To make sure Stephen doesn't violate any royalty protocol, he's going to wear surgical gloves.
04/07/2009
04:55

The Word - Morally Bankrupt
The Colbert ReportS5

TV has so little societal value that Bill Gates is willing to pay to provide the most cursory positive messages.
04/07/2009
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