The Colbert Report

The Word - Noncensus

Season 5 • 06/29/2009

Undermining the census isn't enough -- Americans have to stop counting.

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05:56

Mark Sanford Does Something Interesting
The Colbert ReportS5

Mark Sanford releases the juicy details of his torrid affair at a press conference, putting Stephen to sleep.
06/24/2009
05:59

Jim Fouratt
The Colbert ReportS5

Jim Fouratt discusses the significance of the Stonewall riots for the gay rights movement and his frustration with Barack Obama.
06/25/2009
00:16

Sign Off - One Breath
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen made it through the whole show in one breath.
06/25/2009
00:33

Intro - 6/25/09
The Colbert ReportS5

ABC turns their network over to Barack Obama, and Jim Fouratt meets the leader of the gay shame movement.
06/25/2009
02:01

Gay Demon on the Loose
The Colbert ReportS5

A gay demon was perfectly harmless inside a gay teen, but now it's on the prowl looking to inhabit a new host.
06/25/2009
04:09

The Word - Stonewalling
The Colbert ReportS5

Barack Obama will give rights to the gay community once he's done putting it off.
06/25/2009
06:28

Commonsense Health Care Reform Infomercial
The Colbert ReportS5

Barack Obama promotes his health care plan on ABC, while Republicans propose their own health care reform with an infomercial.
06/25/2009
05:24

Jeff Goldblum Will Be Missed
The Colbert ReportS5

Jeff Goldblum interrupts Stephen's report on the death of Jeff Goldblum.
06/29/2009
02:36

Michael Jackson's Media Attention
The Colbert ReportS5

With the media focused on Michael Jackson's death, Stephen can commit unspeakable acts of depravity without anyone noticing.
06/29/2009
04:52

Neil deGrasse Tyson
The Colbert ReportS5

Neil deGrasse Tyson tries to make science accessible to whomever wants to reach out and touch it.
06/29/2009
05:04

The Word - Noncensus
The Colbert ReportS5

If Americans stop counting, it will end longstanding problems like the census, the deficit and birthdays.
06/29/2009
00:12

Sign Off - Farewell, David Souter
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen hopes Justice David Souter enjoys his retirement with Norm Coleman.
06/30/2009
03:09

Is It Time to Care About Soccer? - Alexi Lalas
The Colbert ReportS5

Alexi Lalas believes the U.S. soccer team definitely has a shot at winning the World Cup.
06/30/2009
00:27

Intro - 6/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen questions whether America should embrace soccer, and Kevin Mattson thinks Jimmy Carter was underappreciated.
06/30/2009
04:38

Is It Time To Care About Soccer?
The Colbert ReportS5

Normally, Stephen wouldn't think twice about soccer, but that was before the U.S. was good at it.
06/30/2009
02:22

4th of July Under Attack
The Colbert ReportS5

An environmental activist sues Seattle to suspend their 4th of July fireworks display in pristine Gas Works Park.
06/30/2009
02:24

Al Franken Finally Declared Senator
The Colbert ReportS5

The Minnesota Supreme Court rushes to declare Al Franken the Senate race winner after barely seven months of deliberation.
06/30/2009
06:03

Kevin Mattson
The Colbert ReportS5

Kevin Mattson discusses the relevance of Jimmy Carter's underappreciated "national malaise" speech.
06/30/2009
05:44

Nicholas Kristof
The Colbert ReportS5

Nicholas Kristof describes the endocrine disruptors in the water that are causing genital malformations in male animals and humans.
07/01/2009
00:12

Sign Off - Get Your Illegal Fireworks
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't forget, there are only three more illegal fireworks shopping days until the 4th of July.
07/01/2009
00:37

Intro - 7/1/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Supreme Court takes its recess, and Nicholas Kristof discusses "It's Time to Learn From Frogs" after crossing five lanes of busy traffic.
07/01/2009
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