The Colbert Report

Massie Ritsch

Season 3 • 10/30/2007

Massie Ritsch gives Stephen pointers on how to raise campaign funds legally.

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03:34

The Word - Absinthetinence
The Colbert ReportS3

America's youth: stay away from absinthe. It can damage your liver and kidneys and make you paint strange things.
10/29/2007
04:55

Richard Berman
The Colbert ReportS3

Rick Berman and Stephen discuss why smoking, drinking, eating and skydiving shouldn't be regulated.
10/29/2007
00:43

The Last Infographic
The Colbert ReportS3

It is a sad day in the news world, as USA Today prints its very last infographic, a chart showing which American streets are named after which candy.
10/29/2007
03:42

Tip/Wag - Sleep Deprivation
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tips his hat to The New York Times after his book hit number one, but wags his finger at neuroscientists at U.C. Berkeley for saying that people need sleep.
10/29/2007
00:35

Intro - 10/29/07
The Colbert ReportS3

The McCain campaign gets a technological boost, absinthe is in again, and guest Richard Berman opposes PETA and MADD.
10/29/2007
04:48

Hail to the Cheese - Branded Killings
The Colbert ReportS3

After John McCain told the people of Smith & Wesson that he would use their products to kill Osama bin Laden, Stephen does the same with Isotoner gloves, Cinnabon and Head On.
10/29/2007
01:34

Sign Off - Rocktober
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen honors the Boston Red Sox for punishing the Colorado Rockies and preserving the sanctity of Rocktober by adding a rock and roll creche to his bookshelf.
10/29/2007
04:36

Earth Attacks - Georgia Drought
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells us why nature is a bigger threat to us than we are to it, and recommends that Georgia beat the drought by blasting their air conditioners 24 hours a day.
10/30/2007
06:16

J. Craig Venter
The Colbert ReportS3

Scientist Craig Venter stops by to talk about genome decoding, the imperfections of God and what gives Stephen gas.
10/30/2007
00:33

Intro - 10/30/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen takes a look at campaign finance laws, introduces a new segment in which polar bears were killed and speaks with Craig Venter about the genetics field.
10/30/2007
08:36

Massie Ritsch
The Colbert ReportS3

After learning that having his campaign funded by Doritos may be illegal, Stephen invites Massie Ritsch to explain campaign funding to him.
10/30/2007
01:24

Monkey on the Lam - Lobster Edition
The Colbert ReportS3

Last week in Germany, a pack of lobsters escaped from their crates and made a run for the ocean. Once recovered, however, the notoriously soft-hearted Germans didn't eat them.
10/31/2007
04:59

The Word - Job Description
The Colbert ReportS3

We've heard about immigration, health care, and who can say "9/11" five times fast with crackers in his mouth, but no candidate has given a job description of the presidency.
10/31/2007
03:17

Democra-SEE, Democra-DO - Elections
The Colbert ReportS3

America is in the middle of an election, so of course other little countries are holding their own adorable little elections, too.
10/31/2007
02:10

Hallo-Weening
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen wishes he could wish everyone a happy Halloween, but he doesn't believe in celebrating panhandling.
10/31/2007
02:04

Obama's Grit-Off Challenge
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen knew presidential politics could get personal, but he never guessed it would get as dirty as Barack Obama challenging him to a grit-off.
10/31/2007
00:34

Intro - 10/31/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Vladimir Putin's chances in elections around the world, how Bush reshaped the presidency, and proof of the old saying, "If at first you don't succeed, invade Iran."
10/31/2007
05:44

Lawrence Wilkerson
The Colbert ReportS3

Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson believes the upper strata of the Bush administration hijacked strategy in Iraq. Stephen asks who should have done so instead.
10/31/2007
00:19

Hail to the Cheese - Donors Choose
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen's campaign for president may be over, but you can still help him win.
11/01/2007
00:33

Intro - 11/1/07
The Colbert ReportS3

In tonight's episode, Stephen sits down with Walter Kirn and finds out if he's on the ballot as a Democrat.
11/01/2007
05:19

Walter Kirn
The Colbert ReportS3

Walter Kirn thinks multi-tasking is dangerous. Stephen thinks it's as safe as juggling while driving.
11/01/2007
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