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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Internal Clock
Season 5 • 05/18/2009
It's time to go according to Stephen's internal clock.
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Watching
05:03
Yahweh or No Way - Father Cutie & Miss California
The Colbert Report
S5
God wants priests to be celibate, and Miss California, Carrie Prejean, might be the second coming.
05/14/2009
01:26
Caveman Porn Stash
The Colbert Report
S5
German archaeologists discover a caveman's porn sculpture 35,000 years after he dies.
05/14/2009
03:41
DonorsChoose.org Donations
The Colbert Report
S5
The five branches of the military are in a tight race for your donations, and kids from the schools you're funding send Stephen their art.
05/14/2009
00:31
Intro - 5/14/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Donald Trump allows Miss California to keep her crown, the DonorsChoose competition continues, and Yusuf performs.
05/14/2009
05:00
Yusuf
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen calls Yusuf a coward while telling him he loves him at the same time.
05/14/2009
04:53
The Word - Tough Cell
The Colbert Report
S5
Instead of putting Al Qaeda terrorists in our neighborhoods, we can send them to Dick Cheney's ranch.
05/18/2009
05:47
Meghan McCain
The Colbert Report
S5
Meghan McCain loves the Republican Party and wants to save it from the people trying to make it more extreme.
05/18/2009
05:24
ThreatDown - Charity, Casual Jesus & Robot Teachers
The Colbert Report
S5
The Christian Children's Fund changes its name, Jesus goes casual, and Japan unveils a scary robot teacher.
05/18/2009
00:31
Intro - 5/18/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Evidently, you can't leave prisoners at Gitmo, and the Christian Children's Foundation changes its name.
05/18/2009
02:27
Welcome to the Real World, Obama
The Colbert Report
S5
To join the conservative real world, Obama will need a magical unicorn, a dictionary and proof that global warming doesn't exist.
05/18/2009
00:13
Sign Off - Internal Clock
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen's internal clock is telling him it's time to go.
05/18/2009
01:45
Rumsfeld's Cover Letter Bible Quotes
The Colbert Report
S5
Rumsfeld put Bible quotes on his cover pages for President Bush because war briefings are a snooze without a little pizzazz.
05/19/2009
06:24
Walter Kirn
The Colbert Report
S5
Walter Kirn believes that putting Ivy League schools like Princeton on the web would show those attending state schools they're not inferior.
05/19/2009
00:09
Stephen's Show
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for the show -- Stephen's show.
05/19/2009
00:32
Intro - 5/19/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Republicans find a way to make us love them again, and a Difference Maker stands up to the government.
05/19/2009
04:49
The Word - I Know You Are But What Am I?
The Colbert Report
S5
If the Republicans really want people to go against the Democrats, they'll need a name that instantly turns people off.
05/19/2009
06:24
Difference Makers - Stephen Keith
The Colbert Report
S5
Government regulation strangles Tombstone, AZ until actor Stephen Keith fires back with fake guns.
05/19/2009
00:33
Intro - 5/20/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Torture memo author John Yoo gets a newspaper column, and Nancy Pelosi says the CIA lied to her.
05/20/2009
06:02
Seth Shostak
The Colbert Report
S5
Seth Shostak believes that, unless Earth is a miracle, there is most likely life among the trillion planets.
05/20/2009
00:04
Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for The Report, everybody.
05/20/2009
06:56
She Said, CIA Said - Bob Graham
The Colbert Report
S5
Bob Graham's diary doesn't say anything about the CIA briefing him on waterboarding.
05/20/2009
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