The Colbert Report

Intro - 7/30/09

Season 5 • 07/30/2009

Stephen's roommate, Frank, sits at Stephen's desk for the intro.

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03:19

Sport Report - Tour de France & Robotic Baseball
The Colbert ReportS5

A person who isn't Lance Armstrong wins the Tour de France, and Japanese robots make baseball interesting.
07/29/2009
00:21

Sign Off - Watch Without Blinking
The Colbert ReportS5

If you watch this episode again without blinking, you get three percent more programming.
07/29/2009
03:04

Frank the Roommate
The Colbert ReportS5

After Viacom's profits fall by 32%, Stephen cuts his costs by taking on a roommate.
07/29/2009
05:17

Kevin Baker
The Colbert ReportS5

Kevin Baker believes President Obama sees what needs to be done but is too reluctant to break with Congress.
07/29/2009
06:51

The Word - He Who Smelt It, Dealt It
The Colbert ReportS5

Racism is nothing more than an unpleasant nuisance that is best to ignore, like a fart.
07/29/2009
02:49

White House Beer Summit
The Colbert ReportS5

Barack Obama, Henry Louis Gates Jr. and James Crowley insist on three different brands of foreign beer for their White House meeting.
07/30/2009
04:37

Kathryn Bigelow
The Colbert ReportS5

Kathryn Bigelow's war movie, "The Hurt Locker," is getting great reviews, despite not having explosions and ear-splitting sound effects.
07/30/2009
03:55

Tip/Wag - Man-Words & Movits!
The Colbert ReportS5

Educators ban man-words from textbooks, and Stephen discovers America's newest pop sensation, Movits!
07/30/2009
02:06

Sign Off - Taco Bell Spokesdog
The Colbert ReportS5

Taco Bell's beloved spokesdog, Gidget, is on a farm upstate, playing with other dogs that are dead.
07/30/2009
05:55

MeTunes - Hit of the Summer
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen can't get behind current hits from The Black Eyed Peas, Jeremih and Sean Kingston, so he creates his own song of the summer.
07/30/2009
00:14

Intro - 7/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen can't start the show because his roommate, Frank, is sitting at his desk.
07/30/2009
05:07

Tony Zinni
The Colbert ReportS5

General Tony Zinni cites David Petraeus, Barack Obama and Richard Branson as examples of great leaders.
08/03/2009
00:03

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show, everybody.
08/03/2009
05:14

Bears & Balls - How to Pay for Health Care
The Colbert ReportS5

Democrats want to pay for health care reform by taxing sodas and killing old people.
08/03/2009
04:46

Nailed 'Em - War on Birth Control
The Colbert ReportS5

The Fairfax County School Board nails a teen junkie for taking birth control in the cafeteria.
08/03/2009
02:56

Dominic Philip's Book Habit
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen cures Dominic Philip's reading habit by sending him an entire box of books and forcing him to read every last one of them.
08/03/2009
00:31

Intro - 8/3/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama finds a way to pay for health care, and General Anthony Zinni will wax Stephen's chest.
08/03/2009
04:57

The Word - Hippie Replacement
The Colbert ReportS5

Soon America's grassroots people-power movements will be rid of the one thing that's holding them back: people.
08/04/2009
06:24

Kurt Andersen
The Colbert ReportS5

According to Kurt Andersen, the economic and health crises give Americans a brief chance to get things where they want them.
08/04/2009
00:10

Sign Off - Love Makes the World Go Round
The Colbert ReportS5

Love makes the world go round, so stop hogging all the credit, physics.
08/04/2009
04:57

Colbert Bump Cocktail - David Wondrich
The Colbert ReportS5

David Wondrich serves Stephen drinks from the Great Depression and the Civil War, and invents a Colbert Bump cocktail.
08/04/2009
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