The Colbert Report

Intro - 11/16/09

Season 5 • 11/16/2009

The gays want more. C'mon, we already gave 'em Doogie Howser.

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01:26

Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's Head
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
11/12/2009
03:46

The Word - The Money Shot
The Colbert ReportS5

If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
11/12/2009
01:24

Miracle Whip Buys Ad Space
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
11/12/2009
04:07

Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing Campaign
The Colbert ReportS5

A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
11/12/2009
06:01

Woody Harrelson
The Colbert ReportS5

Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
11/12/2009
03:32

Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe Perry
The Colbert ReportS5

Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
11/16/2009
05:49

The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
The Colbert ReportS5

How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
11/16/2009
00:19

Sign Off - Good Morning, Burma
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says good morning to anybody watching from Burma, and congratulations on owning a TV.
11/16/2009
03:07

Obama Bows to Japanese Emperor
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama brings great shame upon America by taking a deep bow to the emperor of Japan.
11/16/2009
06:30

Paul Goldberger
The Colbert ReportS5

Paul Goldberger says buildings bring out our emotions and are part of our most profound memories.
11/16/2009
00:31

Intro - 11/16/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
11/16/2009
07:09

Kid Gloves - Marc Kielburger
The Colbert ReportS5

Marc Kielburger attempts to break the cycle of poverty by taking kids out of child labor and putting them in school.
11/17/2009
00:02

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report, everybody.
11/17/2009
06:21

Better Know a District - California's 12th - Jackie Speier
The Colbert ReportS5

Representative Jackie Speier defends gay rights and shoots a viral skateboarding video for YouTube with Stephen.
11/17/2009
00:33

Intro - 11/17/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Congress cracks down on child labor, Stephen profiles California's 12th district, and Malcolm Gladwell talks about his new book.
11/17/2009
05:45

Malcolm Gladwell
The Colbert ReportS5

Malcolm Gladwell tries to get people to see connections between their own worlds and worlds outside of theirs.
11/17/2009
04:30

The Word - Grand Old Pity Party
The Colbert ReportS5

Fact checking and opposition research are the same thing to Sarah Palin because she knows the facts are out to get her.
11/18/2009
02:09

Eggo Waffles Shortage Alert
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen puts America on Waff-Con Four and calls on President Obama to open the strategic waffle reserves.
11/18/2009
04:37

ThreatDown - Quetzalcoatl, Santa Claus & Canadian Groin Kickers
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen refuses to apologize to Quetzalcoatl, Santa Claus could make you sick, and a Canadian woman kicks strangers in the balls.
11/18/2009
03:29

Norah Jones
The Colbert ReportS5

Norah Jones doesn't like her fans enough to get caught snorting coke in her underwear.
11/18/2009
00:35

Intro - 11/18/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Sarah Palin has a 400-page book, "2012" takes the world by storm, and Norah Jones talks about her famous father, Indiana.
11/18/2009
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