The Colbert Report

Intro - 4/16/09

Season 5 • 04/16/2009

Stephen will finally be able to marry himself.

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01:53

Obama Denies Habeas Corpus
The Colbert ReportS5

Barack Obama helps America escape from the Bill of Rights lovers who keep humping the leg of habeas corpus.
04/15/2009
00:26

Homework Assignment
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants a summary of the show with special emphasis on theme and literary devices on his desk tomorrow morning.
04/15/2009
03:40

Tax Atax
The Colbert ReportS5

Glenn Beck holds his tea party in the only location that makes sense: the Alamo.
04/15/2009
00:34

Intro - 4/15/09
The Colbert ReportS5

It's tax day, or as many Americans call it, "Oh my God, it's 11:30."
04/15/2009
06:29

Jim Lehrer
The Colbert ReportS5

It takes real courage for Jim Lehrer to be boring five nights a week on television.
04/15/2009
05:06

Indian Elections - Kanishk Tharoor
The Colbert ReportS5

Kanishk Tharoor describes India's beautifully choreographed dance of democracy.
04/16/2009
06:11

The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad
The Colbert ReportS5

There's a giant gay storm gathering, and before long the winds will be blowing each other.
04/16/2009
00:03

Goodnight Salute
The Colbert ReportS5

Goodnight, everybody.
04/16/2009
06:01

Douglas Kmiec
The Colbert ReportS5

Douglas Kmiec doesn't want the state to adopt any religion's perspective and impose it on Americans.
04/16/2009
02:11

Teabagging Protests
The Colbert ReportS5

Perverts sully the patriotic act of a taxpayer rising up, standing over his government and delivering his opinion into the mouth of power.
04/16/2009
00:29

Intro - 4/16/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Gay marriage threatens New York. On the plus side, Stephen will finally be able to marry himself.
04/16/2009
07:00

Joe Arpaio
The Colbert ReportS5

Sheriff Joe Arpaio denies that he focuses too much on illegal immigration.
04/20/2009
02:52

Maersk Alabama - Ken Quinn
The Colbert ReportS5

Second Mate Ken Quinn and Stephen are returning to sea to hunt pirates in a two-man paddleboat.
04/20/2009
00:16

Stephen's Only Regrets
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen's only regret is all the great stuff that was cut out because the audience wouldn't stop cheering.
04/20/2009
03:17

Anger's Aweigh
The Colbert ReportS5

Granting vigilantes the right to shoot pirates on the high seas is the free market at its best.
04/20/2009
03:51

Tip/Wag - Texas Secession & MACA
The Colbert ReportS5

Texas Governor Rick Perry wants to secede, and MACA urges the Obamas to use pesticides in their organic garden.
04/20/2009
00:34

Intro - 4/20/09
The Colbert ReportS5

How to deal with the scourge of piracy -- if only there were a form of transportation besides boats.
04/20/2009
01:56

Castro Death Wish List
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to force feed Castro hot dogs and make him watch "This Week with George Stephanopoulos."
04/20/2009
06:32

The Word - Stressed Position
The Colbert ReportS5

Americans will get justice for torture without making any of the good guys pay the price.
04/21/2009
03:12

George Will's Demon Denim
The Colbert ReportS5

George Will launches a righteous attack against Satan's denim leg tubes.
04/21/2009
03:44

Who's Riding My Coattails Now? - Blown Away by the USA
The Colbert ReportS5

Act now and receive Stephen's patriotic CD collection: "Blown Away by the USA," "Stunned by the States" and "Flabbergasted by the Flag."
04/21/2009
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