The Colbert Report

Intro - 7/31/07

Season 3 • 07/31/2007

Stephen wonders if Alberto Gonzales will be sentenced to a round of golf with Scooter Libby if he's found guilty of perjury.

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05:24

ThreatDown - Scottish Surgeons
The Colbert ReportS3

Thanks to Scottish surgeons, the only way America can protect its ports is by crossbreeding dolphins with Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff.
07/30/2007
02:48

The Word - Solidarity
The Colbert ReportS3

By hiring the homeless to picket for them, carpenters are protesting low wages and no benefits with low wages and no benefits.
07/30/2007
02:55

Pollution Immigration
The Colbert ReportS3

Polluted air from Asia, or "kung fumes," are taking away emphysema-related deaths from hardworking American pollutants.
07/30/2007
00:27

Intro - 7/30/07
The Colbert ReportS3

In this episode, Stephen suggests a new picketing strategy for unions, looks at botulism in our chili and interviews Chicago Tribune's Beijing Bureau Chief, Evan Osnos.
07/30/2007
02:24

The Word - Special Prosecutor
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen argues that if Alberto Gonzales believes what he is saying, then technically, it's not perjury.
07/31/2007
04:54

Sport Report - Barry Bonds
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen defends Barry Bonds' alleged drug use, gambles his money away in the Saudi Arabia and Iraq soccer game and talks about a racing greyhound that's named after him.
07/31/2007
00:38

Rupert Murdoch Purchases The Wall Street Journal
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen wonders if Rupert Murdoch has instead taken over Reuters, who were first to report the story.
07/31/2007
02:21

Wrist Violence Epidemic
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen continues to attack films that show wrist violence and calls on Hollywood to stop showing such acts.
07/31/2007
02:32

Smokin' Pole - Arc! Who Goes There?
The Colbert ReportS3

Now is the time for America to deploy its undersea army of hermit crabs to fight back Russia from claiming the North Pole.
07/31/2007
06:06

Kathleen Kennedy Townsend
The Colbert ReportS3

Kathleen Kennedy Townsend explains how the Christian Right has shrunk God and made America not care about the common good.
07/31/2007
00:33

Intro - 7/31/07
The Colbert ReportS3

In this episode, Russia lays claim to the North Pole, Democrats accuse Alberto Gonzales of perjury and guest Kathleen Kennedy Townsend talks about what happens when you mix politics and religion.
07/31/2007
03:57

The Word - College Credit
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is all in favor of a new system of charging higher tuition for certain college majors and has some additional ideas of his own.
08/01/2007
03:09

When Animals Attack Our Morals - Hollywood Pigeons
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen recommends that Hollywood stop putting their pigeons on the pill and start teaching an abstinence-only curriculum.
08/01/2007
00:31

Intro - 8/1/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen thinks an infestation of pigeons is Michael Bay's latest summer blockbuster.
08/01/2007
05:45

Dr. Jerry Vizzone
The Colbert ReportS3

The master of the metacarpals, Dr. Jerry Vizzone, joins Stephen to talk about wrist violence.
08/01/2007
05:59

Michael Beschloss
The Colbert ReportS3

Michael Beschloss explains why historians don't immediately judge history as soon as it happens.
08/01/2007
00:14

30-Minute Anniversary
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen wishes the Nation a happy 30-minute anniversary, but wonders where his present is.
08/01/2007
05:18

Michael Behe
The Colbert ReportS3

The father of intelligent design, Michael Behe, joins Stephen to explain his role as the Albert Einstein of Charles Darwin.
08/02/2007
01:19

ThighMasters for the Troops
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is appalled that the defense department would undermine our troops' self-confidence by sending them ThighMasters.
08/02/2007
00:34

Intro - 8/2/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen warns his monkey viewers that the father of intelligent design will be joining him on the show.
08/02/2007
03:50

Rick MacArthur
The Colbert ReportS3

Rick MacArthur explains how NAFTA should be renamed the North American Cheap Labor Agreement.
08/02/2007
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