The Colbert Report

America Does Not Swear On Camera

Season 5 • 04/23/2009

We are America. We do not swear on camera.

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00:35

Intro - 4/22/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas, and Stephen looks forward to making fun of Ira Glass' glasses.
04/22/2009
02:03

"The Price Is Right" Goes Green
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen bids less than a dollar on environmentally friendly prizes.
04/22/2009
05:33

Summit of All Fears
The Colbert ReportS5

Esteban Colberto believes Barack Obama has bigger plantains to fry than the Summit of the Americas.
04/22/2009
05:32

Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Qatar
The Colbert ReportS5

Alcohol and pornography aren't allowed in Qatar, but they didn't say anything about O'Doul's and the Talbots catalogue.
04/22/2009
00:12

Never Go to Bed Angry
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't go to bed angry. Stephen will do that for you.
04/22/2009
00:10

Goodnight, Daisy
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen bids goodnight to Daisy the Cow.
04/23/2009
05:14

The Word - Brunt Double
The Colbert ReportS5

Until we can all agree on whom we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got.
04/23/2009
00:39

Intro - 4/23/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Who is to blame for the economic crisis? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, the ducks probably did it.
04/23/2009
03:27

Illegitimate Grandson of an Alligator
The Colbert ReportS5

Have you heard the rumor that Bill Posey's grandmother had her alligator baby out of wedlock?
04/23/2009
05:47

Elizabeth Bintliff
The Colbert ReportS5

Elizabeth Bintliff brings along Daisy the Cow to promote Heifer International, an organization that delivers livestock to developing countries.
04/23/2009
04:26

America Does Not Swear On Camera
The Colbert ReportS5

Shepard Smith swearing on camera isn't something one gets away with like torture.
04/23/2009
02:04

Days of Swine and Doses
The Colbert ReportS5

The swine flu virus contains a little something from pig, bird and human -- just like Stephen's paella recipe.
04/27/2009
06:58

Shout Out - Kids Edition
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
04/27/2009
03:36

The Decemberists
The Colbert ReportS5

Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
04/27/2009
01:43

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree Lung
The Colbert ReportS5

Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
04/27/2009
00:31

Intro - 4/27/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Swine flu rages, and The Decemberists stop by and officially sell out.
04/27/2009
02:11

A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an Ewok
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wasn't completely honest when he said he'd never eat an Ewok.
04/27/2009
04:15

Daniel Gross
The Colbert ReportS5

Daniel Gross urges rich cable TV personalities to buy steaks, cigars and whiskey.
04/28/2009
01:36

Arlen Specter Contracts Donkey Flu
The Colbert ReportS5

Republicans tried to fight off donkey flu, but their white cells weren't strong enough.
04/28/2009
00:12

No Animals Were Harmed
The Colbert ReportS5

No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.
04/28/2009
00:33

Intro - 4/28/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen learns what it takes to be a foreign correspondent, besides a pad, a pencil and an anti-American bias, and drinks are on Daniel Gross.
04/28/2009
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