The Colbert Report

Spider-Pope

Season 5 • 09/29/2009

The Spider-Pope can shoot holy water from his wrists and trap atheists in his web.

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00:33

Intro - 9/24/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Republican Party is accused of racism, another holiday is under attack, and Ken Burns makes a documentary about national parks.
09/24/2009
00:05

Sign Off - Goodnight, Conan
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight to Conan O'Brien as he comforts himself with Americone Dream.
09/28/2009
04:48

Sheryl WuDunn
The Colbert ReportS5

Sheryl WuDunn believes giving women loans and educating girls is the way to lift developing nations out of poverty.
09/28/2009
04:33

Atone Phone - Last Day of Apologies
The Colbert ReportS5

Paul Krugman apologizes for winning the Nobel Prize in Economics, and J.J. Abrams is sorry for making his hidden puzzle too difficult to solve.
09/28/2009
03:53

Do, Dump or Marry
The Colbert ReportS5

Glamour readers vote to dump Conan O'Brien, do Jimmy Fallon and marry Stephen.
09/28/2009
05:04

The Word - Out of the Closet
The Colbert ReportS5

Republicans and Democrats should march in pride parades and proudly announce their relationship with lobbyists.
09/29/2009
00:29

Intro - 9/29/09
The Colbert ReportS5

An exciting new tobacco product hits the market, and Matt Latimer recalls his Bush speechwriting days.
09/29/2009
00:16

Sign Off - Richard Dawkins Will Be Here Tomorrow
The Colbert ReportS5

Noted atheist writer Richard Dawkins will be on tomorrow night.
09/29/2009
06:30

Cheating Death - Snus & Placebo Effect
The Colbert ReportS5

Camel develops a new way to deliver smooth carcinogens without lighting up, and placebos become more effective.
09/29/2009
05:21

Matt Latimer
The Colbert ReportS5

Matt Latimer, a former speechwriter for the Bush administration, remembers the words he used most when writing for the president.
09/29/2009
01:53

Spider-Pope
The Colbert ReportS5

If the spider crawling on Pope Benedict XVI's face has bitten him, we might soon have a Spider-Pope.
09/29/2009
00:05

Sign Off - Goodnight, Grammy
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight to his grammy.
09/30/2009
02:41

Send Your Medical Bills to Max Baucus
The Colbert ReportS5

Senator Max Baucus will pay for your medical bills from the $3.2 million he's received from the health care industry.
09/30/2009
03:39

A Pace Odyssey
The Colbert ReportS5

NASA begins assembling Stephen's treadmill so America's famously fat astronauts can get trim in space.
09/30/2009
05:42

Richard Dawkins
The Colbert ReportS5

After offering evidence for evolution, Richard Dawkins wants to see the evidence for God.
09/30/2009
07:14

ThreatDown - Environmentalists, Kang Lee & Mountain Pine Beetles
The Colbert ReportS5

Environmentalists target soft toilet paper, Kang Lee exposes the lies parents tell kids, and mountain pine beetles prevent us from shooting bears.
09/30/2009
00:29

Intro - 9/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen has an update on his space treadmill, and he'll evolve Richard Dawkins' book into tiny shreds of paper.
09/30/2009
04:11

Francis Collins
The Colbert ReportS5

Francis Collins informs Stephen that it's going to take time for stem cell research to give him crab claws.
10/01/2009
05:09

Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 1
The Colbert ReportS5

Competitive eater Brad Sciullo wants to prove anything is possible by finishing a 15-pound hamburger called "The Belly Buster."
10/01/2009
02:03

Najibullah Zazi Threatens Beauty Supplies
The Colbert ReportS5

Suspected terrorist Najibullah Zazi threatens America's unregulated use of beauty supplies.
10/01/2009
00:25

Sign Off - New Slang
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen introduces some new slang into the teen lexicon.
10/01/2009
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