The Colbert Report

The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too

Season 5 • 04/14/2009

You can borrow against your next paycheck at an annual interest rate of only 400-800%.

More

Watching

04:42

The Enemy Within - Hedgehogs
The Colbert ReportS5

Hedgehogs were illegal in Kansas until one obsessed 10-year-old played the cute card.
04/09/2009
00:24

Stephen's Severed Head
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen earns 2,634 weeks of workers' comp for severing his head.
04/09/2009
06:30

Bart Ehrman
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen discusses Bart Ehrman's theory that the Bible contradicts itself.
04/09/2009
02:19

Workers' Comp Temptation
The Colbert ReportS5

The New York Times' worker's compensation chart for severed limbs continues to tempt Stephen.
04/09/2009
05:38

ThreatDown - Robert Gates, Dog Seders & Obama
The Colbert ReportS5

Robert Gates chops our defense budget, dogs get their own Seders, and Obama bows before the Saudi king.
04/09/2009
00:36

Intro - 4/14/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The government tries to regulate small loans, and Susie Orbach wants us to rethink our body image.
04/14/2009
04:33

Susie Orbach
The Colbert ReportS5

If Susie Orbach drops five pounds, she could be talking about her book "Bodies" on The Daily Show.
04/14/2009
06:33

Space Module: Colbert - Sunita Williams
The Colbert ReportS5

However far the space station goes, Stephen's treadmill will always have gone a few miles more.
04/14/2009
00:07

Goodnight, Helen
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wishes Helen a good night.
04/14/2009
03:56

Clarence Thomas' New Job
The Colbert ReportS5

Justice Clarence Thomas appreciates the little things in life, like the miracle of dishwashers.
04/14/2009
04:16

The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too
The Colbert ReportS5

The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
04/14/2009
06:59

Better Know a District - Illinois' 18th - Aaron Schock
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen may have chemistry with Congressman Aaron Schock, but he's keeping it professional.
04/15/2009
01:53

Obama Denies Habeas Corpus
The Colbert ReportS5

Barack Obama helps America escape from the Bill of Rights lovers who keep humping the leg of habeas corpus.
04/15/2009
00:26

Homework Assignment
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants a summary of the show with special emphasis on theme and literary devices on his desk tomorrow morning.
04/15/2009
03:40

Tax Atax
The Colbert ReportS5

Glenn Beck holds his tea party in the only location that makes sense: the Alamo.
04/15/2009
00:34

Intro - 4/15/09
The Colbert ReportS5

It's tax day, or as many Americans call it, "Oh my God, it's 11:30."
04/15/2009
06:29

Jim Lehrer
The Colbert ReportS5

It takes real courage for Jim Lehrer to be boring five nights a week on television.
04/15/2009
00:29

Intro - 4/16/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Gay marriage threatens New York. On the plus side, Stephen will finally be able to marry himself.
04/16/2009
05:06

Indian Elections - Kanishk Tharoor
The Colbert ReportS5

Kanishk Tharoor describes India's beautifully choreographed dance of democracy.
04/16/2009
06:11

The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad
The Colbert ReportS5

There's a giant gay storm gathering, and before long the winds will be blowing each other.
04/16/2009
00:03

Goodnight Salute
The Colbert ReportS5

Goodnight, everybody.
04/16/2009
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
01:49

"South Park: Snow Day!" Trailer
South Park

Join your favorite South Park characters as they fight for neighborhood dominance during a blizzard in "South Park: Snow Day!," available now.
03/26/2024
Trailer
00:28

Make the Most of a Day Off with "South Park: Snow Day!"
South ParkS26

Join Cartman and the neighborhood kids as they battle Stan, who has his own ideas about the rules of their fantasy game, in the "South Park: Snow Day!" video game, now available to preorder.
12/21/2023
Trailer
01:00

"Star Trek: very Short Treks" Has Lightyears of Laughs
Star Trek: very Short TreksS1

Relive the classic vibe of "Star Trek: The Animated Series," and join Riker, Spock and more Starfleet faces on the bite-sized journeys of "Star Trek: very Short Treks," now streaming.
11/22/2023
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022