The Colbert Report

Intro - 9/16/09

Season 5 • 09/16/2009

An animal is named after a celebrity who is not Stephen -- even more reason to hunt it to extinction.

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00:03

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report.
09/14/2009
01:06

Stephen Loses World Record to Lou Dobbs
The Colbert ReportS5

Lou Dobbs beats Stephen with the world record for most insults to Mexico in a single broadcast.
09/15/2009
04:55

Christiane Amanpour
The Colbert ReportS5

Christiane Amanpour is going to make Americans care about the rest of the world with her CNN show "Amanpour."
09/15/2009
04:03

Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission - Jeffrey Toobin
The Colbert ReportS5

Jeffrey Toobin explains what will happen to elections if the Supreme Court decides in favor of corporations.
09/15/2009
02:43

World Record for Mexican Insults
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen tries to set his own record for most insults to Mexico in a single nightly news broadcast.
09/15/2009
06:11

The Word - Let Freedom Ka-Ching
The Colbert ReportS5

Corporations do everything people do except breathe, die and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs in the Hudson River.
09/15/2009
06:18

I's on Edjukashun - Muslim Textbooks & Tony Danza
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama indoctrinates America's school children, Tucker Carlson reveals Muslims' influence on textbooks, and Tony Danza teaches high school.
09/16/2009
02:40

Figgy Moonpowder
The Colbert ReportS5

If David Bowie is going to muscle into Stephen's turf by having a spider named after him, Stephen will introduce his alter ego, Figgy Moonpowder.
09/16/2009
02:09

Body Worlds Plans Cadaver Sex Exhibit
The Colbert ReportS5

The Body Worlds exhibit devoted to cadaver sex makes being dead look like too much fun.
09/16/2009
04:43

Wayne Coyne
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen asks The Flaming Lips' Wayne Coyne how bad things must be in Oklahoma that "Do You Realize??" is its official rock song.
09/16/2009
00:33

Intro - 9/16/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen takes an in-depth look at education, and The Flaming Lips' two-story plush hippo doesn't get through security.
09/16/2009
03:35

Goat Lab
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen resurrects the U.S. military technique of staring at a goat to make its heart explode.
09/17/2009
04:10

Sport Report - U.S. Open & NFL Wheel of Scandal
The Colbert ReportS5

Juan Martin del Potro wins the U.S. Open, and Stephen predicts which NFL player will get in trouble next with the Wheel of Scandal.
09/17/2009
04:24

Goat Lab - Jon Ronson
The Colbert ReportS5

Jon Ronson explains why the U.S. military trained soldiers to use sparkly eyes on the enemy and kill goats with their minds.
09/17/2009
05:15

Frank Bruni
The Colbert ReportS5

Frank Bruni talks about mastering his addiction to compulsive eating as a food critic for the New York Times.
09/17/2009
00:06

Sign Off - Shofar Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight with his shofar.
09/22/2009
04:58

Shai Agassi
The Colbert ReportS5

Shai Agassi explains his electric car network that's modeled after cell phone plans.
09/22/2009
06:42

Tip/Wag - Guns on Amtrak, Fake Lesbians & Battleship Audition
The Colbert ReportS5

The Senate allows guns on Amtrak trains, fake lesbians push products, and Stephen auditions for "Battleship" with Jeff Goldblum.
09/22/2009
01:57

Atone Phone - Jon Stewart Calls to Apologize
The Colbert ReportS5

Jon calls 1-888-MOSS-LEW to apologize for not having paid for his bed of moss yet.
09/22/2009
00:27

Intro - 9/22/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Senate votes to allow guns on trains, and Shai Agassi wants us all to drive electric cars.
09/22/2009
05:28

Atone Phone - Emmy Awards
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants every Jewish member of the television academy to call and beg for forgiveness, which he will then deliver in the form of an acceptance speech.
09/22/2009
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