The Colbert Report

Intro - 9/22/09

Season 5 • 09/22/2009

Train passengers can now throw their tickets in the air when the conductor yells, "pull."

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Watching

04:43

Wayne Coyne
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen asks The Flaming Lips' Wayne Coyne how bad things must be in Oklahoma that "Do You Realize??" is its official rock song.
09/16/2009
03:35

Goat Lab
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen resurrects the U.S. military technique of staring at a goat to make its heart explode.
09/17/2009
04:10

Sport Report - U.S. Open & NFL Wheel of Scandal
The Colbert ReportS5

Juan Martin del Potro wins the U.S. Open, and Stephen predicts which NFL player will get in trouble next with the Wheel of Scandal.
09/17/2009
04:24

Goat Lab - Jon Ronson
The Colbert ReportS5

Jon Ronson explains why the U.S. military trained soldiers to use sparkly eyes on the enemy and kill goats with their minds.
09/17/2009
05:15

Frank Bruni
The Colbert ReportS5

Frank Bruni talks about mastering his addiction to compulsive eating as a food critic for the New York Times.
09/17/2009
00:06

Sign Off - Shofar Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight with his shofar.
09/22/2009
04:58

Shai Agassi
The Colbert ReportS5

Shai Agassi explains his electric car network that's modeled after cell phone plans.
09/22/2009
06:42

Tip/Wag - Guns on Amtrak, Fake Lesbians & Battleship Audition
The Colbert ReportS5

The Senate allows guns on Amtrak trains, fake lesbians push products, and Stephen auditions for "Battleship" with Jeff Goldblum.
09/22/2009
01:57

Atone Phone - Jon Stewart Calls to Apologize
The Colbert ReportS5

Jon calls 1-888-MOSS-LEW to apologize for not having paid for his bed of moss yet.
09/22/2009
05:28

Atone Phone - Emmy Awards
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants every Jewish member of the television academy to call and beg for forgiveness, which he will then deliver in the form of an acceptance speech.
09/22/2009
00:27

Intro - 9/22/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Senate votes to allow guns on trains, and Shai Agassi wants us all to drive electric cars.
09/22/2009
09:01

Capitalism's Enemy - Michael Moore
The Colbert ReportS5

Michael Moore fights capitalism and urges Senate Democrats to stand up for health care reform.
09/23/2009
01:35

Tom DeLay Dances With the Stars
The Colbert ReportS5

Tom DeLay looked so happy on the floor of "Dancing With the Stars" you'd think he'd just been arrested on charges of corruption.
09/23/2009
05:10

AJ Jacobs
The Colbert ReportS5

AJ Jacobs' life experiments include following all the rules of the Bible, trying to be the most rational person alive and radical honesty.
09/23/2009
03:09

Lunatic Dictator Accommodations
The Colbert ReportS5

Let's put Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Muammar el-Qaddafi in New York City's finest hotels and drain their national treasuries with mini-bar charges.
09/23/2009
00:13

Sign Off - Thank You for Joining Us
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says thank you and goodnight.
09/23/2009
05:30

Ken Burns
The Colbert ReportS5

Ken Burns believes if America didn't have national parks, the Grand Canyon would be lined with mansions and Yosemite would be a gated community.
09/24/2009
02:09

Atone Phone - Larry King Calls
The Colbert ReportS5

Larry King apologizes to Stephen for not giving him a chance to explain the terrible scandal that is sure to end his career.
09/24/2009
06:29

The Word - Blackwashing
The Colbert ReportS5

Prevent your valid criticisms of Barack Obama from being unfairly associated with racism by putting on a little blackwashing.
09/24/2009
03:50

Easter Under Attack - Peeps Display
The Colbert ReportS5

A woman must take down the marshmallow Peeps display from her apartment door or be evicted.
09/24/2009
00:21

Sign Off - Automated Desk
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants his automated desk to take him home.
09/24/2009
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